h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Shuffles around the coffee machine*
*Hands a Mug of Dan's World Famous Coffee to Irving*
Enjoy

Merci!

Are toasters allowed coffee?

I believe we serve coffee to any intelligent beings!

And we wash them up, too!

Can I have a large extremely good cup of coffee please?

I'm glad to hear it... strong with two sugar cubes, please...

*Shuffles around the coffee machine*
*Hands a Mug of Dan's World Famous Coffee to Toaster*

I'll be able to do toast twice as fast now, with whatever this secret ingredient that you use is!

I thought that was water....?

I don't know about that, you'd have to ask the official coffee maker.

*walks in after smoking the longest cigerette in history*

i wonder if those filters need a clean? I'll just take a look...

**Clunk, click...**

No! these'll be good for another couple of cups...

**Click, clunk**

hey Dan, can I get a cup of coffee, please?

If you do, I'll be happy to wash it up!

And would you like toast with that? It even comes with some very nice home-made blackcurrant jam...

And it's genuine UK jam - not Jam from Jamaica on the Toast from Tibet

Is that like Dan's World Wide Jam?

I think so, but easier on the ears and stronger on the mouth.

Yum yum!

My blackcurrant jam is so good that it has even been certified by the British Board for Dynamite, Explosives, and Armaments. This has led to marketing opportunities throughout the world, with the US Air Force particularly keen to take out a 15-year contract.

I'm afraid that, as a Pacifist, I'm going to have to organize a protest and boycott your jam! And none of that "Jam doesn't kill people, people kill people" stuff! (It sure is tasty, though)

~Irving