h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well can I do the plane bit to get it over with?

We-ell I'm doing it anyway!

"Tea?! Coffee?! Alchohol?!" squeaked the twenty-something air hostess in pin-up smile as she pushed the trolley down the plane aisle.

Daltmooreby looked up at the blonde beauty and a smile curled onthe edge of his lips. The wrinkled smile caused an aftershock making his eyebrow rise which led up to his hair which slided backwards slightly.

"What about /food/?" The ex-Agent purred. Slepp Tonnajob in the adjacent seat groaned to himself slightly as he busied himself sharping the points of staples.

"Ehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!" giggled the stewardess like a freshly wounded moose. The noise set back Shawn slightly but he kept a pasted smile.
"Aww!" She, who incidently was named Tiffany as anyone in Ibiza could tell you, looked at Daltmooreby as one would a puppy, then said to Slepp, "I wish my dad was as cute as yours" Tiffany speeded off.
Daltmooreby sniffed to ignore the embarrassment and flicked up his newspaper if only to ignore Slepp.


Back in Switzerland, Mary had decided it best that Daltmooreby go ahead. Although the news of Egypt had come as a surprise to him, the gentleman spy had been told to at least make up some time to reach contacts instead of going in unprepared. Slepp was only there because had the experience and knew how to get things done in a strained time frame.

Mary and the rest would follow via ship. If she had to delay then she would go forward while doing it. Travelling by plane obviously being faster.
Thus Dalmooreby could rally his contacts then meet up when the ship arrived later. It could nicely double as further guarantee against being followed.

< PS I sort of figured Anna (and hitch-hiker) would stil be in the car on the ship if she hadn't been dumped...

HPB >

Okay I've got soem ideas but someone else had better write it cos I'm stuck doing this essay.


by ship eh?

I see a nice Titanic rip-off here.

What Say Mary arrives in a overly large hat, has Vandever double as butler von trapp is her escort.

Once at dockside she has to win tickets off of two witless students by getting them blind drunk then beating them at coinsecutive games of gin-rummy-blackjack. (a game of her own concoction)

once on board we can have a whole series of "hold me jack" moments.


Meanwhile our hapless Agents are sipping coffee in a parisian coner café after being smuggled out of switzerland by the anti-pilchard resistance. Europe is entering a seige mentality as Rasputin's [power grows. and the change is obvious. Wot if because of the heightened security we make the ship that Mery is on the last ship to leave port. Make Arthur X and Sfret have to charter a plane or something if they want to follow them once they have worked out where the cult are going - but for that we'll need to invent something that the leader of the underground resitence told them.

And poor Sreka?

I knew there was someone I forgot.

Actually where's the ship sailing from... I've just remembered I know the European map a bit...

well somewhere from Switzerland.....

Sounds serious, good luck. Sincerest apo-logies for the prolonged absence, but I was making the move from college back home, and then the PC did a painful death scene on me.

Siege mentality! Paris! Rasputin's power spreading over the airwaves!

Clive, you just wrote that to fire my imagination, dincha? We can have something like that scene from 'The Mummy' (fits the Indy idiom, see) with the brainwashed Egyptians - except with Parisian street mimes. Ten times more creepy. Also some use must be found for the Eiffel Tower, and at least one reference to Casablanca must be forced in. Moo-ha-ha. I get to write Rasputin again! If only briefly! *Hugs self*

Idea: was Read Alan Moores "Watchmen" comic the other day (inbetween re-installations.)

Egyptian name for Ozymandias was Ramases II. maybe thats a way into how Arthur and co. can figure out the cults next move? Perhaps an urgent telegam arrives from Richter (remember him, he who knows *everything*) advising them to go to the egyptology department of the local musuem yo find "X" scroll on the cult of the dying pilchard.

Just a thought.

and yes The Eifell Tower should make a good set-piece if we can wrangle it in.

However right now I am up to my eyeballs in work. so if I can sneak on (like now) I will but I can't expend much brain power in the way of thinking up new story arcs (other than European seige mentality, legion feel free to run with that if you want....)

Clive.

re: the casablaca scene.

*Whoever it is Arthur and co are going to meet*

"Left!" he screamed as the group executed an abrupt dive into the building at the end off the street.

Arthur busted open the saloon style doors to this quisi morrocan theme pub-cum coffee house.

"Arhtur there you are old chum!" "of all the gin joints in all the world you had to come into mine, eh? ha-ha."

"run." panted a little out of breath.

The man unclenched the pipe from between his teeth, "I say what was that?"

"I said RUN!"

Just like in all those zombie movies directed by the Romereo fella suddenly all the windows caved in as hundreds of scrabbling arms piled through, reaching out for them. Some of the brighter zombified Parisians were investigating the double hinged swing door that barred their entrance and prodding it experimentally.

"Back door?" pleaded Arthur.

"Follow me."

Actually the whole Rasputin thing over the airwaves could explain how Arthut/X escaped so easily from that place they were in when I remebered the plot months ago...I'll read some backlog later

And I HOPE you haven't just discovered that Ozzy was Rameses II! I mentioned that in msn every alternate line when discussing him!

If you need Rasput in over the air waves then prehaps it spreads across Eurpoe thus the need for the EiffelTower... Ludicrous like using the tower as a beacon to transmit whatever.

getting different world leaders' reactions to the world getting a bit dodgy in one off monalogues?

Erm right, Arthur and X and Sfret are heading off to the goat herder with Frakken.. I think...

Slepp and Daltemooreby are on the way to Egypt.

Mary and the rest (presumably Anna aswell) are off to egypt by slower boat to give the flying Sean/Shawn to get his contact.

Ohio Daltemooreby is also in Egypt

Rasputin is dominating.

The bear is on the mountain

The PM's disappeared and

Rameses II is enjoying afamous corpse...

Right, what else is there?

I think that about covers it.

I'll admit I had forgotten , however, it is testiment to your persasion that when I came across that fact again this time it stuck.

...

:

Frakken strode confidently up the steps from the cells and beckoned the Agents and Sfret to follow.
"Hate to put a dampener on things," ventured Arthur, "but will there not be a number of, ahh, policemen...in this police station?"
Frakken pshawed.
"Most of them are out on the streets, trying to keep order. You've been locked up, I know, so you couldn't know... The new military junta has banned public gatherings for the duration of the crisis, and they're cracking down on subversives."
The sound of distant gunfire carried through to them, and somewhere a klaxon went off.
"A lot of embassies have withdrawn their staffs, they say. Oh yes, the policemen..."
The fugitives rounded a corner to find a dayroom full of snoring Polizei.
"Drugged coffee and doughnuts. You just have to know their weakness, see?"

The street outside was almost deserted except for a burnt-out car and some people hurrying by with shopping-carts full of canned food, mostly sausages. Graffitti on the once-pristine walls declared that the foreigners would be punished, that the Premier was innocent, that the Premier was a pawn of the foreigners, who would be punished, that the police were pig-dogs, that the Swiss would roll again and that Man Utd Rule.
X grinned. "When we came here a few days ago I could have sworn this was a normal country. I *like* this job. Always with the interesting places."
Arthur frowned at him. That sort of thing shouldn't be admitted...still, if pressed, he'd have to admit that he loved the smell of putsches in the morning.
Frakken ushered them down a side-street, half-blocked with rubble.
"To evade the patrols. The junta says that order will be restored after the ex-Premier is tried for his crimes by the Provisional Court... But some of us don't trust them. We will fight for the ex-Premier! He was a good man, and these stories of his unstable behaviour are all propagandist lies!"
Arthur and X exchanged glances, then nodded.
"Oh, absolutely. We'd, we'd love to help, only..."
"Yes yes, that's why I'm taking you to see the Goat Herder. Haha. *He* will know how to use you..."
Tord stopped and rapped on a manhole cover. It raised by a fraction of an inch, and a querelous voice inquired:
"Warum ist Kanada heisst Kanada?"
Frakken cleared his throat and responded:
"Denn es gibt keine da!"
The two men chuckled for a few seconds, and the cover slid all the way back.
"Ohoho, and they say we have no sense of humour!" Frakken lowered himself into the pipe. "Welcome to the resistance, Kamaraden."

((Translation of the exchange in German - a joke which was, incidentally, voted the funniest joke ever by a German survey - Q: "Why is Canada called Canada?" A: "Because there is nothing there!" Well, it loses something in the translation... ))


MY ADDITION :

Arthur looked around. "A bit squalid, isn't?"

Frakken shrugged, "Cleaner snuffed it a few years back. Through here", Frakken pointed down a tunnel to his right.

The tunnel led to a metallic door with a slit at the top - just at eye level.

Frakken knocked on the door, and the grating of metal could be heard as something was back and replaced with the bluest eyes imaginable. On the other side of the door a female voice uttered something in German. Frakken replied, probably a password.

Arthur, X and Sfret stood waiting whilst the brief conversation went on. In the back ground could be heard drops of water on the floor.

"Okay the Goat Herder may be a few minutes, but we can take you to see him.", said Frakken seriously. Behind the door a series of bolts and locks were undone.

The door was replaced with a woman almost the same size of it. The woman was dressed scantily, considering the cold conditions - and certainly showed more of her "physique" than was comfortable on the eye. Her face and blond hair would have made her attractive if not for the tyre of fat that surrounded it.

"My God", said Arthur to X, "he's taken us to a brothel", still trying to take in the woman in front of him.

Frakken looked at Arthur, and caught his expression. "Oh, don't worry about Helga, she may dress a little... exotically for her size, but there's no better guard. She was a model until her father won the lottery, and bought a chocolate factory - you can kind of guess the rest. Are you coming?"

Arthur and X looked at each other deciding that things couldn't get much worse nodded, and then watched as Helga waddled around in a circle before indicating they should follow her. Arthur and X grabbed Sfret out of his day dream - who was absent mindedly looking at the ceiling - and followed. They shortly after spotted two dwarves coming from the sides and closed the metal door shut.