h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In the prison cell all that could be heard was a constant drip noise. Neither Arthur, X or Sfret could think of anything helpful to say. X had almost strangled Sfret when for the umpteenth time he told them how guilty he felt for leaving his bear on the side of the hill. "Will you shut up about that bloody bear!", X had yelled at Sfret whilst leaning threateningly over him. "Okay", Sfret had sobbed. And that was it, Arthur, X and Sfret had just stared at each other past hour.

"I wonder how the Swiss premier is getting on", finally said Arthur - in a thoughtful mood.

Suddenly a movement could be heard from the cell next to theirs. "Haven't you heard the news freind?", called a voice through the wall in a Swiss accent "The President has gone mad. There are calls for his arrest."

"Oh... and how do you know this nugget of information? And oh yeah, why does everyone here speak English?" enquired X sarcastically.

"As for the English," he shrugged "learned it in the first year of school."

X rolled his eyes "figures."

"And as for the knowledge... its common knowledge. It was on the news - I heard it on the radio."

"Great the whole world knows except the two people who should know!", complained X - who was quite frankly getting a little board of being in the dark for so long.

"Why /should/ you know, freind?", asked the voice curiously.

"Oh erm... we're erm... delivery men. We've got a package of his."

Sfret suddenly came out of some sort of thoughtful comma and the last sentance stuck in his brain. He looked towards X and frowned. "Thats funny I thought you we're spies."

Both Athur and X could not believe what Sfret had just said, and gawped at him.

Sfret nervously thought over what he had just said "... erm, was I not supposed to say that? But I just kind of figured..."

"Look shut up!", Arthur yelled.

"But aren't you looking for the diamond, to do with a Turquoise Moon?", said Sfret cautiously

"Shut up, you gormless old man", X continued.

"Hang on," said Arthur. "I don't think we told him about the stone. Or the Turqious Moon."


"Excuse me for interrupting", spoke up the stranger in the next cell. "But you're not looking for /the/ Turquoise Moon Diamond are you?"

X yelled and almighty yell at no one in particular "We're going to our jobs over this. Worse, we're going to spend the rest of our lives in a Swiss prison cell."

"Stop getting hysterical X", said Arthur. "Now," turning his attention to the bodiless voice "will you tell me what you know about this diamond?"

"I know its extreemly valuable. I also know I have to be very careful who I tell about it."

There was a creaking noise and the sound of a door being opened could be heard. The cell next door had been opened, and the bodiless voice suddenly provided itself a body - in the shape of a rather shabby looking tramp. He had a battered rimmed, brown hat with clothes and his jacket in a similar state. And he was now standing in front of their cell.

"But I think ", he began again "I might just be able to trust you three". He looked over to a desk not far away and picked up some keys, and started unlocking the door.

Both Arthur and X stood up in shock. Sfret was still contemplating something.

"Whatthe...huh?", said X.

"The local police let me sleep here. Well I've got no where else to go. And I don't think they'll miss a couple of innocents like yourselves."

"How do you know we're innocent?", said Arthur - slightly worried he might be trying his luck.

"I just know. My name is Tord, by the way. Tord Frakken."

"Thanks", smiled X. "So where are we going again?"

"Oh sorry didn't I explain. I'm going to take you to see the goat herder."

<"Welcome back Verc"
Always a pleasure

I like the idea about the "Goat Herder" being an establishment figure...
>

< Erm... could we expand the 1800 'fictional' characters abit? Say the next place they have to go to after Egypt is somewhere philias Phogg accounts in... ahem... A diary????


Yay, Egypt!>

<>

Frakken strode confidently up the steps from the cells and beckoned the Agents and Sfret to follow.
"Hate to put a dampener on things," ventured Arthur, "but will there not be a number of, ahh, policemen...in this police station?"
Frakken pshawed.
"Most of them are out on the streets, trying to keep order. You've been locked up, I know, so you couldn't know... The new military junta has banned public gatherings for the duration of the crisis, and they're cracking down on subversives."
The sound of distant gunfire carried through to them, and somewhere a klaxon went off.
"A lot of embassies have withdrawn their staffs, they say. Oh yes, the policemen..."
The fugitives rounded a corner to find a dayroom full of snoring Polizei.
"Drugged coffee and doughnuts. You just have to know their weakness, see?"

The street outside was almost deserted except for a burnt-out car and some people hurrying by with shopping-carts full of canned food, mostly sausages. Graffitti on the once-pristine walls declared that the foreigners would be punished, that the Premier was innocent, that the Premier was a pawn of the foreigners, who would be punished, that the police were pig-dogs, that the Swiss would roll again and that Man Utd Rule.
X grinned. "When we came here a few days ago I could have sworn this was a normal country. I *like* this job. Always with the interesting places."
Arthur frowned at him. That sort of thing shouldn't be admitted...still, if pressed, he'd have to admit that he loved the smell of putsches in the morning.
Frakken ushered them down a side-street, half-blocked with rubble.
"To evade the patrols. The junta says that order will be restored after the ex-Premier is tried for his crimes by the Provisional Court... But some of us don't trust them. We will fight for the ex-Premier! He was a good man, and these stories of his unstable behaviour are all propagandist lies!"
Arthur and X exchanged glances, then nodded.
"Oh, absolutely. We'd, we'd love to help, only..."
"Yes yes, that's why I'm taking you to see the Goat Herder. Haha. *He* will know how to use you..."
Tord stopped and rapped on a manhole cover. It raised by a fraction of an inch, and a querelous voice inquired:
"Warum ist Kanada heisst Kanada?"
Frakken cleared his throat and responded:
"Denn es gibt keine da!"
The two men chuckled for a few seconds, and the cover slid all the way back.
"Ohoho, and they say we have no sense of humour!" Frakken lowered himself into the pipe. "Welcome to the resistance, Kamaraden."

((Translation of the exchange in German - a joke which was, incidentally, voted the funniest joke ever by a German survey - Q: "Why is Canada called Canada?" A: "Because there is nothing there!" Well, it loses something in the translation...))

stick around - I'm posting a reply of sorts. )

ha ha.

I like the idea of the agency having a lineage I'm not sure we could froce it to ft around obsure victorian figures buuuuut it could work I suppose.

I'm much more attracted by the idea of our boys and girls scurrying around pyramids, pharoh's tombs and hidden booby traps.

("X put down that gold statuette."

"but it won't weight much."

"No I mean put it down now and step away."

"fine" said X throwing it over his shoulder and walking towards Arthur, just narrowily missing the rather solid looking stone slab that crashed to the floor where he'd been standing moments later.)


Speaking of Booby Traps, me and HPB were discussing various stuff offline (on MSN messenger) earlier and it threw up soem very interesting ideas.


** Rtaher than over-complicating it, we have already a very good dynamic betwene the two groups.

Mary and her Boys have the Ozymandias clue and so we can engineer them to always be one step ahead of Arhtur and X, right up until we want to bring them together for a showdown. Secondly what Arhtur and X lack in terms of knowledge about the Cult's activites, they shall make up with in terms of resources. I think, lets say The Goat herder is Lord Lucan, we could really build on that idea of establishment figures of The Empire who aid our Agents in keeping up with the Cult but always just behing (so for instance Lucan won;t know about Ozymandias 'cos that was Holm;es clue on the gramaphone - but he *will* be able to point them in the same direction by other means - so if you see what I mean, and I hope I'm not out on a limb here: I don't mind the idea of The Agency being populated by notable figures of the past but I think we'd stand a beter chance of pulling it of if we are indful of keeping Arthur and X's investigation of The Cult frustrated in some way, until they make that all-important breakthrough.

and:

HPB came up with a crackign idea I thought you'd all ant to here 'cos it will set your creative juies flowing:

Storytime 4. Yes I know it seems a bit ambitious to be talking sequels when we are barely through this editon but - ideas are begining to flow together rather nicely.

We've mentioned in the past a finale for this story, at the point when we chronogically bring together both ST 2 and ST3 by having Arthur and X call the Agency and repeating the dialogue from before - we can enter into a much larger frame of reference. The plan was to at this point really break the Cult wide open - with it's newly (bear in mind she only just got back) appointed leader Anabell.

Concurrently Leicester isn't sitting still he's contracting an elite group of wacked out mercenaries. The Bizmark Fetishists to overthrow the Agency. (Picture the image of blimps over London! )
Guy and Leicester face off Guy looses. The end of ST3 once Arhtur and X finish whatever they are doing will be Leicester sitting in control of The Agnecy HQ.

So onto HPB's idea:

"A good old fashioned mission impossiple style attempts to get into where Leicester is. Since youhaven't delved into the outlay of the Agency building why not a whole story crafted to get through the complex get past the securitysystems etc. that were supposed to stop Leicestercat from having gotten in!"

Now if the idea of ancient booby traps in pyramids get's me thinking, the very notion of high end technology that is designed to prtect the agnecy being turned aginst the Agents by their nemesis has me salivating!

Furthermore it fits rather neatly into a sketch theme I've been thinkign of for ST4 --- Renegade.

The Agenst are on the run (Think 007 Licence to Kill) cast out from their HQ, betrayed at the heart of their organistation. They team up with Bob, Jill Heddingly et al. to rescue Guy and Finihs of leicester ohnce and for all.

Picture, having the group turn up at the Agnecy and being unable to tet in. the doors are all sealed, Mmustafa koffi's franchised egyptian bistro is deserted etc.
Having them break into the agency could be a major set-piece of writing and I needn't point out the number opportunites that gives us to play with eleborate security systems. (maybe even a central A.I computer???) I think it would make for a very interesting and pivotal plot device

The idea of The Agnets being cast out and having to fend for themselves as renegades I think frames the next story really well.


Now if this all semms premature: it is.
However knowing where we may be headed will hopefully make writing the in-between bit a lot easier.


So please I invite comments, suggestions??

Clive.

< "Now this phrase 'The dying Pilchard bleeds under a turquoise moon', will recur numerous times throughout the mangled plot and eventually (we hope) for reasons not yet actually written shall be revealed as being fantastically important.
Still only time will tell." Of course it will! >

I am SPECTACULARLY busy with essay deadlines right now and shall be until at least next week. I've not forgotten about ST3 but I am going to ahve to leave it alone for short while.

Apologies all round.

Reality shall be restred after April 21st.

ah....I'M FREE!!

Shall get back to this ASAP - anyone else still out there?

*falls out of dust pile in corner* Mm?

'Fraid I'm still stuck in the trenches, as it were, doing my Final Year Project. I'll try and come up with something, but I'm not going to have any definate free time for just under a month.

Well I've got another 5000 word essay due one a month from now until about August so I'm perpetually busy but seeing as I handed one in this morning my schedule eases up a little for the next 2 weeks or so - I'll see what I can do.

*whispers to verc*

He says that alot. I just think that he's really the lecturer...

Well HPB is wrong I am still merely only a student. I'll be a lecturer one day - just not yet.

And following on from my last post about oooh a day maybe two after I posted I got back one of ym previous essays and I'd failed!!

so it was back to the drawing board and restructing that essay has consumed pretty much my every waking moment ever since. (much to HPB's chargrin as he frequently reminds me on MSN )

Anyway I am still fantastically busy I've agreed to write 10,000 words on two philosophers by June 16th and I've got to start planning/reading for/writing my Dissertation (helpfully the topic of my next essay and the Dissertation inter-link so *some* of the pressure is off in that respect.)

So - the POINT (yes I did have one! ) of listing my itinerary like this is to try and nudge ST3 into reanimated life. I'm still dead keen to see ths story arc through (Pyramids, Lord Lucan, The Turqoise Moon Diamond, The Cult of The Dying Pilchard, Mary and 'her boys' etc.) It's simply a question of fitting it in with my studies.

Assuming Verc, Legion - you are still subscribed, raise your hand if you want to try and continue...


Clive

*raises hand*

Oh och aye. I think I'll still be here when it gets finished in ten years time. My last exam is on Tuesday, so I'll think of something to add after then