h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry if I was a bit hasty in my previous reply.

The revised "Toriyama decided to drop the humour and add more attacks to the one 'energy blast'6 and intergrate them into honourable fights ie. one on one with only the body's strengths and limits." is understandable now

note: integrate and dot unneccessary after ie

As far as the tags go, it would be better (for EG writing guidelines) to use tags wherever you want to start a new paragraph. If some one sentence paragraphs come out more readable than lumping them together into a larger paragraph I've no problem personally.

Pimms

You can certainly use the s when you're writing just for yourself, HPB, but to go into the Edited Guide, the entry needs to go along with the style guideliens the Edited Guide uses.

Here are some handy links that explain the guidelines for both writing style (<./>SubEditors-Style</.&gt and guideML style (<./>SubEditors-GuideML</.&gt.

In the latter, there's a short bit about the , and explains (albeit not too clearly) that it's really only for certain circumstances, when you absolutely must have a line break -- this just isn't one of those occasions.

Coming along well, though.

Where does it say that the Break can't be used?

As I said, it's not clear as it should be. I think, in part, because it assumes that people realize that regular text (i.e., not lists or certain types of quotes) is supposed to be written in paragraph style -- and using breaks is not paragraph style.

HPB, you can refuse to use paragraph style and keep using breaks if you want. But, the entry will never show up in the Edited Guide like that -- if it was given to a sub-editor as it is now, all of the breaks would be removed and the entry would be reformatted to use paragraphs.

However -- I, as a scout, will not pick an entry that uses breaks like this, because I don't think it's fair to ask the sub-editor to do that extra work when it's something the author should have done. It's possible that you can convince another scout to pick it anyway, but regardless, the entry that shows up on the front page will have the breaks removed. Removing the breaks yourself will simply speed up the process.

While the break formatting is an important style point that will have to be addressed I'm afraid I've got another shedload of typos to correct first:

Suggestions part two.

A few typos remain in the first part:

In 'Dragonball' 'The Plot':
accidently > accidentally
suprise > surprise

In 'Time for the Z':
intergrate > integrate
ie. > ie

'Signature moves'
for many young teenagers was the moves and energy blasts > for many young teenagers were the moves and energy blasts
distinct signature technique using 'energy' like in pro-wrestling > distinct 'signature move', as seen in pro-wrestling (the comparison is between use of signature moves, not use of energy )

'The Sagas'
cliffhanger.Sagas > cliffhanger. Sagas
with the longest ones having as many as 30 episodes. The shortest one being ten episodes long.
> with sagas lasting between ten and 30 episodes.

called called Kakarot > called Kakarot
antitode > antidote
absorbtion > absorption
The Great Saiyaman Saga:Now > The Great Saiyaman Saga: Now
devestating > devastating
destoying > destroying
rid the world of the pink menace....During the course of the series,
> a larger gap or subheading would be helpful here

'History of the Saiyans'
appearence > appearance (twice)
On a full moon, their tails cause the Saiyans to become Oozarou, namely 50ft were-apes, that releases the Saiyans' full potential. Energy and strength-wise. The drawback is, however, that once transformed,
>
The effect of the light from a full moon on their tails causes the Saiyans to become Oozarou (50ft were-apes) and releases the Saiyans' full energy and strength potential. However, once transformed,

Once again, the Saiyan Elite > The Saiyan elite (elite does not require a capital unless that is their actual name, rather than just a description). Also for consistency ensure 'Saiyan' is always capitalized eg saiyan spacepod, saiyan heritage

permenantly > permanently
potentionally > potentially

When Goku's rage became so high he changed into a Super Saiyan
> When Goku's rage became high enough he changed into a Super Saiyan

shows small lightning strikes > shows small lightning bolts
('strikes' makes me think they had small charred areas on their heads )
Once surpassing > On surpassing

The Character section needs rereading - the grammar is *most* odd in places, as if it was written from a dodgy translation.

the number of characters in DBZ are big > the number of characters in DBZ is big

As such, what follows is a short summary of the more immediate cast and, if any, their special technique(s) will be acknowledged in brackets.
> What follows is a short summary of the more immediate cast and their special technique(s), if any, acknowledged in brackets.

Four Star Dragonball on his hate > Four Star Dragonball on his hat

five and a half year old > five-and-a-half-year-old

it is realised by Piccolo that he has > Piccolo realises Gohan

Goku's best friend having grown up and trained with him since childhood. Initially bald, he is a short man who is willing to do anything for Goku and eventually Gohan. A strong fighter, but he is rather cowardly, but competes when pushed.
>
Goku's best friend, having grown up and trained with him since childhood. Initially bald, he is a short man, willing to do anything for Goku, and eventually also for Gohan. Although rather cowardly, he is a strong fighter when pushed to compete.

reknowned > renowned

Her invention the Dragon Radar was what iniatiated the entire series.
> The Dragon Radar that she invented initiated the entire series.

A green alien-like figure from the planet Namek who was, in Dragonball, a villain.
> A green alien figure from the planet Namek, who was a villain in the original Dragonball.

He is reformed, however, when > He becomes reformed when

Piccolo used to be one with Kame, a fellow Namek but a seperation occured during Dragonball.
> Piccolo used to be one with Kame, a fellow Namek, but a separation occurred during Dragonball.

theif > thief

refuses to know when he's beaten > refuses to acknowledge when he's beaten

Kakerot > Kakarot

Not evil, but he only fights for number one. He is, in many ways, Goku's equal. This character with his distinctive hair he is the attitude of DBZ. If Goku is not fans' favourate, then this guy almost certainly is.
>
Not evil, but extremely self-centred, he is in many ways Goku's equal.
With his distinctive hair Vegeta portrays the attitude of DBZ. If any fan's favourite character is not Goku, then this guy almost certainly is.

He is the unfortunate of censorship, decapitating and blowning up many evil foes. He has been pivitol in the victory of many battles, though any flashbacks delete any acknowledge of his role > Did you really write this? It doesn't seem like the writer of this sentence spoke English as a first language.

who actually has a dragon-like appearance with his look most similar with Chinese...
> with an appearance similar to Chinese...

who can grant three wishes as opposed to Shenron's one and only wish.
> who can grant three wishes, while Shenron only grants one.

but a large muscle-bound reptile of sorts. > resembling more closely a large muscle-bound reptile.

only have as much power as the person who created the dragonballs > do you mean the person who 'collected' the balls? I thought the idea was each person had to find them not make them?


I hope you don't think this lot is too picky. I must admit I've found it an interesting read, despite my frustration with the typos.

If you write another entry of this length I hope you can use a spellcheck facility on it first.

Pimms

......

No I speak English, I type English. That's because I am English thank you very much.

You DO have to find the 'balls but they were MADE by someone.
The dragon only has as much power as the person who created the balls.

Jack

Maybe I was getting tired when I got that far through the entry. It just seemed to strike me that that sentence was in a class of its own.
I realise some of my comments are not typos, just my preferred phraseology. If you don't like any of my suggestions just say so, then any scouts will realise you've acknowledged the point - though if others disagree, *they* will say so (that's the glory of PR )

That sentence I guess I would write as:
He suffers from censorship, although he decapitates or blows up many evil foes. He has been pivotal in the outcome of many battles, though any flashbacks avoid any acknowledgement of his r&ocirc;le (GML to get a circumflex over the o)

Pimms

Did I miss something in the entry?
Do these dragonballs get created more than once? Who creates them and in what way is the strength of the dragon 'the same' as the strength of their creator? (can they pick up the same size of rock or what?)

I got the idea they were collected, a wish (or wishes) made, and then they (the same balls, not newly created ones) scattered again (and were turned to stone for a year)

Pimms

Erm, can those typos be simplified so I can copy them more easily?

what is the problem?

The suggestions are (as far as possible) in the order they appear in the entry. All that is needed is to have two windows open, one at the top with the typo posting, one at the bottom with the entry in edit mode, then flick between the two windows making corrections and scrolling down until you reach the end.

I am sorry but I can't offer you a proofread corrected version of your entry to cut and paste over the current one. There is a limit to how much time I can devote to your entry.

The advantage of individually quoting suggestions is that it is easy for you to see and judge whether every change I've suggested is reasonable.

The effort *is* worth it, honestly.

Pimms

It's not that, it's just that it is difficult to find where the individual words are.

Assuming you are using Microsoft Windows Explorer, though other browsers probably have a similar function, if you click on the Edit in the menu along the top you will get an option of 'Find on this page', then you can cut and paste the original text in to find it.

Really, HPB, I don't think you're going to find anyone in Peer Review who's going to lay it out as simply and clearly as Pimms has here -- short of actually doing the work for you, there's not much more that can be done. And like we've said before -- you want the entry into the Edited Guide, you need to do the work to get it there. There's a limit to how much other people can or will do for you.

Let us know when you've had a chance to tackle these things, and we'll come back and take another look. I have been checking this thread again every time my scout picks come due, but it's just still not quite there yet -- I think it would be, though, if the typos and line breaks were taken care of.

I'm not changing the line breaks.

I know the first set was clear but one word spelling corrections makes it hard to find.

The sub will change the line breaks anyway, so by not changing them yourself you are giving the sub more work to do, which isn't really fair. Subs don't mind sorting out things the author can't do, like GuideML if the author really can't get their head around it, or spellings if the author doesn't have access to a spell checker, but everything that can be done by the author should be done.

It's a shame if you won't remove the tags, as it is pretty unlikely to be picked with them in

quick post. Have not ready everything yet but. . .
Looks good, lots of info. I love DBZ

If he was inspired by Monkey (which I can see in the show, exp. Dragon Ball) then it would be worth refering to the book Journey to the West which is what Monkey is based off of I guess (I guess b/c I have never seen Monkey but your description matches the book.

your friendly neighborhood

*Why* won't you change the breaks, Cat? I have to say that it makes your entry not only look unattractive, but it makes it more difficult to read and I would imagine you wrote the entry because you wanted people to read it and you would like it to go in the Edited Guide.

What's stopping you?

I like the breaks as is.

I don't have a spell checker!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. We were just trying to help you get this into the Edited Guide. Maybe you don't want to? The Writing-Guidelines are there to help writers and entries have to meet the standards.

If you want help with spell checking, then just ask for help. I am a good proof reader and there are others who can do equally well. We have been advised to ask writers to bring their entries to as high a standard as possible, which means there is less work for the sub-editors to do.

I understand that you've put a deal of work into this and that the entry has improved a great deal. It would be a pity if the ship was spoiled for a halfpence worth of tar.