h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*coughs quietly* You know I never actually said what was in that safe...so who knows what Stu took!

*A scrap of napkin drifts down; upon it a few words are written:*

"What Stu took" was all in the canvas bag relinquished to the duck.
Are you trying to say something else?...

I dont know what was in the safe! You'd better get down to Lab 18 and tell them what they've got in the bag!

*there is a knock on the door*

yeess??? We really ought to get a tradesmen's entrance...

*a box in dumped on the floor*

package for a dr.....erm...kitten??

That's me.

No its not God Ben and well you know it!

anyway...
*takes the box and moves it to the other side of the office away from GB*

care for a peppermint slice godben?

No thanks, I have the feeling you'll try to poison me.

but due to the strong smell and taste of the peppermint you wouldnt notice till you drink something at which point the poison would go through your system giveing you a strong feaver and eventually killing you through dehydration

i try to kill everyone... it keeps the compotition down

*the box shuffles and bumps on the floor slightly*

You know...you might want to open that...

Oh and GB...don't worry...you can have a piece of my instead. I don't try and poison everyone, it costs so much in funeral charges and we just cant afford that!

well actually funerals cost the guild nothing... like electricity
and tax...
we will pay when asked... and as long as we are never asked we will never pay...

*goes to open the box*

I just dont like to give the ducks too much work.


*the box is down in brown paper and string and a faint noise can be heard coming from it*

*cuts the string with a dagger eagerly undoing the brown paper*

well really there getting lazy, hardly work at all those ducks...

lazy??? you havent been in my bedroom recently have you?

*box opens to reveal a grey kitten with a note attached to its collar*

*picks out the kitten cuddleing it tightly*
*takes the note off its coller*

"Dear Doctor...

We hope you enjoy our gift...we felt it only proper to give thanks for your services...unfortunately, this kitten is set to self-destruct in 1 hour unless deactivated. I'm sure your SIC will be able to, if not then our sincere condolences for your loss.

Yours sincerely

Slimy Lawyers"

*panics*
Help!!

you screamed miss?

its going to self destruct!!!

*grabs note as Anthea passes running squealing*

Oh...may I borrow that kitten a minute then?

Put it down please....on the floor...yes put it down...
*sigh*

*puts it down then backs away*