h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oo...someone came back?

Not "just" someone luv.

What'sa matter. Never seen a Tart before? Tisk. Must make up for that. Hmm. Maybe I should give you an intro ti 'Candi'. She's a Tart. By religion, mind you. Or there's always Caer. Hmm. No. She'd give you a fright for sure. Not 'many' "tamed" Tarts that ?I know of.
You really might want to start getting out more.Or not.

*cowers in a corner*
*gives in*
*goes and sits on a table eating *

Ahhhh. I feel my w*rk here is done!

...*tosses hair off to one side & relaxes with a nice stiff drink at Max's table...*

I see Andrea's been supplying the refreshments again. This is one of her cocktails: she seems to used too much mixer; cement mixer, that is.

[Puts long spoon into Pandora's drink and tries to stir it. The mixture is almost impossible to move.]

No, it's no good: I just can't loosen it. You'll have to get another drink.

[motions to steward, who brings another (much less stiff) drink to the table]

Jolly nice to see you here. I've missed you.

Trust you're keeping well.

Indeed, I actually have an "allowed list", from which I can chose.

However, the Transport Research Laboratory's site is much less interesting than the BBC's.

Ah max...
you do like your little jests about my hospitality...
I do hope that was a jest max...

I notice that you don't share my (decidedly 1950's) sense of humour.

However, YOU admitted to ME (before I ever mentioned your ability in this area) that some of your efforts in the kitchen were "differently successful", as the Pentagon might say. However, that's the sort of thing that's likely to endear you to me.

Some blue ribbon is winging its way to you, by means of express duck.

donjt mention ducks to em...
my pet duck had the misfortune of meeting a young lady within the guild who did not show the proper respects and so she killed my duck...

my other cooking is kept in the laboratory, or in a safty vault, who would have knowen that home economics would be one of the founding stones in the guild

now we have 61 members on the list people
keep up the good work

I've been meaning to ask something.

You're a goyl, as they used to say on the Lower East Side [In the background, a screech of tyres and the sound of a tommy gun, being fired, can be heard ] so why are you the "Guild Master" and not the "Guild Mistress"?

I think "Lady Warden" would be a more suitable title, for someone of your status.

well I dident think the term wasa very gender specific,
or at lest that it wasent ment to be in a gender specific way

OK but, if you want to speak mediaeval, you've got to think mediaeval, to use a distinctly unmediaeval expression.

Like "Know what I mean, say no more"?

[indignantly, sitting at table, wearing suit. Places bowler hat on table.]

Now look here, I don't think I like your tone. What, exactly, are you insinuating about Anthea?

And another thing. 1969 was hardly in the Middle Ages, was it?

Btw, that ought to be "['Do you' is omitted] Know what I mean? [pause, new sentence, cheeky grin, wink] Say no more! [an imperative]"

It was just a modern phrase that you could use.