h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*drinks *
hmmm... a touch too much cyanide for my likeing
*drinks from a hip flask*

Geez but you're a money hungry lot!Here we are, in the middle, of what could very well be, a life or death struggle and all you people can think of is money?
...*thinks to herself...*
I'm begining to really like this place!
To whomever beer that belonged to.
Repeatedly slaming my face into opti's fists have given me a powerful thirst!
...*the alcohol hits it's mark...* Thass some good medecation
...*holds broken rib...*Stares deeply into opti's light colored eye...
looks into the dark colored eye...tries to look into both her eyes at once...nearly spits up somebody else's beer...*

And. As long as we're taking a lil' breather. I'll SHOW you why calling me 'chicken' & speaking unkindly about 'feathers' has so
come to annoy me!
The spy, or should I just say, "Opti?"...*slowly walks around opti looking at her all the while...smug look on her face...the face of an angel any other time...*ahem*...anyway...walks completely around opti as opti stands viligant...*I am Cherokee.
Native American. My people were living peacefully while your ancesters were inbreeding. Little miss princess.
...*slowly unbottons black poet's shirt to her navel...slides her shirt back...exposing a tattoo of Two Feathers...Pandora's Native name...one done in blue and one in pink...on her left shoulder...
above her heart...*
What you didn't know opti, is that natai WAS a double agent for
E.S.S., The English Spy Station. Code word: "feather"...you, young lady, and I'm using that term...*whispers...*'lady', very liberally here, you ARE the spy who shagged natai!...*points to
them both...*But what you didn't know 'Missy Not-so-Tart' is that natai was on the payrole of E.S.S. since 1998! ~HA! So you see?
...*hisses...*You NEVER stood a snowball's chance!
Hahahahahaha. Hmm.
...*removes sliver, bejewled dagger from it's half sheath...*Waits.

*gets very confused*

can you make that into a film please so that i can understand it a bit more easily

just read it again...& I shall to t y p e more
slowly

...*licks her lips...tastes blood...wipes a finger across her lip...holds up her finger to show everyone...*
Opti has drawn 'first blood'!!!

Good show, opti. Your last, I fear.

I shall no longer restrain myself from a full on throttle.
Prepare youself my dear. You will soon be where your heritage
began. The 'Other Side'! Where only the dead reside.
...*removes a small orb from it's pouch...looks into it and see's opti's future...wonders if she'll become anor a ...
or...will she be a strong and mighty...only The End will tell her fate...*
Yezzzz. I see many people awaiting you at the tunnel. Go to the light as your last breath leaves your body.

...*puts her dagger back into it's half sheath...*
I want to do THIS with my bare hands.
...*Pandora's eyes glaze over...it's as though she has left her own body...she has become...The Death Machine...*BWAHAHAHA!!
Of course when I kill her I'll only recieve half pay for her body.Them's the breaks.

FIGHT!!

can you remind me ... why are you too fighting?

Oh, for the love of......opti accused me of wanting natai...
then I found that opti IS actually the spy I was sent here to arrest...SHE picked the fight with me...I now no longer care about the heafty purse to bring her in alive as this has become personal...we've called eachother names...she's broken my rib AND put a nasty bruise on my side...with bikini season still here.
Now, she's bloodied my lip. I fully intend to kill her & collect only half the purse for her corpse.
Natai is a double agent...it was HE who ratted her out...opti & natai have been having an affair...as a double agent had HAD to get close to her.
Ka-peesh? Comprende`? Are you pickin' up what I'm layin' down? Understand
Men. Hmm.

right I'm going to spook you all wooooooooohhhhhhooooooooooooo

now i understand, thing is though, do you not notice that in films things start to go wrong once its personal?

...*puts her hand on the handle of the dagger...*Butt out you!
You and you're flippin' cameras.Or YOU'LL
be next!
...*tosses her hair back...instinctively puts each side of her hair behind each ear...stands on one leg...the other is bent at the knee...the sole of her foot pressed against the inner thigh of the leg on which she stands...(this part is just here to confse-a-late you because I take great delight in that)...swings around...does a mid-air twist as Pandora now flips backwards...landing on opti's shoulder's...facing the back of opti's hair...Pan pulls opti's head back...*
If there's anything you be wantin' ta' say to your Maker,
NOW would be the best time. The begining of The End is very near for you.
IDETEST SPIES

You're welcome opti. Hope to run across you as a Mighty *one day*...well, see ya' in the funny ...papers!...*sends ato natai Well? I don't have my name fer nuthin' ya' know!

*sits waiting for someone to die*
*remembers this should be against guild rules*
hay no killing without a contract...
if however miss pandora you sighn this then you can do what you wish...

*Uncurls from blck leather chair where she has been hiding for the past two days and picks up the whiskey bought for her when she started hiding* cheers rule one. man have I got stiff legs! was it just me Dr but did you just say we could kill people? you may not have many members left if so. *wriggles in chair and finds a bum shaped squirrel under her.*

Nil Mortifi Sine Lucre
Nil Mortifi Sine Lucre

whats the point in having the motto if no-one pays atention to it...

no killing without payment...
and it has to be an aproved contract....

...*runs her finger, once again along her bloody lip...marks a huge red 'X'
...on some paper that's distracting her...*

...*begins to squeeze her upper thighs together...cutting off air and blood
alike to opti's brain...Pandora whispers in opti's ear...*if you tap the floor twice with your hand...I shall spare you life...jerks forward...knocking opti to the
floor...*...*Pandora lands on her knees...strangeling opti like a boa
constrictor... with the thighs of an equestrian master......*

*looks at the contract now with a bloody cross on it*
and a name of your choice Lady Pandora?

wait a sec!!! We've been waiting for days for this fight and now you're stopping them as they don't have a contract??? Cool...

~Skenvoy

sorry about the cameras just though u would like a record, i won't do anythign with it without your permission, but it could be used as a guild training video. i will give you a so you can tell me which parts to remove, and ... butting out

your selcome sil ... i hope your not drinking a pint of whiskey all at once

i take it this is on opti...
since you are currently trying to kill....