h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ithinki meanused to thinkthat billiard balls were covered in fur

Well, that depends how long they've been left untouched...

I'm missing two socks!

One's blue and yellow (stripey) The other's pink with diamonds on it. If anyone finds them could you please send them home to the Republic of Unc , they are missing their partners

That's so tragic! The least you can do is pair them together and let them take solace in each other. This effect is best shown off by wearing them together with sandals so everyone can see the dreadful losses they've suffered.

They are currently in my sock drawer where they are in the company of many other socks, some of which have been in similar situations themselves. They may need wearing soon otherwise they may feel rejected which is the last thing they need after the loss of their partners.

Attention:
Bad news from my bedroom-state. The Haberdashery Minister went insane due to stress, and ate all the crumbs in the kingdom. Sock riots inspired rampaging mobs to attempt to fashion solid and comfortable footwear out of all the dirty plates in the landscape. A few flys went on protest against the enviromental destruction that this engendered, but were trampled by the angry hordes who were eager for footwear. Dave, the eye on the one eyed egg, has been abducted, along with his user, by my mother; they are missing, presumed binned.
The attack on the Grandparent's Goods factory went disasterously; troops were dangerously short of food-crumbs, and as a result their stomachs swelled to giant sizes, and they were unable to fit through the skylight. As something to do, the bacteria invaded the spider, which grew to seven hundred times its usual size, and exploded, showering gibs into everyone's mouths. All citizens nearby rather liked it, and ate all the ones who weren't, and then eachother, until there was only one extremely fat one left; he jumped into the sea to find the whales, and bobbed away, never to be seen again.
Current population: 000001.

It must have been rather crowded before.

Alas, poor socks!
How sad is the fate of the lone sock... never again worn, adorning a lucky foot. Never again put to any use, unless they are degraded to the role of a rag. Always longing for the lost partner, gone forever from the realm of the sock-drawer.
Alone they sit, among their more fortunate brethren, mourning in silent sock-language, weeping in invisible sock-tears. How sad is the fate of the lone sock!

Lost socks, declining republic popluations, it is all quite tragic.

I'll have to stick some 'Has anyone seen these socks' posters up.

You should. Earlier this year someone stuck posters up around campus looking for a lucky left sock, but I never did see any traces of it, poor sock.

*rewind**replay*
How sad is the fate of the lone sock... never again worn, adorning a lucky foot. Never again put to any use, unless they are degraded to the role of a rag. Always longing for the lost partner, gone forever from the realm of the sock-drawer.
Alone they sit, among their more fortunate brethren, mourning in silent sock-language, weeping in invisible sock-tears. How sad is the fate of the lone sock!

After a year of lying partnerless, when it becomes clear that they are doomed to remain odd, they are given the option of becoming sock puppets.

It's a fitting death for a sock. Especially if it has the option of becoming a sock monkey.

But is it really death? Or is it a new life?

The lone sock rises from the ashes of dispair, and assumes a new form. It now has eyes, it has a mouth, it possibly has hair. It is no longer a lone sock - it is a sock puppet!

(please read with dramatic music playing in the background)

A phoenisock!



That looks rather... dubious now I come to look at it for a second time.

Yes, take out a couple of letters and you've got a completely different use for odd socks.

Or of course odd socks could be used as wind socks.

My cat has been having high-level talks with the socks in my sock-drawer.

Several of my socks have apparently sought asylum at my parents on the fortnightly use the washing machine trip. Never a whole pair though.