h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Blackadder: Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you up into strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?

- Duel and Duality

I think I have to agree! That quote is entertaining AND useful.

There are so many to choose from! But personally, I like:

George: "Permission to shout bravo at an annoyingly loud volume!"

Queenie: "They've just vanished."
Percy: "Like an old oak table."
Queenie: "I said vanished Lord Percy, not varnished."

Prince George: "You'll need a stiff drink when you see the size of these trousers!"

And of course, Ludwig's "apple-ogies". ^_^

"George, The British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika"

and

"Most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd prefer to meet, Squadren Commander Flashheart and the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, they'd go for Wee Jock 'Poo-Pong' McPlop every time."

forgot one:

"Baldrick, am i jumping the gun here, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?"

That cheered me up.

Melchett: Course I am. Now let's talk about something more jolly, shall we? Look, this is the amount of land we've recaptured since yesterday.
George: Oh, excellent.
Melchett: Erm, what is the actual scale of this map, Darling?
Darling: Er, one-to-one Sir.
Melchett: Come again?
Darling: Er, the map is actually life-size, Sir. It's superbly detailed. Look, look, there's a little worm.
Melchett: Oh, yes. So the actual amount of land retaken is?
(Darling takes out a tape measure and proceeds to measure the map)
Darling: Excuse me... Seventeen square feet Sir.
Melchett: Excellent. So you see, young Blackadder didn't die horribly in vain after all.

(Sorry its such a long quote but I just love it!)

This is one om my favourites:

Baldrik: I love my mum!
Blackadder: I love chops and sause, Baldrik. That doesn`t mean I seek their advise.

soo many. one of my faves:
dahling: i wasn't born yesterday you know blackadder
bladder: more's the pity, we could've started your personality from scratch.

another. percy playing archery.

percy:i'd like to see the spaniard who could make his way past me!
bladder: well go to spain, there are millions of them.

So.....you.....don't.....know.....the.....way......to....France....
EITHER!!!?

"YOU HAVE A WOMAN'S PURSE, MILORD!! I'll wager that purse has never been used as a rowing boat... I'll wager it's never had sixteen shipwrecked mariners tossing in it!"

-Captain Rum


Young crone: Two things, my lord, must ye know of the wise woman... First.. she is... A WOMAN! And second.... she is...

Blackadder: Wise?

Young crone: You DO know her, then.

Blackadder: No, just a wild stab in the dark, which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful...

My favourite quote comes from my favourite episode, Private Plane ; Lord Flashheart; "No, not in half an hour, you rubber desk johnny. Send the bitch with the wheels right now or I'll fly back to England and give your wife something to hang her towels on!!!" Also a lot has to be said for Blackadder, talking about Lord Flashhearts Flying Aces, "I don't care how many times they go up-diddly-up-up, they"re still gits!"

General Melchett: ...The case before us is that of the crown versus Captain Blackadder the flanders pigeon murderer. Oh pass me the black cap will you i'll be needing that...

I think it's the casual way he asks for it. Its so horrible yet so funny...

Also anything the actors say in sense and senility. The OTTness is perfect. Anyone who performed in a Shakespeare play at school will understand...

Red Baron: How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you it is the basis of an entire culture.

- Private Plane
Blackadder goes fourth

Ah hah!

That appears to be a quote SO CUNNING that you could brush your teeth with it!

A phrase SO CUNNING that you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel!

IN FACT, I believe it that the idea of juxtoposing those words in such a way to be the BEST IDEA since Rodney Tricycle got bored of walking and invented a device with 3 wheels and a bell...

"What is "C"? See is the big wavy thing, where mermaides live in"

Black Adder III

Nursie: Ointment. That's what you need when your head's been cut off. That's what I gave your sister Mary when they done her. 'There, there,' I said. 'You'll soon grow an new one.'

- Head Blackadder II

Nursie is wierd...


"Stop it at once or Mr. and Mrs. spank will be paying a short, sharp visit to Botty Land..."

Percy: Pishroomie, Edmund! You're in good fooling this morning.

Edmund: Don't say `pishroomie', Percy -- only stupid actors say `pishroomie'.

Percy: Oh, I how would love to be an actor! I had a great talent for it in my youth -- I was the man of a thousand faces.

Edmund: How'd you come to choose the ugly mug you've got now, then?

Percy: Hah hah! Tush, My Lord.

Edmund: ...and don't say `tush', either! It's only a short step from `tush' to `hey nonny nonny'; and then, I'm afraid, I'll shall have to call the police.

Blackadder: "Or as I shall be known from know on, "the Black Vegetable!"

Baldrick: "My lord, wouldn`t something like "the Black Adder", sound better?"

Blackadder: "No, wait, I think I have a better idea! What about THE BLACK ADDER?!"