h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Firstly, anything to do with Lord Flashheart.
Then:

Queenie: My father used to laugh at those people with the funny faces, and the bells.
Melchett: Ah- jesters, ma'am
Queeie: No... Lepers.

Blackadder: They do say, Mrs Miggins, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.

That will do for now, no doubt more when i think of them

i like this scene

Blackadder: well Baldrick A good nights work i think it time to devide the loot and i think it only fair that we should share it equally.

Baldrick: which i surpose is highwaymans talk for you get the cash i get the snotty hanky.

Blackadder: No no no we did this robbery together so you get half the cash

Baldrick: ahh thankyou Mr.B

Blackadder: This robbery on the other han i'm doing alone hand it over the money or your life. You see all fair and above board.

Baldrick: Fair anouth as long as i havn't been cheated i dont mind

I can't believe that nobody has yet quoted the great Stephen Fry as Wellington in BA3...

"The men had a whipround to buy you this. Actually I had the men roundly whipped until they bought you this.
"It's a cigarillo case, emblazoned with the company motif of two crossed dead Frenchmen on a background of a mound of dead Frenchmen motif."

Comedy gold

Blackadder: They do say Mrs.M that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.

George: Look what I've got for you sir.

Blackadder: What?

George: It's the latest issue of "King and Country." Ah! Damned ispiring stuff! The magazine that tells the tommies the truth about the war!

Blackadder: Or alternatively, the greatest work of fiction since vows of fidelity were included in the French marriage service.

More on the French...

Mrs. Miggins: Pies!? We don't serve "pies" anymore! My french clientele consider pies uncouth!

Blackadder: I hardly think a nation that eats snails and would go to bed with the kitchen sink if it put on a tutu, is in ANY postion to preach couth-ness.

(Blackadder turns and starts to walk out of Mrs. M's)

Frenchman: Bon Jour, monsieur.

Blackadder: Sod off.

Season 2, Baldrick to Edmund:
Shall I prepare the guestroom for Mr Cockup, my Lord ?

Season 4, Baldrick's War Poem:
Hear the song I sing,
This war's a horrid thing,
So I sing, sing, sing.
Ding-a-ling-a-ling.

Melchett: Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan, to ensure final victory in the field.
Blackadder: Ah, would this brilliant plan involved us getting out of our trenches, and walking very slowly towards the enemy sir?
Darling: How could you possibly know that Blackadder? It's classified information!
Blackadder: It's the same plan that we used last time, and the seventeen times before that.

Melchett: If all else fails, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.

AND

Blackadder: Unfortunately most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd rather meet, Squadron Commander Flasheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop every time.

:D Just after I used the exact same quote on my freind in a conversation on msn, I came on here and lo-and-behold you said it :D Awesome quote, but I don't really have a faveorite they are all so good . Some that stood out were...

The Hawk: Going on a journey my lord?

Blackadder: (Extremely Sarcastically) No I thought I'd stand here all day and talk to you. LMAO!
________________________

Percy: We could have, the morris dancers my lord.

Blackadder: We are not THAT desperate, Morris dancing is the most fatuous tenth-weight entertainment ever devised by man. (Heres comes the good bit ) Forty effeminate blacksmiths waving bits of cloth they've just wiped their noses on!

And then there's the best bit ever when he hits Percy and Harry comes in and they pretend they are playing around LMAO best bit ever

________________________

George: So, this map must belong to the man who owns the feild?
________________________

[Cut line from Blackadder Back And Forth. WHY DIDN'T THEY LEAVE IT IN ] Blackadder: (Upon opening door to T-Rex) The Words OH and BUGGER would seem appropriate.
________________________

Percy: Oh no I found that very moving my lord.

Blackadder: Well it better be funny or prick'll get him comeuppance! :P

THATS ABOUT IT

Flashheart to George about joining the Royal Flying Corps - 'You should join the Flying Corps, George. That's the way to fight a war. Tasty tuck, soft beds and a uniform so smart it's got a PhD from Cambridge.

I love the episode in Blackadder Goes Forth, Private Plane. So anything by Rik Mayall is brilliant! Especially...

Flasheart: If word gets out that I'm dead, two million girls will kill themselves! I don't want hem on my conscience...not when they want to be on my face!

Or again, Blackadder's dry remark that between Squadron Commander the Lord Flasheart and the man who cleans the local lavatories in Aberdeen, the men would rather meet...

"Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop any time".

another of baldrick's famous war poems:

Baldrick: BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM...
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
BOOM, BOOM. BOOM, BOOM.

Blackadder: BOOM, BOOM, BOOM?

Baldrick: How did you guess, sir?

George: I say sir, that is spooky!

one of my favourite quotes!

equally as funny is the one when Slacky says to Flashheart: I'm afraid not, most of the infantry think you are a prat. Ask them who they would rather meet: Squadron Commander Flashheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they would go for Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop every time.

I'm a newcomer so thats why this is a bit late.
some of my faves

Blackadder: Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you up into strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?

Blackadder: "Something is always wrong, Balders. The fact that I am not a millionaire aristocrat with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant niggle.

Ludwig: You find yourself amusing, Blackadder.
Blackadder: I try not to fly in the face of public opinion.

Blackadder: The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Perce?

Blackadder: 'I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on...'

Blackadder: Baldrick, you wouldn't recognize a cunning plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsichord singing 'cunning plans are here again'.


Nursie: "Oh, that's another good idea. You're so clever today, you better be careful your foot doesn't fall off."
Queenie: "Does that happen when you have lots of brilliant ideas? Your foot falls off?"
Nursie: "It certainly does. My brother; he had this brilliant idea of cutting his toenails with a scythe, and >his< foot fell off..."

Blackadder: What are you wearing round your neck?
Percy: It's my new ruff
Blackadder: You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate
Percy: It's the latest fashion actually and it makes me look rather sexy
Blackadder: To another plate-swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and
hadn't had it in months.

woah thats heaps. i just bought all the dvds and have watched the first 3 series in one week.

strangeone

from Money (BA2):

BA : Baldrick, go out into the street and let it be known that my house is for sale. Sir Percy, just go out into the street.

Delivered utterly deadpan and all the better for that.

yes that is definatley one of my top quotes

also i love that conversation with melchy, darling and blackadder

security isnt a dirty word blackadder, crevice is a dirty word but security isnt

so in the name of security everyone who enters the room has to have their bottom fondled by this drooling pervert

only doing my job blackadder

how lucky you are then that your job is also your hobby

now there's another dirty word job

the thing is blackadder that there is a leak in the hospital

now leak is a positivley digusting word !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!