I hate punctuation............
My sweet dog, Halitosis died today from a squib in the main palsy of his atria. I am sad. It's not the first time I have lost a loved pet from the intricate machinations of a freak sandwich accident, his green galoshes were seen careering over the edge of a cliff, a tent pole clutched in his paw.
I was in a trance on the way back and had to think carefully before traversing the hump back octopi which frequent these parts, particularly in the run up to the sultry solstace known as Ermentrude.
The clergy have never been much cop in a crisis and today was no exception, Father Monahan was playing some unsavoury game with the toe-rags in the well and the Parson was having a time tying his own shoelaces to a helium pump fixed to a mandible with a rosette on his lapel, I think it was yellow (the mandible not the rosette...or the helium pump...that was red.) The rosette was orange.
It was the prime of his life but the turkey was basted, I was wasted and the Billy Goat was under the spool. How much is the pony in the bush when one is worth a stitch in time? The answer my friend is written in the underside of a petrie dish, discarded and forgotten by the A711 from Dalbeatie to Dumfries. God how I miss my globetrotting days in the Raj when the women wore smiles and the men, petticoats. The storks would brandish their muskets and the pirates would waste their dubloons on the loose women of the (Norfolk) Broads.
I would like to impart with you some more reasonable ruminations that I have been enjoying with remarkable frequency while bathing in the more calmer waters of the garage which I must say has been a trifle slurried of late. The hitchhiker seemed nonplussed to be informed of the impending marsupial war which had been threatened on the wireless by a swarthy man with much hair. "Beware!!! Marsupials!!! On the rampage!!!", I shouted with obvious enthusiasm waving my louffer for all to see, he looked at me plaintively and in no uncertain terms told me to re-sheath the device or his wrath would impose great episcopal meringues which would be ingratiating in the extreme. I implored him to reconsider his foolish contraries but he insisted on reclaiming the custard from the drain as he had when first I had curtailed him. I decided he must be 3 bananas short of a fritter and decided to phone the police with all speed, afterall it is one's civic duty to report all.
HooHaa and Cackerwalling were the items of the day on Sunday with a large pestilence of beans raining in from the north-west, many had decided to cower in nooks and crannies more commonly frequented by the proletariat.
I, with my undersea knowledge of all things survival decided that to avoid the paraphernalia, a sheet of marzipan with apricot jam was the only way to expedite a nubbin for the retreat.
If you should decide to respond to this endearment, please ensure that all saliva has been removed from the fridge and the independent thing that lives in the whatyamacallit has been emptied from our lives.
Conversations
| Conversation Title | Latest Post | Latest Reply |
|---|---|---|
| Best quote | Oct 24, 2005 | Oct 25, 2007 |
| Angus's replacement! | Oct 31, 2002 | Dec 16, 2003 |
| Hello MindCrime... | Apr 11, 2002 | Apr 12, 2002 |
MindCrime
Researcher U173087
Entries
Most Recent Edited Entries
- This user has not written any Edited Entries.
Entries
- This user has not written any Edited Entries.
Disclaimer
h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of Not Panicking Ltd. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."