h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What is you favourite quote from Red Dwarf? Post it here so everyone can remeber that sweet moment.

Cat: I'm so handsome, there's a six-month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear whenever I am near!

"You see I try sir, it's just rimmer's such a smeg head!"

From:- "Waiting for God" Season 1, Episode 4

CAT: Hey! You can't have my shiny thing! I found it, it's my shiny thing.

RIMMER: What are you dribbling about?

CAT: (Pulls out a silver yo-yo) This is my shiny thing, and if you try and take it off me, I may have to eat you.

Tikka to Ride:

Cat: Mmmm. Chicken's good.
Lister: Yeah. Pretty good.
Kryton: That's not chicken, sirs.
Cat: Mmmm. What is it?
Kryton: Its that man we found. It seemed such a waste, just to leave him lying there when he would BBQ so beautifully....
......
Rimmer: He He He. One moment you're down, the next you rise back up again.

***Queeg***


Queeg: OK suckers, get this into your stupid thick heads, there is only one thing i want to say to you...

Lister: What?

Holly: ...What's happenin' dudes? We are talking jape of the decade, we are talking April, May, June, July and August fool! Yes that's right, I am Queeg.

Crew: WHAT!

Holly: Queeg never existed it was me all along.

Crew: WHAT!

Holly: Wheeze of the week mate. Going round in circles for 14 months, get my information from the Junior Colour Encyclopaedia of Space. The respect you have for me is awsome, in it.

Lister: So you staged the whole thing?

Queeg: That's right suckers!

Holly: And the moral of the story is... appreciate what you've got, cos basically, I am fantastic!

He is Arnold Rimmer, that is his crime, it is also his punishment.

"Play hard, doss hard!"

Rimmer: I'm a smmee heee ??? -series 4 ep 1

I say we go out there and twat it!

Talkie Toaster Scene:

Lister: And another thing, he always says 'Howdlydoodlydoo'. It drives you spare, I mean what the smeg does 'Howdlydoodlydoo' mean?

Kryten: Well just trust me sir, my motives will become clear.

[Turns Talkie Toaster On]

Talkie Toaster: 'Howdlydoodlydoo!' How's it goin', I'm Talkie. Talkie Toaster your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?

Lister: Look, I don't want any toast and he doesn't want any toast. In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. No toast.

Talkie Toaster: How 'bout a muffin?

Lister: Or muffins! We don't like muffins round here. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns, and DEFINITELY no smegging flapjacks.

Talkie Toaster: Ah! So you're a waffle man...

Lister: You see? You see what he's like? He winds me up, man, there's no reasoning with him.

Kryten: If you'll allow me sir, as one mechanical to another, he'll understand me. [To toaster] Now, you listen here, you will not offer any grilled bread products to any member of the crew. If you do, you will be on the recieving end of a very lare polo-mallet. Hmph!

Talkie Toaster: Can I ask, just one question?

Kryten: Of course...

Talkie Toaster: Does anyone want any toast?

"Unpack Rachel and bring out the puncture repair kit - I'm alive!" Rimmer...er, the one with the photos in.

Timeslides, that was it. Had to think about it for a wee while. Well, several hours actually. Okay then, a day already. What of it?

and!

"....I've devised a system to revolutionise music. I've decimalised it,
Instead of the octave, it's the decative. I've invented two new notes, H and J, now it goes... doh, ray, me, fah, soh, lah, woh, boh, tee, doh...." (Holly: Kryten I think.)

Made me laugh. Hurhurgh

I take it its a case of 'Everybody's dead, Dave'..

Rimmer: "Now... That's all I can remember"

Lister: "Where's that from then?"

Rimmer: "Richard III you moron. That speech he does at the beginning: Now...something, something, something... unforgettable."

(Marooned) (Used it in an exam once as an example of something or other, and got marks for it - all hail Arn )

"Anyone got a popadum the size of lake Michigan?"