Skiiing

• Visit your local butcher and pay £50 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two £50 notes to warm up.
• Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after
  every use.
• Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of
  your head before you go to bed each night.
• If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared
  on the lenses.
• Throw away a £100 note - now..
• Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20
  times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory
  bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.
  Sporadically drop things..
• Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them
  with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your
  toes.
• Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
• Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to
  run into you at high speed.
• Go to McDonald's and insist on paying £8.50 for a
  hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
• Clip a lift ticket to the zip of your jacket and ride a
  motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
• Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's
  in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.
• Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the
  spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it
  melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
• Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to
  take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
• Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
• Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until
  it's time for the real thing!