The Stretcher

2 Conversations

The Stretcher blob, as designed by Malabarista

Skanky's Notes


It's good to be back after my rather cowardly withdrawal to The Gambia for the eviction round. Rumours that I timed my holiday in order to get Pin to shoulder all the blame are, of course, entirely true. It was actually far more amusing watching him trying to get his flippers around the spreadsheet I've designed to keep track of all the scores; there are clearly some things that seals just aren't designed to do.


You've just got us lads this week, I'm afraid. Galaxy Babe has been unable to review your submissions this week due to a painful tooth, so this week's judging is a rather grumpy, personality-free zone. You have been warned...

There's just one more challenge now before our second round of evictions, when we'll be saying goodbye to the bottom two once again. So please get your votes in by next Thursday; as we get closer to the line, they become more and more important.

Without further ado, then, here are your scores.

'All the Time in the World' by Alex 'Tufty' Ashman

Skankyrich

I really liked this one. The premise isn't exactly original, but the execution certainly is. I'm not sure you've set it out in the best way possible – if you'd described the apparatus first, the reactions of the small number of the crowd to the appearance of Isaac would have led into the next section more naturally.

7/10

Pinniped

This is clever, and a novel treatment of the time-travel dilemma in a crowded genre. The singularity of the scene fits and is used effectively, though the 'famous' event requirement is hardly respected.

I think a more succinct treatment would have been still more effective, though. There's quite a lot of padding here: most of the first paragraph is superfluous, for example. The best storytelling requires that even the most compelling philosophical ideas are called upon to move the narrative forward.

7/10

'I am a Camera' by Beatrice

Skankyrich

This is one of two real stand-out pieces written for this challenge, and of them all this is the one that gets closest to photojournalism, something that the lead-in lead-out exacerbates. It's emotive and powerful, and captures so much more than just the visual aspects of the scene. A superb piece.

9/10

Pinniped

Heartfelt and topical, the anxiousness of the piece carries its subject and sentiment with exceptional power.

The best responses to this Challenge are the ones that use their constraints to focus and amplify their message, and this is one. It's photojournalism taken very literally, and this is a great photograph.

8/10

'The Ashes, 2005 - a Snapshot of Sportsmanship'
by
Danny B

Skankyrich

This was the only submission to be entered into PR, and for that alone you deserve much credit. The 'natural' home of pieces like this is AWW, but you've come up with an experimental piece that not only fits the guidelines but challenges yourself, reviewers and indeed the forum itself. This kind of work is exactly what I was hoping for when I came up with the idea for the competition. Well done.

You'll be aware that I'm familiar with the scene you describe, and I think you've handled it rather well. The issue I have with it is you describe more context than content, and when it comes to capturing the moment I was perhaps expecting rather more flowery prose. Even so, it's a great PR piece.

8/10

Pinniped

One of several examples this week of a 'Magic Boomerang' treatment, where an observer scans a frozen scene. Some time does pass in the world of the observer (he glances, for instance). I've decided this device is acceptable, though not perfectly pure.

The only contestant this week to risk Peer Review, making it hard to judge, since the piece's main weakness is the concession made to that format. It's overwritten, because of a need (whether real or perceived) to explain the context of the scene. The pity is, everyone who'll love this piece didn't need any of that. They'd have got it anyway, or revelled in the fun of going and finding out.

7/10

'Jornado del Muerto'
by
dmitrigheorgheni

Skankyrich

This is incredibly powerful and compelling; beautifully paced, coolly observed, and almost beyond critique. One of the best submissions in the whole competition thus far.

9/10

Pinniped

Different class, this. The obviousness of the subject is forgiven: he got in first and seized it, and he's used it so very well.

This piece really is frozen in an instant, but the significance of the moment is huge. A single moment bringing down an eternity of fear, and the writing captures the menace and irreversibility of it all. The invocation of Shiva is immaculate.

My one reservation is the last line, which seems anticlimactic. I think it cries out for something like “This world is become mortal.”

9/10

'A Moment in Time: Syracuse circa 225BC'
by
Frenchbean

Skankyrich

A rare moment of light relief among this week's generally powerful and brooding pieces, and one that really sparkles. It's obvious that you really enjoyed writing this piece, and it's a competent, fun read. This standard puts you right in contention.

8/10

Pinniped

Great choice of moment, universally recognisable. The piece itself is well written, succinct and compliant.

The “EUR...” at the end is superfluous. It should have just ended “...shaping a single word”, or similar. Nobody needs a clue as to what the word is.

7/10

'Execution'
by
MinorVogonPoet

Skankyrich

This is a competent effort, but falls a little flat. It would have been interesting to have had a more powerful contrast between the New Model Army and the crowd and King; the cold, steely soldiers are depicted nicely, but without developing the other people in a similar way it almost feels as if the piece is all about them. For example, Charles was reputed to have worn extra shirts so that his shivering wouldn't be misinterpreted as fear, and perhaps if you'd given him a sense of dignity it would have made a more powerful piece.

7/10

Pinniped

A well chosen subject this, generally ably described, but not quite there in portent and tension, at least until that very good final line. Shock is an effective way to apply the freeze that this Challenge calls for, but the piece doesn't really have it. For example, it would have been easy to call on indignance and disgust (this is regicide, after all) as the suspension mechanism.

The error in the date is quite bizarre, almost like saying the Battle of Hastings was in 1065.

6/10

'High Noon'
by
Psycorp603

Skankyrich

I confess that I had no idea what scene was being described here, having – shock, horror – never seen the film in question...

This did, however, allow me to view the scene from your description without already having a reference point in my mind, and you've done a fairly good job. What is somewhat lacking, and I'm sure your headache played no small part in this, is the easy, charismatic writing style we've come to expect from you. That's a shame, because it's one of your greatest strengths. In particular, the six 'details' felt rather lumpen and detracted from the flow considerably.

So it's a fairly low score from me, I'm afraid, although that reflects as much on the work you're up against as the piece itself. The bar has been raised considerably over recent weeks.

6/10

Pinniped

For a moment there I was confused in the company of Gary Cooper, but then the right film clicked in. I remember the scene, though I hadn't realised it had acquired cult status in it's own right.


This is well-written, nicely observed and (I'm sure) freeze-frame accurate. I like it more than Psy's recent efforts. The ideas are always got, but at last we're getting some sweat in the implementation.

I think I know the answer too. Solo shot first, didn't he?

7/10

'The Plague of Locusts'
by
Tibley Bobley

Skankyrich

This is tough. Occasionally, a piece is submitted that doesn't quite meet the challenge we've set, and I feel obliged to pedantically mark it down regardless of how much I like it.

I like this piece. It lacks a little focus, but describes the scene very competently and the 'tragedy' is described sensitively. However, it isn't a 'camera' piece; it's a perfectly adequate description of a scene, but time does pass. For that alone, I can't really give it the score the writing deserves.

Churlish? Probably, yes. But the beauty of this competition is that you can always vote against me...

6/10

Pinniped

A good choice of subject, but the treatment isn't quite compliant. Shouting and banging has a duration, for example, and that's far from the only transgression. The idea of the locusts living in a different, fleeter time-frame from the humans is neat, though.

The big canvas still isn't quite working for TB in my opinion. There's nobody on the site who does claustrophobia better, pinning the reader against the wall, but her panoramas aren't as disturbing as they're meant to be.

7/10

'Pietà'
by
Trout Montague

Skankyrich

This is an excellent piece which grows with every read and manages to be utterly horrific and rather touching at the same time. It's extremely clever in that it's a mild critique of the resulting painting as much as it is a description of the scene, and despite the gore is subtle enough for it to take a few reads to really get the full effect. Short, but more than does the job. Good work.

7/10

Pinniped

Its brevity won't please everyone, but its impact compensates and perhaps thrives on the sparseness. There really is blood everywhere in this piece. Just before drowning in it, the 'moment' is revealed, and it's cleverly uplifting. Despair is dispelled by the gathering of purpose.

Is this what David intended? If so, I actually find Trout's version more affecting. This is more than just some dead guy in a bath.

The device of putting (manhandling, even) the reader into the scene is an effective one for the horror genre.

7/10

Have Your Say!


Here are the scores from the judges, arranged nice and neatly into a table. Voting rules follow as ever.

Position Researcher
1 dmitrigheorgheni
2 Beatrice
3= Danny B
3= Frenchbean
5= AlexAshman
5= Trout Montague
7 MinorVogonPoet
8= Psycorp603
8= Tibley Bobley
  1. You may vote once, and once only. Please email your votes to The Stretchers. If you can't use this direct link, hovering your mouse over the link should reveal our email address. If you cannot get the link to work, simply post below and we'll try to help you. You must quote your username and h2g2 Researcher number (U-number) with your vote; votes without these will be rejected without query.

  2. Votes received after the deadline or cast onsite will not be counted.

  3. If you're taking part, do not ask other people to vote for you. This is not a popularity contest, and we hope that everyone will vote for the piece they genuinely feel is best each issue. We reserve the right to discount votes if we feel that contestants are canvassing, votes are being traded or unusual voting patterns are developing.

  4. Contestants are perfectly entitled to vote for their own pieces if they feel their writing is the best submitted; however, please note that we will be on the look-out for dodgy voting patterns, and that includes contestants who consistently vote for themselves.

  5. Votes will be tallied using a formula that normalises the votes cast and scores given, then returns a number between 0 and 2. We will publish the rankings, but not the actual scores as they are rather undramatic, relative rather than absolute, and fairly meaningless to look at. In the event of a tie, whichever piece is scored highest by Skankyrich is ranked highest. If there is still a tie, Skankyrich will decide who is placed higher.

The Next Challenge


This week's challenge is very much open to your interpretation, though you'll be glad to know it's short and simple:

You must write an Entry that defends the indefensible, and submit it to Peer Review.

Deadline for submissions is Thursday, April 9th – good luck!

The Stretcher Archive

Pinniped and Skankyrich

02.04.09 Front Page

Back Issue Page


Bookmark on your Personal Space


Entry

A49246059

Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


Disclaimer

h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more