h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Try the Robert Sternberg link on My Space; food fo thought...

Actually it should say "Lovology" ^ ^ ^ Try it!

another yank? fine. maybe we can change the BBC's revolting censorship policy and cuss up a storm... or not. yeah, love is elusive, specially when you are looking for it. sometimes it falls right in yer lap if you give up the search. ever read scott peck's analysis, in The Road Less Traveled? Love = Committment, simplified. all the other stuff like infatuation and romance are nothing short of sexual attraction, cloaked in socially accepted costumes. tough to argue with that, once youre willing to look at it honestly. what do you think?

ooops-- that was supposed to be a reply to AGNES MICROBE-- consarn these dagnabits!!

What did you mean by "Another yank?"?

You obviously have no insight into the supreem beings that are women

Women are not totaly impossible to figure out. In fact I have come to my small understanding of the situation. Here it is:

It seems to me that women consider themselves as some sort of sacrificial lambs. They honestly beleive that whatever has happened to them and whatever does happen to them is for the good of universe.

Can you clarify the whole Doormat mentality?
"If you love someone set them free!"
or is it
If you love someone let them ensnare you with emotional blackmail, scare off your friends and be paradoxically both insanely possessive and yet afraid of commitment!"

ahh the battle of the sexies-- vive le difference! i read an article about the neurophysiological differences between male and female, in several spieces including man. seems it's all in the hormones, since females have a few that males lack and this causes their brains to function differently.
but to marvin's point, taking loved ones hostage is not limited to either gender. i've known men to be worse jealous and less committed in "relationships" as well.

what i would like to know, is why does an intelligent bloke like yourself seek to explore the nature of the female gender when it's quite obviously impossible to define? i like it that way, personally. wouldnt it be boring if we all were the same?

I don't believe it's impossible to define. There are people who kid themselves and or others about reality. There are people who don't.

Can anyone else clarify the whole Doormat mentality issue?^^

ok, you dont like what i have to say, so maybe another researcher can clarify the Doormat thing, or self-flagellation, as i would name it-- http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/A207433. good luck marvin.

I think your post makes it clear why so many women are unhappy, and so many men frustrated. Men (not all, but most) are pretty straightforward about what they want. Unless you're a very naive young woman, you'll easily identify the men who are out for sex. The other men, for the most part, are happy to tell you straight up what they want. It's rational and logical to do so.

Many, many, many women, however, seem to think it's best to hide, obfuscate, or just plain lie about what they want, and then they get mad when the men don't give it to them. Not all women do this--my girlfriend is an example of a smart woman who asks for what she needs and gets it. This is to her immense benefit.

Ladies, PLEASE understand that we WANT to make you happy. It makes us feel good. It makes us feel manly and special. But you all want different things, as you're individuals and unique beings. Why is it, then, that so often, we men must guess what you want, what you're thinking, and why you get mad at us for not being able to read your minds?

I have dated women that got angry with me for opening the car door for them (considered it an insult). I have dated women who thought it very gentlemanly and romantic. I have dated women who liked dirty movies. I have dated women who would be appalled at the thought of renting one. And so on.

Now, the thing is, I usually had to get in trouble with the woman to find this stuff out. Younger men especially, who may have limited experience, have NO CHANCE IN HELL of getting this stuff right. Even as we get into our late 20s and 30s, it's still very hit-or-miss.

So ladies, do yourselves--and us--all a favor, and TELL US WHAT YOU WANT. And TELL US WHAT YOU MEAN. We are men, not mind-readers.

And despite all the crap you put us through, we do still love you.

If you are still miserable about not knowing what women want, I am going to help you: Women want to be loved, that is all! When a woman is loved, she walks tall, she blooms, she feels wonderful and she makes her lover happy by loving him in return and giving him everything he needs to feel good too. Women want to know they are loved, they want to feel protected,yes, protected, despite their independence etc. etc. When a man can dedicate himself to loving instead of being macho and all-knowing and dominating and all that stupid stuff, letting woman be herself and appreciate her, he will be happy. It is so easy, but nobody seems to know easy. Just concentrate on loving a woman and you'll be surprised..... Good luck to you! But do come down to earth.

Butcher, that's the best post so far!

Researcher 212446, some women think they know but do not know what love means.

O.K. Marvin, teach us, please, since you know!! Love 211674

to Researcher 212446 (why dont you pick a name? so much friendlier that way)
i cant thank you enough for your clear exposition about what all women want! to be loved! ahhh of course! why didnt i see that? gee, it was right there in front of my face!

now, dearie, maybe you can go on to explain exactly HOW to love? because it turns out there are many many MANY ways to do that--

no, i think the Butcher has nailed down some of the main difficulties of loving someone-- but it is not only women who need to make their needs known; it works both ways. communication is the key, but committment is the LOCK.

to use a VERY old quote: "and thats what i think."

As Dale Carnegie would say, ask an expert:
http://psyche.tvu.ac.uk/phdrg/atkins/atws/document/280.html
http://www.austincc.edu/mpatters/psyc1633/overheads/08love/sld003.htm
Mr. Robert Sternberg rocks my world!
Android

Uh Yankme, I loved everything you had to say so far, so why do I suddenly feel attacked? How to love, eh? Well, let me see.... hm...., of course you are right, it is communicating, it is sharing, it is MANY things and I like to say also, it is attitude. If you go into a relationship, where there is attraction and to make it short, all the necessary feelings, you have to consider that it is for ever. But I also think it is impossible to write instructions about something so delicate, that can be destroyed so easily by just a word, a lie or what have you. In the end, I don't really know. I know it has worked for me once, wonderfully. I have also had the great fortune of living a passion for three months, which was something I am still grateful for, even thought it was love while it was going on, but I soon recognized what it really was. Well, we could go on and on and never come to clear step by step solutions. After all, we are all humans and no two humans are alike. But I insist, we must love, without love we are nothing and we also need each other, because alone we are not much. How was that? Any good?

marvin, you are da bomb, baby! those links were extremely enlightening. much better perspective than scott peck's analysis in The Road Less Traveled. thank you thank you thank you! passion, intimacy and committment. yes! i am now off to find "consumate" love... or not. got problems with the committment part, i think.