h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I will have to get her to explain it to me a bit better, but basically it had to do with psychological ("letting someone in...physically) stuff and physical (endorphins and the like) stuff...which is why it works for girls but not for boys...I will have to scout around and see if I can find the article...

And for the boy...like all girls who go to the same pub every weekend...I met him at Comedy Festival ...

And as for the love thing. I can say I love my nearest and dearest, friends and family, all that kind of stuff...but as for "in love", well I came close to it once before (or at least thought I did), but it was more about our love for drama then our love for each other (it's a long story, I'll not go into it ).

But this one is different. He's the *best person* I know. We're similar in all the ways I thought I was different to everybody else and every other good thing I wish I could be. He's my best friend and we have similar ways of reacting to things, thinking about things and working through them.

I'm not asying it will last forever because I have no idea. All I can honestly say is that he is the only man who has ever been worthy of my affections, and the only man whose affections I will never be worthy of...

I am so happy for you. I do hope you continue to appreciate it for many years to come.

And as for the article... I'm not so convinced of why it would happen for only girls and not for boys, but everyone's entitled to their opinion.

Tra la... Keep us posted as to how it goes in the future, eh?

Will do

Hmm.

I'm not sure I agree with that one. Sex is mean to be an expression of live. 'Casual sex' seems to be more of an exporession of lust than anything else. Love it seems is something more than just mere desires or wants. It seems to be based on more of a connection of wills rather than a physical or mental attraction. I guess that one might fall 'more' in love with someone through sex. But I doubt that you could start off a spark of love just through sex.

Well that’s just the thing…when it’s just casual sex everyone’s knows the rules…when a one-night thing becomes a weekend-thing, you end up feeling closer to someone…maybe because they don’t just see you after their 6 hour drinking spree, but the day after as well...and once you get into double digits time-wise, there’s always talking and eating and it becomes a little more than two-dimensional…does that make sense?

I don’t know how much truth is in it myself, but that’s what the article she read said…

Hmm, well I'd certainly agree there is a possibility that a click can occur like that. But I would hardly say it was because of the sex, but rather that the sex was just a contributing factor.

Or it could just be because those weekend things are the only way you'd have a stranger in your house for the weekend...

Oh yeah... sounds fun.

In hindsight it doesn't sound as good an idea as it did at the time...

Sounds like some of the parties I have been to. But then they're my mates... I just think im in a crowd of strangers.

I had one mate who used to drag me around to everyone's place when we were both single...I'm not a people person by trade but she definitely is...

I'd like to congratulate myself on reaching the edge of this thread, although it was a thoroughly rewarding read.

Anduril I thought your earlier post was superbly put and seems to be rock solid.
Tanzen, your persistent input is much appreciated and has also been inspiring.

I wonder if anyone here can help me rationalise the scenario of meeting someone and falling in love, becoming emotionally committed, and then they figure out it's not love after all.

Does it cease to be love because they figured it out, or was it never really love in the first place?

If not, then two other people who fall in love, live their lives together and die, is their love more true or did they just not figure it out?

No matter how sure you are that it's real, it's still conceivable that the other person will admit that they were wrong and tell you it's not real after all. In that case whether you stand by your feelings or concede, you will look rather foolish.

So love makes fools of us all?

I disagree with the emptiness of the original post, but I think there is still a case to be answered. (Though if I had the chance I would probably dive headlong into a similar disaster if it had the hallmarks of what I know love is and what I think that love can be.)

I welcome your thoughts.

Neil

Yeah, I've experienced something like that. It seems that what we think and what we are are two very different positions. The identity problem is not the only problem with the mind-body arguments. It seems that in emotion we must add in heart and soul as well.

It seems to me that our body is affected by our mind. You cannot act out of an intellectual idea, it must be ingraned in your heart. Therefore, body is dependant on the mind, and affected by the heart. It is said that in sex there is a binding of souls. The nature of casual sex is a worrying trend with people leaving attachments all over the place that they never take responsibility for. If sex is the ultimate expression of love, as it is meant to be, then love must come from the soul. But where does this leave us?

We can experience love in our heads. This is what happens when we think we are in love. It takes time to have that love ingraned in the heart, and this is when loves is expressed through action naturally, and not because of the sense of 'obligation'. The heart and the soul are interbound so tightly it is almost impossible to distinguish them, but love from this place seems to come from being, at which point agape can be presented. I would consider love from the body to be entirely animal instingt. It would seem that we long for love from the soul, but most never get further than the mind.

I agree with Anduril. *small applause*

You should also keep in mind that people are capable of self-deulsion for the present and for the past... In the present, you can convince yourself mentally of the idea that you love someone, which is probably false love. That doesn't mean that people are incapable of real love. While looking back on the past, afterall, you can also just label something that was authentic as false because you are no longer stared in the face by the reality of the situation. It is a difficult balance, and is especially hard to remember truely the past without distorting it from motives in the present. I know not your experiences, but I know from mine that you must take the moment that you think you are in love very seriously, and ask your deepest heart of hearts whether or not it's true.

I would agree. Though I would say the most dangerous time is the present in considering love. The love from the mind is inherant in the moment. One may search for the 'perfect moment' as was the longing of Sartre's fictional character Roquentin. However, one must take life as it comes, and though certain situations cultivate love, many delapidate it.

One may be blinded by romantic notions of a storylike fantasy. There are many who live their life like its been wrtten in a story; each situation more interesting than the next. However, generally all this brings is a misguided fantasy, and the reality of the situation is clouded in falsity. I feel that this is where a strained reltionship can come from. When we are bereft of reality, we seek to fill this whole with wahtever we can in our own minds, in the desire to understand our lives. The sadness is that many do this without realising and fall deeper and deeper into their own dreams.

In light of that perhaps I could elaborate the scenario: A love originating from asthetics and a build up of personal interactions... leading to adoration in the mind... deepening over time in the physical aspect, and (either consequently or independently) deepening a great deal over time in the spiritual aspect...

Then eventually these things which were once mutually certain are called into question and cannot be confirmed, at least not mutually. The romance has to be abandoned because it seems to have ceased to exist. The mystery is where did it go? The love has somehow leaked away. Or could the processes under which it developed somehow have worked in reverse?

Or where the physical and/or spiritual counterparts actually only extensions of the mental part, which itself may have been more imaginary than we realised? Perhaps they were all real, but not quite real enough, or not totally real in the mutual sense. Perhaps it's because we fill in the gaps with what we think. If we decide in all honesty we are in love, does it mean that we are? I don't know.

Neil

I think the main problem is that people hold on to faded dreams, when they fail to see reality properly. Because we want to be in control we do not accept change, wanting things to be how they were at the beginning. What I think that I myself need to realise is that things change, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. It is just different.

Ironically, we must first realise we are not in control of the wolrd that we can overcome it. In realising that we cnnot make everything to our liking, we are no longer bound to the trials of the world itself. In this way, we regain our sense of freedom by reverting back to our own ego. No longer bound by the phenomenal world.

In applying this to relationships, I feel one needs to let come what come. In this way, thing will never be strained because people wont be trying to apply stolen dreams to thier mixed up lives. Perhaps this is the way one can make it through the 'honeymoon period' of a three month old relationship. In no longer reverting to the same old thing one may not get bored, and thus will be able to sustain a relationship productively.

Yeah. If only we could all do what you just said... might help.

Even I cannot do it. Alas the fact that relationships arebased on the differing opinions of two people...

It's a good start then if you know in the early stages what some of the differences are. Rather than being fooled into thinking you agree on everything. When you can't find a proper difference of opinion to deal with it makes it difficult when inevitably one crops up unexpectedly.