h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ladies and gentlemen, protect yourselves. Do no believe the filth that is spread by playwrites and pop musicians and other purveyors of popular romantic culture. The love they sell is an ideal. It is an instance of a "should", the dirtiest lie ever propogated in the history of the human race. Do not let yourselves fall into this trap.

The love you feel is just that and nothing more. A feeling. Whatever scientific or religious or spiritual explanation you choose to give, love is not a cosmic bond, but a personal disposition. It is the willingness of one person to accept another unconditionally for who they are. It is wonderful when shared. It is noble when given freely. But that is all. The love they speak of in songs and stories, serves no purpose but to make hosts of foolish young romantics more miserable than any earthly torture. It serves only to breed hope, expectation and need, three things more dangerous and hurtful than any of the more populary known of love's side effects (such as greed and jealousy).

DO NOT BE FOOLED!

Thank you for your time.

P.S. My cynical attitude is most certainly NOT the result of my recent, long, drawn out and painful series of romantic misunderstandings and mishaps. I would *never* let my research become biased by personal feelings.

P.P.S. You would also do well to remember: "There's more pretty girls than one."

P.P.P.S. While I'm on a rant, please note the following facts that I have uncovered during my years in the field:
1) Women are insane.
2) Women don't know what they want, and when they find what they want, they want something different.
3) Women love violent, misogynistic assholes and hate all good, smart, respectful men. Even the good, smart, respectable women. Especially the good, smart, respectable women.

P.P.P.P.S. Not that the preceding may very well be true of men, but I have not, so far, been able to confirm this. However, if my research on this matter continues as it has been, I may decide to pursue that question in more detail.

P.P.P.P.P.S. In the immortal words of the wise and noble F.Z., "Broken hearts are for assholes".

It seems to me that you are a very young man and that you need to do a great deal more research. Keep up your current pace and you will be well on your way to misogyny. Women are a lot easier to figure out than you realize. You just need to keep your head clear of your arse.

Don't you worry about little ol' me.

I'm merely rebelling against pop-culture notions of what love is or should be.

Also note that much of the angst was added for humour and/or venting of personal frustration and was meant to be taken as such. Perhaps in the future I should refrain from all forms of irony not carefully highlighted by smiley faces or other e-jargon.

It also may be worthwhile to say (this is for dissilusioned young romantics) that although it may seem that most guys won't give respect and most girls don't want respect, there are a few members of either gender/sex who are willing to give and recieve as much respect as you dish out and/or handle. Just keep looking. And don't be afraid to f**k up/around along the way.

Seems to me that love tends to revolve more and more around material things . . . ya know - the usual money, belongings, sex et al instead of being about caring for each other and being there for each other. So I think the ideal romantic love is a dying beast. Shame, really, I'm sure there's a few old romantics about!!

I read your peom story what ever it was and ur ps's too!!
Well you are wrong hun very wrong.
Not all woman are the same we are all different like men.
They say that men quiet often are frightened of commitment in lost cases this is true...but not all.
I do know what I want getting it is something else.
I have met a kind gentle man who is very sweet sexy and caring.Neither of us are into any kind of violence and are not argumental either.He is everything I could want in a man.
So please don't label us,I don't label you

Dear Agnes Microbe, or whatever the hell,
You say women are "a lot easier to figure out than [men] realise". Could you kindly just put us out of our misery and explain yourselves, please?
Marvin the Borderline Psychotic Android

ahhh, viva la difference! marvin, asking a woman to explain womanhood is like asking a killer to kill you. use your head, man! the one with the BIG brain, not the little brain-- and therein lies the rub, eh matey? women only have one, we have two-- this would lead us to believe we are twice as smart. unfortunately, man's little brain frequently rules the roost, and even with the help of the bigger brain, their combined strength is instantly dissipated by the merest whiff of a woman. would that 'twere different but 'tain't.
men are from earth, women are from earth-- deal with it.

I'm not at the mercy of my testicles, if that's what you mean.

I have just read ur reply to someone message all I can say......you don't know woman at all!!!
I hope one day you will feel different but if not it's your loss

just quickly read you conversation!!!
I don't know all this bitterness ignorence too!!!
that's all I can say on that!!!
We all get hurt I know I have had more than my share of heartache but at least i am not bitter and I don't judge men either.I suggest you do the same and get over what ever happened to you and move on!!!

Just read your conversation
yeah there will always be romantic's I am one.
To me when you love someone and have met ur soul mate and you want to spend the rest of ur days with them materials things don't count as long as you have love and you are true to each other.
Oh it helps it makes life easier but not the most important thing.I would rather have true love than be rich.Money cannot buy happiness

Who the hell want's to know about women. If you know how to win the game is no fun. The entire point is the challenge of learning how not to make an ass out of yourself. You learn by doing.

I don't look at it as a game. But then I don't look at women as chesspieces!

when I read what you had written it made me sad that you say woman are like that...
thats all I have to say.
We all get hurt I know I have been......

ur reply did make me smile can't think of a proper witty reply at the mo but when I do I will LOL

Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that women are a game to be played whenever (is that one word or two?) we take a fancy. I say that love is a game. Then again I say that most every aspect of life is a game. Just the way my brain works I guess. But back on love as a game. Like all games it takes practice to know what your doing and just when you think you've got it down pat there will be somebody around to show you that you have no idea what you're doing.
There are always winners and losers and chances are you will experience both of these.
Some take it quite seriously while others are more aloof toward it. Nothing wrong with either of these. It takes different strokes to move the world.
Oh, on an entirely different subject: Some of my friends and I were discussing this on-coming war with Iraq. I think the war should be Poker. One hand, five card draw, no wilds. Other folks insist on Paper, Rock, Scissors. I'd like to get as many opinions on this as I can. Thanks.

Life is not a rehearsal, but I agree with you up to a point.
Just check out this link:-
http://www.itaa-net.org/ta/keyideas.htm
Android

Sorry Marvin Darling,

I've been out of this conversation for awhile.
And I apologise for grouping all women in a generalization.
I've done the very thing I hate: Stereotyping human beings...

Love for me really is an elusive concept...
It has nothing to do with sex.
It has nothing to do with feelings.
It has nothing to do with materialism.
It has nothing to do with who or what you are.
It just is, and for me I know when I am near it.
That, anyway, has been my experience.

I have sought this beast called love for
many years and have many scars to show for it.
Physical, mental, and emotional.
Does that make me an expert? Not at all.
Just a veteran, nothing more...

Ciao Darlings...