h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What do you call a woman with one leg? Peg!

Oh, dear, Amy... Being made of paper does have its disadvantages.

Well, I can help you out, Buccaneer, but I'll have to step on your toes.

[Lentilla carefully hops onto the square where Buccaneer is standing, trying not to land too heavily. There's a muffled groan from Buccaneer as his toes are compressed inside the heavy pirate boot he has on. With her recently purloined penknife, she cuts the rope and retrieves the peg leg.]

Here ye go, laddie. Sorry to scare ye - I mean you!

*unrolls a bit, sees that it's now safe, and gets up*

Well, to be fair, a blast of flame to the middle isn't exactly healthy for flesh folk either, is it?

Should we be marking the already triggered traps, so we know where it's (relatively) safer to step?

*After a third turn on the karoake machine, Affy is thrown out of the bar. He looks back at the door as it slams and shouts something unintelligible in Klingon at it (unintelligible mostly because Affy can't actuall speak Klingon.)

He turns to go, but spots Peet not too far from where he stands*

Ah! There you are. Where's everyone else?

I'm not certain; I heard faint voices over there (* points *) but I hadn't made it over to investigate yet.

* Where Peet pointed there is a small, two-foot square brick "chimney" sticking up about a foot from the heather about twenty feet behind the pub. A brief flash eminates from the top, such as that of a distant flame, illuminating a cloud of midges briefly. The sound of distant conversation follows. *

[While Lentilla was busy retrieving Buccaneer's leg, the crypt door has closed again, the consarned thing.]

Well, curses. I suppose I should have propped that thing open.

[Distant chatter drifts into the room, coming from what looks like a small dark hole far above.]

Oy! Some help down here would be wonderful!

*having closed court for the day and disrobed in his chambers, the judge is thinking of nothing in particular as he wanders down a dark alley toward the pub. He absent-mindedly fingers the amulet on his watch fob*

*a small mist coagulates near his ear*
Not now, Grenville. No, wait.

*He hears strange voices. It's a small village and he prides himself on knowing everyone, even (thanks to a network of informers) passers-through. But these voices are extremely strange*

*drawing his sword he flattens himself against the wall and creeps forward*

CLANG!

*someone has placed a chamber pot beside their back door*

itty

*a sniggering laugh is emitted by the mist*

*Looks at the tiny chimney-like structure and sighs*

I can't climb down that. If I type "D" then I'll be told point blank that "Only Santa Claus climbs down chimneys."

> I am Santa Claus.

I'm sorry. I don't recognize that sentence.



Well, I guess the only thing for it is to try the trap door, and see where it goes. Anybody game?

I say! Who goes there?

*discreetly uses some matted oak leaves to clean off his leg*

What are you doing around that trap door? That's private property. It's dangerous. It can't possibly be legal.

CONTINUITY ALERT!

The Judge it up top, where there's a small chimney.

Lentilla is down below, where there's a trap door.

Thank you.
Can it be the case that I overheard Lentilla speaking of the trap door?

If you can come up with a convincing explaination for how you managet to get to the chimney before we did with a potty on your foot, then I'm cool with that!

The acoustic properties of small, dark smoky chimneys are well known.

*eyes chimney*

Y'know, I think if someone tossed me up a bit, I could make it where the bricks start and try climbing...


I still haven't decided--are mufflewhumps a violation of continuity? They *are* a bit of a deus ex machina... If not, maybe someone outside can stumble across the basket I stashed by the back door before I jumped in Lentilla's pocket

They are your inventory: you declared them at the outset, so they're legal imo.

I could always, you know, throw my various sharp, pointy objects down. They might be useful to the folks down there in climbing up....

Nah, who am I kidding. I just want to throw sharp objects around. Whee!

Testing 1, 2, 3. It won't let me post the message I want to post, so I'm trying this, to see if it is something to do with the message itself.

Okay, it's something in the message. I've already tried retyping it. Now I'll try taking out any smileys.

That didn't do it. Maybe I'll try posting it in bits. Here's the first bit:


*Buccaneer takes the peg leg from Lentilla.*

Thank ye, ma'am. Now I likes a practical joke as much as any man, but this takes pulling me leg a little too far.

*Buccaneer straps on the leg.*

second bit:

Arrrr, that's better. Now I thinks we'd better throw out our anchors and stay where we's at. There's no tellin what....

*Buccaneer is distracted by something shiny held by one of the corpses.*

Arrrr, I's just gonna see what that things a-holdin.