h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well?

Lovely discussion,how about:-
spanking the monkey
bashing the bishop
walking the dog.
there must be more,i'll be back.

The priests who caught his penis in the bell rope yesterday was tolled off by the verger.

Flogging the bishop
Stabbing the cat
Taking Captain Picard to light speed
Oiling the pogo stick
Wrist aerobics
Shaking hands with the governor
A menage a un
Giving oneself a "low five"
Choking the chicken

Our students union has just had a competition to name the new Top Banana Monkey - the winner, with the most votes by far - Spank!

They go on sale on monday... I can see the advertisements now... "Spank the Monkey - £5!"

I like "choking the chicken" and "flogging the dolphin" myself... Though there are ones about generals and soldiers that I can't remember but like as well... Anybody seen Varsity Blues? Where the Dawson's Creek kid went over all the different names for wacking off?

Seen in a student rag-mag, "I thought wanking was a town in China until I discovered Sm****ff (censored because I think that's a Trade Mark).

On a more serious note, I've read that the incidence of prostate cancer is inversely proprtional to the frequency of ejaculation. Hence, in contrast to old-fashioned opinion, 'whacking off' is probably a very healthy pursuit.

P.S. Variation on Post 163..
Did you hear the one about the 'queer' choir boys?.....



...... the vicar tolled them off!

I know this may be a bit late and all but I hope you enjoy these items of endearment: Ruffing up the suspect, Choking the chicken, Getting some freshly squeezed juice,(always prefered to frozen) A visit to Rosy Palm and her five daughters. If I come across any more, I'll let you know.
Ciao!

"If I come across any more, I'll let you know". - Did you choose that particular phrase on purpose?

Sadly, no...My mind has a will of its own and will often do things like make a bad pun (are there any good ones?) and leave me there to take the heat for it.
Great home page, by the way.

Don't worry, I live for accidental double entendres. I usually get one in wherever I can.

Thanks! Not only for the compliment on my homepage, but for reminding me that I've not updated it in years...

Oh, there are surely a few more? The five-knuckle-shuffle, spanking the monkey, rub-a-dub-dub, one off the wrist, knocking one out (or knocking one off), shaking hands with (ones) best friend, walking the plank (rhyming slang) likewise a twiddle and twank and a merchant bank, (he's gone for a merchant, I come home and I only caught him off for a merchant). Royal Naval acquaintances called it a Frappe, which I thought was a bit posh.

choking the chicken, cuffing the puppy, whacking the weasel, beating the meat, tugging the tubesock, raising the periscope, pocket pool, not-thinking, buffing it, wax on whacks off, but my personal favorite is: slapping the german army officer behind the helmet; not that I've actually done any of these, of course.

Another one for female self-love:

"Shaking hands with the bearded clam"

Hmm. Sounds a bit 'bull in a china shop' ish.

Perhaps 'tickling the bearded clam' (some finesses is required in this quarter)

... but personally I prefer piercing it.

how about stroaking the salami

Throwing it over your thumb



No, don't laugh it's childish!

Caber tossing for Imps 1.0.1.