h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i touch myself by the devinyls or
fingers of love by crowed house
are about masterbation

Another for female masturbation is "gusset typing", one I'm quite fond of.

As for male masurbation, god, i have more euphemisms than I care to think about. To avoid having to type for hours, i'll just expand on the 'Wookie' one earlier (although I usually 'tame' the wookie) there are loads of Star Wars ones like 'doing the Hand Solo' 'dabbling with your dark side' 'having a lighsaber battle with the Pink darth Vader'... Need I go on!?

and not forgetting...

Taking Picard to Warp speed
Glazing a knuckle
and
Slamming the lamb

'Charming the wookie' REALLY amuses me, as me and my boyfriend call each other 'wookie' as a pet name, and he's somewhat obsessed with the idea of me 'flicking the bean' (that really is a weird one)!! Oh dear me, the irony. I don't know why people are so funny about masturbation either in males or females, everyobdy does it, the rest are liars!!
~ Red Petunia

"Greasing the Jeffrey's tube" ?

TM.

"Going to Trans-Warp" ?
"Doing a Seven of Nine" ?

Oh dear....endless lists indeed...

TM.

T.M.

You're making them up as you go along.

One could argue that only sad treckers would use those euphormisms and we all know what a sad bunch of W**kers they are!!

On second thoughts....

7 of 9 7 of 9 7 of 9 7 of 9 7 of 9 7 of 9 7 of 9 7 of 9

Sounds like you're awarding yourself marks! A pretty consistent performance, admittedly, but with that much practice you ought to be aiming for the full nine anytime soon Try thinking of Jeri Ryan...

Has anyone else noticed that an lot of these euphenisms are science fiction related? - "charming the wookie", "taking picard to warp speed", etc. Pehaps this suggests something about people who follow science fiction and their limited social interactions? Wonder why seven of nine was introduced....a "stroke" of genius by the producers of voyager, so to speak. Anyway, I'm not one to buck the trend, so here are a couple of star wars ones that I don't think have been mentioned yet:

Tinkering with your R2-unit
Releasing the "special edition"


Stark

So StarWars-fans think of Princess Leia and StarTrek-fans think of 7 of 9 ?

TM.

Spot cleaning my carpet?

Awww...another StarTrek-reference...

TM.

Can any one think of a science fiction series that doesn't carry an obvious wanking target? I mean, DS9 has Kira and Dax, Voyager has 7 of 9, Babylon 5 has... Ivonova, and farscape.. well, one of the guys I know seems to think that blue chick is kind of sexy.

"...playing the pink oboe..."

I think Billy Connolly came up with that one.

Blake's seven had servilan and the other girlie, who's name escapes me. Space 1999 had the girls in moonbase alpha. Thunderbirds had Tin Tin and Lady Penelope but I would have to say that you don't get out much if that's what you're into!!

Can't think of any sci fi without some female interest. But isn't that supposed to keep dads watching, instead of turning over for the footie?

The blonde one?
Jenna..........

Stark - My Favourite Martian {it took me all night to think of that one......}

and I've just thought of another.....Earth - Final Conflict.

and another : Millenium.