h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

why would anyone want to spank an actual monkey?
has anyone ever tried to find the origin of that one?
what would a monkey have to do to earn a spanking?

yanking the planking

I haven't got time really to add an reply as im at work but i suppose i can crack one off quickly.

There was once a song called "turning japanes". Whenever I hear it I get the most awful image in my head.

Turning Japanese was by The Vapours.
and has also recently been covered for the film Not Another Teen Movie.
other songs about wanking

fingers of love = crowded house
i touch myself - the divinyls

Hey I have lots of euphonisms, im not sure where everyone is from being a british (I hope thats right) site and all. Here is what we say in Iowa, USA.
-Squeezing the beans and weenie
-jerkin off/ jerkin the gherkin (pickle)
-whackin' itThe term i use most often
-playing with Rosie Palmer and her 5 sisters
-Squeezing one off
-yanking the chain
-beating off

and as for oral sex we have a couple too
-slobbing the knob
-playing the skin flute
Josh
I'd appreciate any comments