h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Very few of these insults actually suggest wit to me. Did you read the guide or just look at the pictures?

Actually, I like that misplaced Mississipians insults. I hope you didn't spend too long thinking them up as that would make me lose all respect I had mustered. So do you want a battle of wits or shall I wallow in your shadow and better the rest of these papiér-maché-brained wilderbeasts.

A battle of wits is desired? Let it be done! Had any of you used your gray matter you so adamantly claim you possess, you would have seen through my calculated screen of vituperation to behold my more noble self--if I appear unarmed, it is only because those weapons that remain hidden are the most dangerous of all.

Perhaps, when I estimated your capabilities, I erred too much on the upper end of the truth. For truly, I can hardly find the words to describe my "amatuer" talents in relation to yours--my simple vocabulary has no expressions for levels that low.

Hey, all refrences to African mammals in insults are mine...

Hey, it's my good friend Vidmaster. Don't you have some semester exams to write tomorrow? I think its time for you to go to sleep...

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You know I never forget a face, but in your case I'd be glad to make an exception.

I think you're all forgetting the greatest insult of all (from Waiting for Godot)

CRITIC!

Is that your face or did your neck throw up?

I've seen rice pudding with more imagination than most of the insults here, and surely the bowls in which the rice pudding was put have more class than the fingers from which the aformentioned attempts at insults were typed. If wit is desired then I'm sure you have no need to look further than your sock-drawer, higher wit than that has would require greater intelligence to recognize than, methinks, you would be able to dream of, if dream in fact you do, when you close your eyes for the time of night, the process normally envolved in sleeping, which I cannot say you do, as the dictionary defines sleeping as a rest of the mind, of which you have not.

Greatest regards,

Caltelme

PS - http://www.guymacon.com/insult.txt is quite a good insult file. http://www.petemoss.com/spamflames/ShifmanIsAMoronSpammer.html is also a very good link to check, read through the whole thing for many examples of insults, good, bad, and ugly.
PPS - I typed that out, btw, without having to stop and think. I can do this at the computer, but have a trouble saying these things out loud. I'm going to drama class though now (yay!) So hopefully I'll get better soon at spoken insults.

Lets bring some class to this 'discussion'
"You fight like a Dairy Farmer"


Go on, you know you want to respond

How apropriate! You fight like a cow!

I'm bored. Write some more funny insults.

- Jordan

Your mother was a hamster, and you father smelt of elderberries! I unclog my nose in your general direction, you silly wipers of other peoples bottoms!

Sorry to butt in on your conversation, but if
Researcher "Click, hum"
would go back to there own page and then click on the "EDIT PAGE" button and then write a little something about your self then a ACE can come and welcome you there properly
Sorry for interrupting your conversation

Manda

*To the wife*
The best thing about you is your inlaws


manda

I don't believe I've met anyone whose genetic code would make a more interesting study.

This is my one THAT I MADE UP!!!!:

'you are an embarrasment to all carbon based life forms!'
its even funnier when the victim says 'I am not a carbon based life form' at which piont you think for a moment and then agree with them (this means that theyt are an alien not from this planet.).

also:
you fell off the stupid/ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down.

Too late - I'm now on holiday!

If time were of the essemce, you would have wasted enough to fill a Klein bottle...

- Jordan

you're right about the "insults" being tepid ... I doubt many would make it into the australian test cricket (team) sledging lexicon

could'nt see any of WSCurchills acid ripostes: the one I like best is his reply to a heckler advising if she were churchill's wife she'd poison him, to which the great man replied "and if I were your husband madam, I'd gladly take it"

also there's a vague recollection of a retort to one lady's remark on his drinking habits (she: says something like) "... you're a drunkard ..." - WSC replied with words to the effect: "you madam are no oil-painting, however, tomorow I shall wake up sober"

there's a good one about monkeys & organ-grinders: don't converse with the monkey when the organ-grinder's in the room: and one about "whenn eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"

Paul Keating (australian PM in the 90s) hav a vicous wit in parliament ... sadly examples ellude me at the minute