h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm shocked that this article is lacking an insult contest discussion, so I think it's my duty, or some approximation thereof, that I start one. So...

Your mom is so fat...No, wait, bad start. Let me try again. Something basic to get the juices flowing. Here goes...

I've known choclate-chip blueberry muffins that could write a better article than this.

If that's not making you mad yet...

My friend, you have all the charm and social grace of an intoxicated water buffalo.

It is such a waste of oxygen that you should continue brething thus. :: give me a chance to get going bozo

Tell me, was it just your Mother that hated you, or do you have this effect on all females?

I've known people who came from the shallow end of the gene pool, but you seem to have come from that little wading pool that all the little kids pee in.

If you and Mr. PacMan were to fight in a boxing match, I'm not sure whom I would bet on.

There's a wonderful book called Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit. It compiles all of the insults from Shakespeare's plays. There are a lot of them, and they are great. For example, "You are as a candle, the better part burnt out." And "Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens."

You always been that ugly, or did you have to go through cosmetic surgery?

I have that book too.

JEllenJ42, you are a fusty nut with no kernel.

You are a cad sir, and a scoundrel, there's no mistaking it.

I will not undergo this sneap without reply, though your wit's as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard.

Thou art a very ragged wart. Is thy name mouldy?

You are a fortune cookie without any fortune.

I've seen pit toilets that were less full of excrement that you.

Yuk Vidmaster, that's just gross.

Why, your mother is so fat that she runs a profitable candle factory!

A candle to light your dim wit, knave!

I thought we were going to avoid "your mom" jokes...they're not really insults, at least not good ones. We're just looking for the kind that has class. And I admit my last posting was a bit on the less classy side...

All I can think of is, "Pigs whistle when you walk by."

Here's one: "If you were a Beatle, you'd be Pete Best."

your so stupid you make your mom seem only mildly retarded