h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

His enemies always choose an unneccessarily slow method of killing him (the laser in Goldfinger, the dragging behind the boat in Moonraker, etc), and then walk off and leave him so that he can figure out a way to escape in peace.

And just before walking off, the baddie will usually have this sudden urge to tell him their plan in abosulute detail

If you notice, Bond is rarely sent to investigate a super villans plan to conquer the world. He is usually on a pedestrian espionage mission (Eg, retrieval of the solex in "The Man with the Golden Gun leads bond to find Scaramanga doing dastardly things with solar power adn teh Japanese mob. Obtaining the plans to a Submarine Spotting Satelite in "The spy who loved me" leads him to stronber (or whatever) and his plans to relocate the whole world to teh bottom of the ocean. Investigating the dissapearance of teh Moonraker in "Moonraker" allows him to discover Drax's plan to create a new master race and kill everyone else, And investigating some Jewelry smuggling that resulted in the death of an agent in Octopussy leads him to a mad soviet generals plan to invade the west. The only major exception to this rule is in From Russia with Love wehre bond goes on an espionage mission and completes it despite some intervention from SPECTRE.

Has anyone noticed how unbelievably well trained Bond is? He must have been schooled in every make and modle of every form of transportation known to man, because no matter what vehicle he climbs into (russian tank, fighter jet, speed boat, moon buggy, submarine) he handles it like an old pro. The one exception I've seen is in "You Only Live Twice", where he is recognized because he doesn't know how to board a rocket ship propperly.

How is it that after a gunfight, punctuated by explosions, that usually ends with a room/field full of dead bodies James Bond has time to have sex before the police arrive, without fear that anybody will interrupt him.

Why do the bad guys never catch him with his trousers down? And why doesn't the girl ever say "Look I've just been tortured, shot at, blown up, subject to all sorts of horrors that have only been alluded to and I've broken a nail. Now is not the time, James."

I'm actually watching Tomorrow Never Dies right now, and this is perfectly true. How come Bond can drive his new car by remote control without any practice first? Given the trouble Q has with it, this seemes even less likely. And how come the beautiful women he meets who are already married (ie Teri Hatcher alias Mrs Carver) are still able to sleep with him without any guilt? I just went past that particular sex scene.

Just face it... James Bond is THE agent. How you can fall from a plane and then catch up with another while falling to the earth is beyond me, but he manages to do it! Ow... I wish I was like him! Oh... James!

Re Teri Hatcher - she probably felt guilty just about the time that the person sent to kill her entered the room

Re getting caught with his trousers down: it almost happened once, at the beginning of You Only Live Twice, but later we find out that his death was staged for publicity. Plus, sometimes the baddie he most needs to worry about is trying to get his trousers OFF (ie Onatop from Goldeneye and that one from You Only Live Twice who wants him to admit she was the best he ever had prior to the assasination) before she kills him.

Regarding the plane - If Arthur Dent can fall faster then Fenchurch in So Long And Thanks For All The Fish then why can't Bond do it?

uh, taht can be explained. If you flail your arms (as Fenchurch would have done in fear) then you fall slowly. If you put your arms against your side and put your legs out straight you becomed stream lined and fall quicker. Important to remember when your parachute doesn't open

How long ago was it since you read that scene? Arthur delibarately fell faster than Fenchurch in contravention of the laws of gravity. But it still doesn't explain how Bond could fall faster than an aeroplane which is presumeably designed to cut through the air with little resistance, wheras people aren't designed to be falling long distances anyway, so in the event none of it makes any sense whatsoever. A bit like life, really.

Its true. Several scientists died proving that everything accelerated at the same rate. The only explanation is that bond's terminal velocity was higher than the aircrafts. If anything the 'plane should have outdistanced him as its engine was turned on and increasing its speed.

I still think it was quite a show by Mr.Bond to actually do that. I think I have to start parachuting just to see if I can do the same.
Perhaps tomorrow?

I don't remember the scene as well as I'd like to. Was the plane flying *straight* down? If it was at any sort of an angle, its wings would add wind resistance and it would slow the plane up somewhat.

It may have been at an angle but surely the fact that the engine was running (It did taxi of a cliff) would increase its speed. Asl, bond would then have to fly at an angle to catch it slowing himself down (Or my physics says so anyway, But it is my physics based on no real knowlage)

Bond doesn't have the wings to slow him down as much as the plane is... but the engine would be a bit of a problem. I don't know anything about flight, there may be something pilots do when they think they're going to crash that actually slows the descent down, but I can't imagine what! Maybe it's true, the laws of physics don't really apply to james.

That could be true. In Moonraker, when gravity fails on the station people start floating up before landing down again in slow motion.

probably it wasn't in their special effects budget to keep the characters suspended in midair for any real length of time. How did they go about that back in the moonraker days, anyhow?

Well, they arrived at an unrealistic space station in a standard space shuttle. The problem is that newton, a great bloke, states that objects taht are in motion remain so when ther eis no gravaty. they coudl have stayed where they are and be realistic. Gravaty, (and hence cheapness) was only restored when troops were on board for a laser gun fight.