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Why James Bond is Lucky

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Also known as 007, the fictional Ian Fleming character James Bond is quite possibly the world's luckiest secret agent, for the following reasons:

  • He gets to play with a lot of the latest technology that his colleague, mysteriously named Q, has come up with.

  • He's always got a new car. When the car is no longer new, it explodes1, so he can get a new one.

  • He has a special edition Walther PPK handgun, cleverly modified so that whenever it fires a bullet it hits someone.

  • His body appears to have some kind of repelling forcefield which protects it and causes any projectile to careen away from him. For example, if a knife is thrown at him, it will always end up sticking out of a wardrobe2 against which Bond is leaning, about an inch to the left of one of his ears. In rare cases, a bullet will evade this field and cause an unsightly flesh wound.

  • Whenever such a flesh wound occurs, Bond always has a beautiful woman on hand to repair the insignificant damage.

  • Following this brief patch job, Bond invariably has sex with the beautiful woman, at which point Q almost invariably walks in.

  • Bond has not aged a day in the past 40 years, but he has had five different accents and faces.

If you are unfortunate enough to see Mr Bond on the street, you are well advised to get as far away as possible. Otherwise, you might be hit by a bullet that was repelled by Bond, and there is unlikely to be a beautiful woman on hand to come to your aid or have sex with you.

1 Often killing several communists/enemy agents/terrorists.2Or some other object made of wood.

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