h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The relief and joy I'm feeling about my new job is dented today.

You may recall a dear friend of mine in Scotland had a brain tumour last year, which was located in his brain-stem. Whilst the op removed it all, it left him with paralysis of his throat - no swallowing and very little speech left.

He was a man with a great love of food, wine and companionable story-telling, laughter and great enthusiasm for life in all its glory.

Since the op he has been unable to eat and is fed via a tube directly into his stomach. He has a trachyotomy and a constant suction pump to prevent saliva filling his lungs. He's been in and out of ICU with pneumonia and other complications. There is no chance that the paralysis will be reversed, so the rest of his life is one without food, drink, story-telling and laughter.

Yesterday - just over a year after the operation - he tried to kill himself with an overdose.

I knew he has wanted to do this for several months. His wife must have realised, but he hadn't told her outright: her religious belief means that she considers suicide to be a sin that cannot be contemplated.

I am devastated that it didn't work. My view is that it is his life - and at this stage in it, he should have the right of choice. Were he a dog or a horse, he would have been humanely killed. For some mad reason we show less humanity to fellow human beings

I'm quite sure that some of you reading this will hold quite different points of view.

For now, I grieve for my dear friend who cannot live the life he desires and cannot end it at the time he choses.

Fb

Quality versus Quantity...

Where's the argument?

Yup - dead right Matt. No argument that I can make any sense of.

Like you, Fb, I see nothing wrong with a person taking the option to stop existing at a time of his or her own choosing, on his or her own terms. There's tremendous bravery and courage in a decision like that.

Although I do find it sad when a person decides to go, I honestly believe that the decision is to be respected. In this case I applaud your friend's courage. There's not much else I can say...

Thank you Ivan

fb

I sympathise with your friend.

Thanks G
It's good to know that there are others who feel the same - or who at least can sympathise without condemning his actions. I find my friend's wife's attitude quite hard to deal with - and consequently I am having trouble knowing what to say to her.

I am very to hear about your friend. It must be horrible living like that, and I can understand why he decided to do that.

Nigel

Frenchbean,
This is going to sound 'preachy', yet it must out. Help your friend's wife understand there is only one (1) unforgivable sin: turning your back on God and selling out to the adversary, Satan. If you want scripture references, I can dig those up for you. If this isn't an appropriate venue for this info, text me.

It may be difficult to persuade his wife otherwise, but it seems you would be willing to try. It's good, for his sake, that you'd be willing to open up a dialog with his wife, so their would be no recriminations for either of them if he decided to try again.

Granted, any death is a loss. We are precious (costly, dear, unreplaceable) in God's eyes, and in the lives of those we love. It does seem, however, that your friend's quality of life is so severely hampered he doesn't want to go on. I'm certain if there were some hope of recovery, he'd cling to the thought with all his might, and continue to seek out doctors who could bring about a cure. If this is not even a remote possibility, his hope may be completely gone. That is something he needs to honestly and openly discuss with his wife.

Euthanasia has never been a favorite idea of mine, because some people would twist its use to serve their own needs to get at inheritances or family assets. This practice, if misused by the State, could keep powerful people in power. It should be scrutinized and thought through in all its details before agreeing to it.

From the description of your friend, his life ran on exuberance and conviviality. Now that he is no longer able to partake fully in such basic human activity, his lifestyle is severely limited. Is there no way to reason with him to hang on for a substantive change in circumstance? Has he made up his mind to let go and leave this mortal plane behind? Can his wife empathize with his predicament? Can she let go of the man she loves, quietly acknowledging his preference? Will his extended family understand the depth of his desire to shed this travesty of simply keeping up life-signs, as opposed to truly living? Will the doctors authorize such a move?

So much to think about... Can you juggle this and the move to NZ adequately? Will events in that part of the world run their course, even without your input? Will worrying over the situation change anything?

Do consider all the ramifications.
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B4imuddythewatersofthisthread&causeevenmorecomplications

Fb,

I am with you on this one. If he has difficulty speaking, is he able to write? If he could get his thoughts and feelings on paper it might be a good idea. The old view that suicide is a sin is to me wicked, depending on the circumstances. He is clearly still of sound mind and knows what the future holds for him (and his wife) and it would be good if he could make that known. To be 'labelled' as having done it while of unsound mind would be a dreadful injustice to an intelligent man who clearly liked living life to the full.

How is it that you have known he wanted to do this for months? Was he able to tell you, or did you just know instinctively?

Perhaps it is losing him that his wife can't face, since as you say, she must know.

My thoughts are with you, and your friends. It is a terrible dilemma.

Websailor

Gosh. I am sorry for your friend. I would hope my family would be more supportive of my desires. A friend of mine supported his mother when she made the decision to end her life after her quality of life deteriorated due to a degenerative disease (having seen her husband die of something similar) and he made me aware of http://www.dignityindying.org.uk/
Sorry for you too

Thanks all

I'm not going to enter too much into the fray with my friend and his wife. I believe it is their (primarily his) decision to work through. All I intend to do is to support both of them as much as I can - be a shoulder if and when they want one. There's only so much use I can be from the other side of the world.

He has sent me some very sad and desperate emails over the last few months, Websailor. Then one which talked about life being unbearable in quite candid terms, which didn't leave much room for misinterpretation. So I've been waiting for some time for this news.

Knowing him as I do, he will not change his mind. He will still want to die. I'm not even entering into that debate with him: if that's his wish I think it should be honoured.

Knowing his wife as I do, she will feel she's 'failed' if he takes his life - quite apart from her opposition on religious grounds. Like many women she sets herself impossible standards sometimes. Perhaps this event will help her reassess her postition.

I shall be writing to him later today.. one of the harder letters of my life.

This posting is getting perilously close to a rant about the nonsense of religion, so I shall desist and keep my counsel: I don't want to get into a debate about belief.

Fb

Pimms That's a wonderful website. Thank you. I'm sure he knows about it, but just in case he doesn't, I've forwarded him the link.

Fb

You, and your friends are in our thoughts. I also feel it is something we should all think about - after all similar things could happen any of us. If there are conflicting beliefs and feelings in a family it needs talking about.

Fb, have you kept his emails? They might help people, and you, after the event to know that it is truly what he wants. As he is obviously lucid, he couldn't be accused of being unbalanced.

Incidentally my Dad asked me indirectly to help him to go, which of course I couldn't for a variety of reasons.

Take care my friend,

Websailor

This is one of those minefield issues where people hold strong opinions. Your friend's quality of life is clearly unbearable for him. I believe we have the right to control our bodies and should be allowed to make a decision to end our own life. Period. I also think it is selfish and morally reprehensible to force a painful, dependent exsistence on someone because "we" can't stand to let them go.

What really frosts me is the argument that to discontinue life support is playing god. I've heard that so often. To me, it is exactly the opposite. Without man-made medical interventions people with no hope of recovery would die a "natural" death. Letting a person die naturally is not playing god. Forcing them to remain alive is.

Just my

I couldn't agree more, Hyp.

That's an excellent Hyp. Thank you. You have summed up my rambling thoughts on the topic perfectly.

No wonder you're the Prez

Yes, I still have the emails, Websailor. But I shan't share them unless my friend expressly requests it, so whilst they may help me, they won't be available to others. I don't think that I should break his confidence whatever happens


Fb

I believe in euthanasia

I exist(better finances and I'll have a life),so it's better than nowt.

But to breathe and NOT exist, if that happens to me - please take me out!

apologies for my moan/

What a difficult situation. Staying fairly out of it may be the best course, fb.

I wonder if you might ask him how he feels about your sharing the emails in the event that you think it might help someone to come to terms with his feelings. He might agree, and if not, you can still keep them private. It must be a comfort for him to be able to confide these things in you, especially since he can't talk to his wife about it. It must be hard for you to hear, though.

No apologies necessary Prof. I think a lot of us are of the same mind. If a sick person chooses that way, that's fine by me, but as already expressed by others, I still have reservations about euthanasia as such, especially if there are material gains to be had.

I feel there should be the means available for such a person to gain a dignified end with as little misery caused to loved ones as possible. Some s will help but they take huge risks in doing so.


Websailor