h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I, I, well, I mean, I do want the schools & such to do well. Couldn't I just go 'round to everything I support & hand them some cash?
I'm pretty good about donations & the like.
People freak out when I donate a huge gob of dead presidents.
So, why do *I* have to pay taxes.

Because you're still alive. It's the rule. If you're alive, you have to pay taxes. If you're dead, you only have to pay taxes for the first year.

Have you considered registering the Born Again Tarts with the state? Then you could avoid property taxes. You could become an online evangelist and collect donations which would also be tax free. Then the speaking engagements and book contracts would roll in and before long you would be a household name. In time though, you'd probably be kidnapped and held for ransome and the BATs would have to sell off some of the property to get you released. So be careful where you bury the bodies.

There is a league or some such of Born Again Tarts? Can I join? I've got to pay a large cheque to Her Majesty's Inland Revenue by the end of the month.

I was thinking that one of paying it was putting a red bulb in the porch light

The trouble with taxes is that people are about equally averse to paying them, therefore some do-gooder is not likely to step in and say, "Hey, I'll pay your taxes for you, Pandora! I *love* paying taxes! "

Sorry, that's just how the world is. If this taxes your patience, I hope you'll remember my generous donation to the Born Again Tarts last year.

P.S. Why are they *born again* tarts? Why not just ordinary, run-of-the-mill, only-born-once tarts? I am genuinely puzzled.

Aha, if I am not wrong, that recognizes that they may not have been tarts all their lives, but this recognizes their awakening into a stage of tartiness. Hence they are born again into tartiness.

Is "tartiness" different from "tartness?"

(I suppose my query will be greeted with a tart answer )

Actually it is different. Tartness is an adjective and normally refers to fruits. Or wines, in which case tartness becomes dryness - or would that be dryosity? Tartiness or tartliness of course can be a noun, as in Her Royal Tartiness Pandora of Ohio and an adverb when describing tartly behavior.

Yeah, what she said.

Actually I have thought about regestering my Church.
One meeting yearly would fill the ticket.

Born Again Paul H is just a, well, I never quiet understood the identity of a Born Again Christion. Wanting to be a confuse-a-lating as my imagination will permit, I added the b.a.t. to my moniker. Also the b.a.t. fits in so, er, nicely.

As soon as I understand how to do graffics on my new iMAC I'm going to make phamplets.
My friend, R decorated her house for Halloween & a Church group sent over a tape about Christions for her to watch. She, in turn gathered some stuff about witchcraft (as a religious right) & sent it to them along with the thank you note for the tape!

I think it MAY have something to do with the company she's been keeping.

Oh, ANYone may join the Tarts! We adore new members & you'll even get your 2004 Tart badge!

Nalurally, all donations are gladly accepted.

But what about my taxes????? My CPA always makes me meet him at a bar or for dinner someplace miles from here.
'Course I what I save in payment oughtta' be figured into the tax amount.

I always thought there was something wrong with having to pay taxes at 16 but not being able to vote until 18 or drink until 21.

From the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, 1sr edition:

-ness, a native English suffix attached to adjectives and participles, forming abstract nouns denoting quality and state.

Tartness is therefore a noun. I don't know what tartliness would be, because it's not in the dictionary.

Of course, when tart is used as a noun, you would not add -ness to it anyway.

Tartness would be how sweet or sour something is.

Tartiness how would be how much someone looks like a Tart. White stilettos would indicate (in the UK) that someone is quite tarty, especially when worn with animal print lycra leggings. Sadly I don't possess either.

And a short skirt, leather jacket, low top, and obscenely bright lipstick.

I do have the bright red lipstick

It's a start.

Who would have thought there were unabridged Tarts?

Pandora, does the 2004 bat badge have bare breasts? I've always wanted one of those. But not Bear's breasts.

Anyone can play "Tease the tarts." It's fun, it's exciting, and half the time they don't know you're doing it.

Did Lenin use red lipstick to keep his lips from falling off?
(Surely that's a 3- pun)

Yes, I was about to mention the Pun thread is located elsewhere.

...*taking note on how to dress for her trip next Summer to the UK...* Are fishnet stocking still good wear there?

Well my you certainly got a lot of replies!!.

Strange how people worry about a Name!!

I my BAT and she can say what she likes!!.

I just have to sit down and sort out my diaries and transfer dates from last year to this year and dreary things like that.

I hope you manage to get some sleep - you seem to have been busy most of the night.

Your very ing older t***.

Also ran 1

Hi Honey,

I have just posted you a note which has not yet come through. Really I am keeping some people busy!!

Do you know Hypatia? I think that someone recommended her to me when I first joined - much more than a year ago - I am into my third year of being a researcher - and she was going to teach me to have an imaginationm by recommending some books for me to read.

Interesting that there are TWO librarians on this particular thread!!. Must mean something.

As always,

Also Ran1

AR1,
Gosh but you sick up for me real good. Oooo I could come there, start Pub brawls and the like and YOU would wag your finger at the cops and they would HAVE TO set me free!

Yes, I know Hypatia! She & I er, "bend elbows" as it were at The Crossed Purposes Pub. (and that is not a mis-spelling)
We also E-mail eachother. She's very cool

...*spins around...*And I have been in love with Paul H since my dazzze back on the ship!

I think having TWO librians here means there are two libraries with dusty books & whatnots!...*is pelted with empty ale mugs...*
I rest my case.

Yes I was on the internet for HOURS. Only I was in my sitting room. Mac decided to connect itself & for two days nobody could get through. My gentalman friend 'Chris' drove all the way from the Lake to see if I was alright. Two manuals to read & only through the few pages that caught my eye.

Ooooo everybody! Guess what?!? I found how to make mac take 'spoken' commands!
I touch the 'esc' key & say, "Open file four." And wha-la...file four appears!

But I'm having trouble sending mail from my earthlink acct.!
I GET it alright & then can reply...I just don't have my addys in the newest mail box.

So, I still use the hotmail acct.

Makes no difference where you mail me. I'll get it.
Well, I mean it would STILL have to be one of my addys.

Getting an imagination by reading? Wonderful idea! I shall mail my two iMAC manuals to you post haste!

Keep well...I'd E- you if I had any news. I've been playing with mac & listening to the soundtract for my film. Santa brought me a fancy new CD/MP3 player & nice headphones.'Course there goes my hearing. I love loud music!

The tax dealine is nearly here! I'll have to be quiet a Tart to have my CPA not scold me THIS year!
No prob.

To my older t***!! & everyone else as well!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~