h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My tax is due by the 31st

I might have to sell a son!

Be careful whom you sell him to, Caerwynn! He might appreciate in value so much that you won't be able to buy him back later.

Slave trade with children! I no longer feel safe.

You could always shoot yourself in the foot so no one would consider you sellable.

Many years ago I read a SA magazine article suggesting that Governments tax SEX.
Taxpayers would be required to complete a return stipulating how many times they had sex during the year of assessment according to various categories, each single occasion subject to different rates of taxation according to the sexual activity engaged in.
The theory is that this would call the bluff of all the bachelors and other braggards who claim to be getting it on every night and would reduce the tax burden of boringly ordinary people...(like me). If you didnt pay the tax on it, you didn't get it, so there!

Pan, why not just write to the IRS and ask them to take you off their mailing list as you no longer wish to subscribe...?

I suggest:
"Tartness" describes an unpleasant acidic taste in food and drink,
"tartiness" is the scale or degree of dress depicting sexual availabilty and
"tartliness" is that delicious individual flair which makes these delightful ladies so irresistable to boringly ordinary old farts...(like me)!

What a brilliant idea of yours Wrinkled Rocker. I am sure that the tax authorities would be most impressed by a letter from Pan asking to be removed from their subscription list.!!!! And it is such a simple solution!!)

Incidentally do you have any copies of your calendar handy?

Happy New Year to you and yours.

Regards

Also Ran1

Don't worry, Roadkill, No1 son is nearly 24 and has offered to visit me in prison if I get sent down

No, Caerwynn! Stay out of prison! There are people there who won't understand you the way we do.....

Sex tax! terrible idea.

I think there should be a wisdom tax. Gurus would pay hefty taxes , and people like you and me would pay very little. President Bush wouldn't pay a cent, so I guess that's a disadvantage.

But, he's so thick he won't notice if we make him pay anyway.

Just so that you know I won't be posting at Her Majesty's pleasure (from the nick) I shall be writing the cheque tomorrow.

I shall be left with barely a sou to my name (90p to be exact) but at least HM's Inland Revenue won't be sueing me!

Which is indeed a fate worse than death.

Rumour has it that the South African Revenue Services has greatly simplified income tax returns for 2004.
Question 1: How much did you earn (from all sources)?
Instruction 1: Send us a cheque for that amount by return post!

But what if you've *already* spent all your income on silly things like rent, food, clothing, and transportation?

None of those things are deductable i'm afraid.

You might just have to do like Hotblack Desiato and be dead for tax purposes

I was going to suggest that you just send them all the food you consumed over the past year, your cancelled rent checks, all your dirty laundry and whatever records you have from your transportation costs, as well as the car itself if it needs any repairs.

Seeing as those things are all you have left from your past year's income...

L

Too late, you mentioned it now...