h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...*looks longingly at the oak stump...awaits goose egg on forehead to go away before striking head again...*

Are we running out of steam already?

I thought people would be rushing in to
share their best/worst puns with us.

Do not dispare!
The Harvest Festival has yet to begin.
The 'actual' Pun-Off will be held in a white cabana on the greens at The Village de la Vavoom.
This is just a 'warm-um-upper'.
I think SOME people are saving themselves for the actual event.

Don't just sit there! Round some Hikers up!
Sheesh ....*walks off muttering about having to do everything herself...*

to disappoint you Pan, but I've never been into Puns that much. I can do duel entendres though....



Bassman

I can pun! I need a topic or category - something to respond to.
There was a fun thread going where topics are suggested to start them off. Some times they used proper names as puns in a statement about the person. There may be a forum or club for it.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... what?...
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

LOL!!!!

Alright Stagehand!

Pun-dora~ raising pundamonium wherever she goes!

A fellow received a mouse for his birthday and he loved it so much that he never parted with it. He took this mouse everywhere, to work, to parties, to the opera... One day, a good friend of his died and so he went to pay his respects. Naturally, he took the mouse, which was perched on his shoulder.
On his way home, he suddenly realized that the mouse was gone! He retraced all his moves for the day and realised that the last place he had seen the mouse was at the funeral. He raced back across town, but it was too late. The mouse must have jumped off his shoulder while he was sitting in the hearse. He spoke to the funeral directors, but they couldn't find it: it had completely vanished.
The man was filled with grief as he remembered an old adage his mother had told him time and time again as a kid:



Never lock a gift mouse in the hearse.

The Ghandi joke was great....



Bassman

What was that strange sound?
Was it Walt Disney turning over in his grave?
Or Robert Graves getting dizzy?

I think I'm going to have to don a suit of armour to come to this thread in future....



Bassman

I don't understand why you think that's
necessary, Bassman.

Are wizened old men and pet mice a big threat
to your well-being?

Henry was an entomologist at the local university. He was to be up for a promotion this year and with the promotion would come tenure. But there was a problem.
It was not that he couldn't teach - indeed two years ago he'd been honored by the undergraduates by being named their favorite teacher - No his problem was with his research: He hadn't had asuccessful research project in several years, and in this day of "Publish or Perish", this was not a good situation.
So that day, feeling depressed, he left the University as soon as his morning lecture was over, so that he could work in his garden. This always had been effective in relieving tension in the past.But to his chagrin, he found most of his roses were dying, and on further examination found they were infested with a parasite.
But what were these insects. They appeared to belong to the order Anapleura. That was strange. Anapleura infected mammals not plants.
He examined them more closely. Small. Wingless. Definitely a species of Pediculosis, but one he had never seen before. He gathered up several specimens, and rushed to his lab, full of new vigor.He examined the insects and detail and rapidly wrote an article describing this new species of insect.
Well, I'm sure you know result. The article was immediately accepted by the American Journal of Entomology. His job was saved and he received his most coveted tenure.And he received a new major grant to study this new species.





You could say he had discovered a new lice on leaf.

Really quite good, actually.

All it needs is to get a few bugs out.

A man goes to the Doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear.
"That looks nasty," says the doctor.
"Nasty?!?" replies the man, "this is just the tip of the iceberg."

Lettuce see the rest of it, then.