h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I.E....SOMETHING THAT MAKES ONE LAUGH, GIGGLE, CHUCKLE, OR SMILE.
:::BEWARE THERE ARE MODERATORS EVERYWHERE & I'VE ALREADY RUN INTO A COUPLE WITH NO SENSE(S) OF HUMOR:::
Come on then...tell me something that will make my mouth happy just to be on my face!

I'll think of a good one for you and post it on monday (away for the weekend otherwise I'd post one tomorrow )

*waiting*

bad day. WIll try and get one for tomorrow (failing that it'll be the end of the week)

*waiting*

OK here's one to tide you over. I warn you now, it's not great.

3 guys, one Irish, one Scots and one Chinese get a job on a building site. The Foreman says to the Scotsman, "Right, you are in charge of moving that pile of sand from here over to where the cement mixer is. You will need a spade and a wheelbarrow, You can get them from the Supply shed." "Right ye are mate" says the Scotsman.
The Foreman turns to the Irishman "Ok, I want you to sweep up any mess that the Scotsman creates, you'll need a broom, and again you can get it from the Supply shed" "T'be shure, I'm yer man" says the Irishman.
The Foreman finally turns to the Chinaman and says "Ok, you are in charge of supplies and I want you to give these guys what they need. The supply shed is over there" The Chinaman bows.
The Foreman says "Ok, get to work and I'll be back in an hour to see how you are getting on" and off he walks.

An hour later he returns. The pile of sand is still sitting where it was, nothing has been moved and the Scots and the Irish men are standing around doing nothing.
"What's going on here" says the Foreman "Why haven't you done any work?" "We can't get the stuff we need to do the work" they reply.
"Where's that damn Chinaman?" to which the pile of sand suddenly erupts and up pops the Chinaman shouting...
"Suplies"

waiting

Ok, I'll find a better one then
In the mean time...
A Scotsman, an englishman & and Irishman have been stranded on a desert island and happen to be captured by a tribe of local natives. The tribal leader offers the captives an ultimatum. Death or Bum-bum. The Scotsman asks what Bum-bum is and the tribal leader indicates that it is anal sex. So the Scotsman decides that he will chose bum-bum over death because he values his life more.
The englishman admits to being gay and wuld quite like bum-bum, so the two are taken away, given Bum-bum and released.
The tribal leader turns to the Irishman and offers the utimatum to him. The Irishman chooses death over bum-bum as he doesn't want to sin in the eyes of God and wants to get into heaven. The tribal leader says "are you sure you want to chose death?"
"Yes" the Irishman replies. "Ah" the tribal leader says "Death BY Bum-bum it is then".....

*waiting*

Hmm, well I don't see anyone else trying. And I currently feel braindead after nearly 12 hours here at w**k
But I WILL try to get a funny one soon. Honest.

Promises, promises. *waiting*

But you know I would, for you!

I refuse to further enable you to waste time at work...therefore, for your own good *snicker* I shall FORCE myself to go out to the pool...and I shall offer up my flesh, to be parched by the Sun,
without regard to my own health, in order to nudge you toward your w**k. I wouldn't do THAT for JUST ANYONE ya' know?

Don't get burnt, of beautifully bronzed one
I'm off home anyway.

SAFE JOURNEY!!!

Fine, I'll go first...

Did you hear about the 'Slow witted man'? He put two bullets in his gun & put it to his head. His wife burst into gleeful laughter!!!
He turned to her with the gun still against his temple and said, "Don't laugh...the second bullet is for YOU!"

sorry was offline last week cos dad was here from oz
Good joke

A man goes into a pet shop and says 'I want to buy a wasp.' The shopkeeper looks at him in amazement and says 'We dont sell wasps.' And the man says 'Well, you've got one in the window.'

Now THAT'S what I call funny!!! Thank you Fargo!!! (are you named Fargo because of the city? I was taken there without my knowedge by NorthWest Airlines once, on my way to Montana.)

A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks the clerk for some Chapstick. The clerk asks if it will be cash or charge? The duck says, "Just put it on my bill."