h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nice duck joke, my kind of humour. I chose 'Fargo' because of a book I read, still one of my favourite books, 'Travels with Charley' by John Steinbeck. Charley is his dog. They set off in 1960 to travel around America and kind of get up to date on the state of society, and Steinbeck wrote this book about it when their travels were over. My favourite bit is when he is near Fargo, parked by the Maple River, and he meets a lone touring actor who does a Shakespeare monologue to any group of people who will listen. The book is well worth a read if you've never heard of it before.

Tank you.
I'm sort of busy writting my own books...but I'll add that one to my list. I haven't read fiction in years...I find life stories far more interesting.

Know how to make a car top?
*checks around for MODERATORSsees none*
You juss tep on da' break tupid!
*DISCLAIMER:::NO LISPERS NOR STUPID PEOPLE WERE HARMED DURING THE TELLING OF THIS JOKE*

Travels with Charley is not fiction, it's the account of a real journey he did, it lasted about 3 months I think. 1960 was a really interesting moment to do it, you read the stuff he discovers and then it keeps striking you how its all about to change when the sixties really gets going.
Here's a good one... Richard Nixon's favourite motto, 'If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.'

Funny....

I didn't know it wasn't fiction. But now that I've thought about it, I do remember seeing 'someone'(???) reading it in the past & I know I read the jacket. That's usually as far as I get. The VERY best book I've ever read is called:'Follow The River'. It too is a true story. I actually went backpacking there & was unable to follow the exact path of Mary Ingles. She had nothing, I had gear.
(I slowly, VERY slowly, am turning that book into a screen play.) I like to spend rainy days in the Village library. When it's empty. It's THE only one I've been in, & I've been in many, that allow people to speak as loudly as they like! Made college very hard. I usually drove quiet a distance to find a quiet reading spot.

Er, having had only 2 hours sleep I am unable at this time to think...let alone think of a joke.

I'll watch for it in the bookshop. I'm a bit sleepy too, its half-past midnight in England, going to bed now. Remember: 'You have to get up early to be born yesterday'

Really? Well then...whatever happened to yesterday?
Excuse me whilst I try to run backwords, quickly enough to catch yesterday!...am I there yet?

You just about made it! Sorry about delay, had a busy week and rest of my family keep hogging the computer. I got that born yesterday thing from an English comedy show, it was years ago but funny how some things just stick in your mind.

You'd probably have to fly though my brain as I'm sure it's mainly all sticky

Two television aerials got married, the wedding was nothing special, but the reception was brilliant.

(Does this work in the USA?... we say aerial, you say antenna? We say reception, you say wedding party, or wedding breakfast?)

Well...it works for me. But there just arn't alot of others I know of that would have understood the humor. (we say reception,thanks so much...)...I nearly had MY reception WAYYYYYYY in the back of my grey matter. It WAS AWFUL!!!
Do you know that when I awakened the next day...I was...I was...
MARRIED!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHH!!

Have you heard about the crooked painter? He was so cheap he thinned all his paint & told noone. A local Baptist Church put in a bid to have the place done over...since this chap had the lowest bid he got the job. So he set to erecting the trestles & planks & buying the paint...and yes, I'm afraid he thinned the paint with turpentine. Well, as Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done...the skys opened up! There was a huge clap of thunder & the rain poured down....knocking Jack to the ground & the useless paint washing off & pouring all around him.
Jack was no fool. He knew this was judgement from the Almighty! He got onto his knees & cried: God! Forgive me!!! What should I do?!?!?
And from the thunder boomed a voice...(you'll love this)















"REPAINT!! REPAINT!! AND THIN NO MORE!!"

It may help you in some small way... so here goes:

A woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.


short and sweet, ie: the opposite of me

Thanks Linus...I need that.
So, does that mean you are long & sour???

long and not so sweet

AAAAAAAHHHHHH-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! The winky
eye...the winky eye!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

I told you i wasn't sweet

Back atcha'

Geez, how'd I miss this thread???

My favorite ala the car top joke:

How do you catch a unique rabbit?











You 'nique up on him.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?















'tame way.

Did you hear of the woman leaving church services? She was crying as she was passing the pastor & he asked what the matter was? She then told him that the night before, her husband had died. The pastor was saddened & took her hand saying, "That's a shame. Did your husband have any last requests?" She looked up through reddened eyes & said, "Well
yes, he had just one." "What was that?" Asked the pastor. "He
asked me to put the gun down."

Fine, I'll tell another joke.
Did you hear about the chap who walked into a Pub & asked for a drink? The bartender told him no, he was too drunk. So the man left. A couple minutes later the same guy walks in the back way & asks for a drink. The bartender tells him agin that he's too drunk to serve. Again the man leaves. A few moments later the guy comes in through the front door again. Before he can even ask for a drink the bartender tells him to get out..."You're too drunk already!" The man scratches his head & says, "
I must be...the last two places I asked for a drink told me the same thing!"

What is the best thing about being a speed freak?

Only 3 sleeps 'till christmas