h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good one!

Have you heard of Osama Bin Gay? He's SUCH a pain!

geez. Hey, you know when you see geese flying south? And they're in a vee, but one side is longer than the other? You know why that is?
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"Cause there are more geese on that side.

I got a heap of little Johnnie jokes but they would probably be moderated out of existance, so you will have to make do with a Blonde joke instead:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,"and had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed,the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, It's a Ferrari.

*in her best Anne Robinson voice she looks over her reading glasses...turns to Cloughie & says* And was THAT to have been funny?Is THAT what happens to your sense of humor after one too many BH's? Good-Bye!

Glad I have long black hair! ...although, as I get older it seems to be turning a bit blonde.
TRICK-O-TREAT????

Don't you mean, GRAY??!!

I love the classic geese joke, sorry that you don't.

SCREW the weakest link, how lame is THAT??!!

Yes Deary...I know you're the product of the weakest link having been screwed
I just happen to be going to a party dressed as Anne Robinson...
so BITE ME!!!!! (I know, you would...but you don't know where I've been...)Happy Hollow-Weenie

ahahhahhhhhaaaaaaaa.

I'd probably still bite you anyway, or maybe just nibble...

Ok, 'nother joke, sorry it's not a hollow-weenie joke...

There was a mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole who lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

Early one morning, the papa mole stuck his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausages."

The mama mole then stuck her head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes."

The baby mole tried and tried to reach his head out of the hole but couldn't because the two bigger moles were in the way.

Becoming frustrated, the baby mole mumbled, "The only thing I can smell is molasses!"

Gotta love that one.

CHEERS!

Made me make that awful snorting sound again!

good. That makes me feel better!

Me too. Thanx!!!

What about the blonde that was pulled over by the police man?
He said, "Miss, do you know you have a headlight out?"
She said, "Oh no! Is it one in the front or the back?!?"

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher happened by. He stopped in front of the old ladies & opened
his coat! Two of the ladies had strokes...the third lady couldn't reach him.

You're just one big joke, ain't ya' Pandora?

What'sTHAT 'sposed ta' mean?

... so, you have a joke for me or what??? Fine, I'll tell you one.*ahem*
A Pastor finally got a new bell for the bell tower. He put an add in the paper & awaited as response. A man came & asked to be hired as the bell ringer...he had no arms, but the Pastor thought he'd give the porr man a chance. Up to the tower they went...and the armless man began to strike his face against the bell...the music ws beautiful....the Pastor so happy, the man was hired right away....a crowd in the courtyard formed as the music was so lovely.....a the man looked down to view the people....he fell to his death....
The Pastor came running down the staircase....and kneeled by the man's side....someone from the crowd spoke & asked what the dead man's name was.........the Pastor said, "I really have no idea what his name was, but his face rings a bell."

Where in Feth's name did you get that one, and can you give me the address!
I've gotta find one to beat that! AND IT WILL!!!

I've got one! Here it is:
A group of Astronaughts crash land on an alien planet. The find they're stuck in a strange, dark forest.
Suddenly, one of the Astronaughts starts feeling the surface the trees. He looks up and says, 'I've got it! We're on Pluto!'
A second Astronaught looks at him and says, 'How can you tell?'
And the first replies, 'From the BARK!'

...did you know the fellow you were telling that last joke about was a brother to the bell ringer that died? Yes, it's true...
The other brother & the bell ringer were twins! When the twin brother heard of his armless brother's death, he rushed to the church to take his brother's place as bell ringer. The Pastor took the brother up to the tower, explaining all the way how the other brother had died when the excited crowd began to form...by the time they reached the tower...the brother was overcome by stress and grief...he clutched at his heart and fell dead, from the tower...When the Pastor reached the dead man people had rushed out and stood by asking who was this man? The Pastor looked up into the faces of the people and said, "I never knew his name, but he is a dead ringer for his brother."

Pandora! Remind me to do something exquisitely painful to certain areas of your anatomy...

...*takes out her note pad and makes a note of Wargamer's request...*

You laughed...admit it...

ummm... no...
...
Okay so I did! So what?!