h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mine is distinctly a Filbert, thank you very much. We like to call it Bertie for short.

Ours will forever be Elvis. Bertie, eh?

Now are we talking about Classic Elvis, Vegas Elvis, or '68 Comeback Special Elvis?

Vegas Elvis, of course. Comeback Elvis is in the guest bathroom

So the Vegas Elvis' toliet is a commodious one, I take it? It would have to be big to support that sort of weight. Plush seat?

Of course. There are numerous rhinestones and sequins as well. We thought of getting a karaoki machine to put next to it...

Well, since my baby left me,
I've found a new place to dwell,
It's down at the end of Porcelain Street,
It's Toilet Bowl Hotel...

You can clean my bowl,
Change my roll,
Wiggle my handle
with a yellow gloved arm
Do anything that you want to do, but uh-uh
Honey, lay of the mexican food

Oh baby, don't let it be soupy
Oh baby, don't let it be runny
Oh baby, go on--clean my bowl.

*wipes away the tears*

That was beautiful

I can see it in lights...Gilbert and Sullivan, Rodgers and Hammerstein, Lennon and McCartney, Eglon and Grafenberg.

It does sound quite nice. I wonder why those names always have the shortest name first? Well, sure it looks good in a Playbill and in the credits but that seems rather (insert proper word)-ist to me.

Sizeist?
Shortist?
Parcheesist?
Casaba Melonist?
Reaganesque?

I'm leaning towards Reaganesque. Well, maybe resting towards it.

I don't think I can remember it....Reagan who? That Otto kid? You know, the one with the freckles, the cowlick, and those plaid sport pants. Jeez, what a character.

Otto's a good name for a vampire.

Really? I've always preferred Claude myself.

What filth are you spewing now? A vampire wouldn't be caught dead with a name like Claude *ba dump bum*

Oh yeah? Who says Otto's the cat's meow? According to the last official census of the Dead, Undead, and Only Slightly Dead in popularity Claude edged out Bruce, Chester, and Pierre. Otto was dead last. So there.

Dead last sounds like first place when it comes to the undead