h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nectarines and the plumcots- god bless 'em. Not like those weasley asian pears. They'd sell their fellow pear for a bath.

Even the poor Bosc? My god, such villany should not go unpunished! Methinks a revolution should be in the works. A good stout rhubarb could clean up those rapscallions in no time at all. Salt of the earth, rhubarb. Excellent pie, too.

I don't trust them.... don't trust their cousins, Celery, either. Give me your Grapes any day! Strong vines, good wine!

I don't know about that. Chardonnay's a dime a dozen now. So common, so, well...low rent. Give me a good cider any day.

Don't blame the grapes for poil soil and improper fermentation

I can and I will. Chardonnay is the trailer trash of wine grapes. Even Zinfandel is branching out in recent years. Chardonnay needs to get with it.

I believe that the Chablis currently holds the trailer trash title

It's probably also the name of some trailer trash as well...

Presenting Miss Arkansas, Chablis Hatfield-McCoy!

It is a very popular name among prostitutes and transvestites.

Yes, yes. Who didn't read "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"? I think a better name, if one must choose amongst alcoholic spirits, is Syrah. Or Framboise. Maybe Jack Daniels. Jagermeister??

I didn't read it I think Peppermint Schnops would be a great porn name.

I can see her promo material now: *snazzy movie voice-over tone* "She burns as she goes down!!"

Another good porn name is Apple Pucker. Really.

Sorry guys, but this was an absolutly great thread

*shrieks*

AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help! An interloper!

*begins pelting the interloper with unripe fruit*

Take that, you scurvy knave!

*hefts two carambolas in either hand and aim's for the eyes*

I thought we would simply scare him away. I don't know about putting his eyes out--don't you think Amnesty International might get a little upset?

You're right, you know. Never send fruit out for a vegetable's job

*picks up two yams instead*

*gets some rutabagas at the ready*

You always need reliable back up for a job like this!

Not only that, but now that I remember it, he used the past tense, as in WAS!

*out of utter contempt and a bit of boredom, sporky howls the prehistoric battle call of all (wo)men *

Aargh!

*he also picks up two artichokes, the edges of their leaves sharpened on air*