h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Through throw crap.

Whatever.

Don't look at me like that. Am I an ape? Am I a monkey? Then no, I am not flinging crap.

My father was once pelted with crap by a gorilla at the San Francisco Zoo. We thought it was funny. He didn't.

I made a flan for Christmas dinner (well, the dessert really, we had other stuff for dinner) two years ago. It was somewhere between a liquid and a solid. Rather gelatinous in texture, really. Very creamy though. In any case yes, it was baked--for a hour--and it's very flingable. Good qualities for a weapon.

Especially if it is boiling hot and leaves embarassing stains

The stickiness factor of hot caramel is pretty impressive too!

I should imagine, though I think I'd prefer to use butterscotch.

I am getting quite hungry, with all this talk of food. Would you care for a bite to eat?

Sure. Let's eat that lemon.

What, a bite isn't good enough for you? Fine, have a lemon then.

Are you calling me a glutton?

"Well, if the lemon fits..."

If you don't know what a bite is, well, you could always introduce yourself.

But I thought you and I have already met. Was I wrong? Are we strangers?

*checks his label*

I'm not a bite, I'm a love bucket

Oh dear. I do believe I have the wrong individual.

*looks puzzled*

Oh dear. I do believe I have the wrong individual.

*looks puzzled*

Very puzzled, so it seems

I think that was "puzzled squared", a very rare and precious disease. Care for some?

Maybe, in a jar... for the mantelpiece, ya know?

*lowers tone*

That's tres passe, dearest. These days the Smart Set is putting theirs atop the toilet tank.

Really? Gosh. Thanks! Wait... you don't think it will clash with the elvis statue, do you?

Blasphemy! Nothing clashes with Our Lord Elvis Presley! Wash your mouth out with a fried-peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich you heretic!

I'm sorry... I thought everyone called their toilet Elvis...