h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Still he holds on ! PW needs a Captain who go the distance. Give me the prize !

your points for this event...... 87 out of a possible 94... the flight suit was immensely dissapointing.. we thought you might use your imagination a tad more.... however.... this leads us on to task number 3...



Inventiveness


..........the stage is urs

(sits back in lotus position with pipe and large bucket o wine, awaiting whatever...)

The flight suit tears away to reveal the body of a bronzed god (pan, unfortunatly), and PW cannot contain her lust; She must have him ! Never has she been so aroused !! Lust takes over her, and she drops to her knees in worship, needing him as much as kneading him....


You said be inventive !

i said inventive, not completely lose the run of yourself and eat all the mushrooms


but....i'm prepared to go along with your little experiment, in the name of science or whatever......you know what i mean.... ffs dont stop man....you'll spoil your exam.

ahem..

Losing all sense of morality, and unable to control herself, she flung her body at his, screaming "......"

(well, just screaming, really)

"quick", he thought, "before she comes to ther senses"

It was too late; Suddenly he knew all there was to know about bog-snorkelling (men ! trust me) She could contain herself no longer. nor could the outfit, for that matter ! At least ! She'd been tamed !

More after these messages

more after these massages..... get back in here

Get massaging, woman (the hormonal balance has shifted- Testosterone rules !)

(arrives back in room with large gallon can of castor oil )

lovely.. you're waitin for me honey..

are you ready?

lets get started...

Bring it on.....

turns off all the lights and he waits in the dark...not sure what's comin next....


jaysus, is that the time.......i have to go put the dinner on...

Ready for day two of your rather easy trials......


Let's rock, PW !


AM

Well i'm not overly impressed with your feeble attempt at the inventiveness test...



(cracks feather boa menacingly)

we know you can do better

whistles casually, inspects nails and taps foot.....

i'm waiting

Bring on the test, pest......

more inventiveness man


we haven't finished that test yet

if you dont want to flunk it i suggest that you surprise and delight me with your 2nd attempt..

Okay, bring me up to speed. Where am I up to ?

awwwww....flaggin are we pet?

well you've skimmed the first 2 tests by the skin of yer teeth..
you're on the third, Inventiveness, which i would have guessed was your strongest (tho i haven't seen u in the kitchen yet and i'm optimistic about dinner on that day)

the purpose of the inventiveness test is that you use your own imagination to creat your own scenario.. you will be judged on originality, humour and of course your ambidextrousness.. very important in PW's world!!

Inventiveness, eh.

Right, get dressed. Wear the boots from shelf 3, the underwear in locker 6, the top from Maximim Security, and the bottom bit from Crimewatch. Makeup pattern Omega-13(whore level), and the perfume you picked up on that working holiday in Phuket. I'll be in the kitchen. Dinner will consist of Peasant under glass (that's not a dish, it's just funny...still, he's a pleasant peasant) Prinz Orloff - a german dish very popular with buccaneers, consisting of a large 'loaf'of thick slices of ham and turkey stacked together like toast in a rack, and backed with assorted wines and cheeses. Moroccan potatoes baked with fennel, cumin and sundried tomatoes. Fresh indian corn and petit-pois, served with a choice of real ales, spiced rum, and red wine, spanish for quaffing purposes, served in iced tankards. Dessert is syllabub with cinnamon and sesame seed torte, baked to perfection. Cigars and full body (my God is that a full body !)massage for a perfect end to a perfect meal.

Over to you, yer honour.

Feather boa sinks to the floor

PW assumes feminine stance,bottom lip trembling, places back of hand to forehead and collapses (into AM's arms of course) in a dead faint....

Now it could be the underwear from locker 6...if laced too tightly it can produce the vapours, but AW is grinning in that 'yes folks, i've done it again' way that suggests he got the exact response he was seeking...

Of course he bein practicing for the strength test has no problem swooping her up and leggin it up them stairs (even tho it's a bunglow) quick as a flash (afore she comes to and geta too mad like)...
meal is best served luke warm in anyways..
ooo...hang on...he runs back down and she momentarily come's to just long enough to open fridge, grab champagne, strawberries, whipped cream and they're gone again...



"But dont worry folks (Groucho marks style voiceover, complete with PW's half smoked cigar) she'll be back crackin that boa, after these massages.....erm....ahem...messages......oh hell Whatever... go have a cup of tea..

Galloping up the stairs, he explodes onto the bungalow roof and rips away the rags of yesterday's flightsuit. The neighbours gather round gasping "it's a bird, it's a plane..... it's Michealangelo's David ! (white, cold, underhung) No, it is a bird, with some bloke pumping (HACKING COUGH !) champagne and strawberries into her" She slowly awakes, her vision focusing
"Jack", she says "is it really you ?"
"No", comes the reply "I'ts Father O'Friggery from St. Gumboots. Jack asked me to keep you busy whilst he gets the rest of the whipped cream" and gives her a playful tap over the head with lump hammer. She gasps... she swoons... she boots the Priest in the cassocks and he pitches off the roof into the waiting crowd of protestants, quakers, and a passing amish family on their way to the Dixon's sale. Jack appears. "you took your bloody time, Cap'n, she says, before grabbing him bu the waistband. As she pulls him screaming on top of her, she remembers too late he's naked......

Indeed..

ok, (stands up, brushes self down and shoo's natives with an 'alright alright, nothing to see here, back about yer business' and takes out notebook from inside underwear from locker 6 (it's a very small notebook)

ok mister A.. i think you have passed that one with flying colours...i might recommend that we go back over our notes later just to determine the exact score you shall have

next up...Strength...

Sound of Fanfare in the distance, and a FLASH!!!!!!
complete with puffs of blue and red smoke..... when it clears, there stands aye Be... lookin suspciciously like an Amazon Woman.. (not Zena warrier princess but not far off)

with a toss of her Flaxen curls and a click of her fingers out troops her complete set of one dozen bronzed and oiled slaves, carrying a very large fearsome looking device which they drop with a loud Thud on the ground.

once the dust settles she smiles benignly and says... 'STRENGTH' darling...

if you can pull this 'ere Frigate up that there hill, 1 mile, to the Dog and Duck, there's a large pint of designer real ale waiting on ya.. and a damn sight more besides.

oh...the boys will be sitting on't back if that's ok...

if it helps you any babes, i'll walk a little ahead of you to set the pace.. (adjusts tiny rabbit skin (fake for the benefit of you animal rights mob) one sleeve one boob type strap thing meant to pass as a dress, the amazons of olden times had no fashion sense and the rabbits were v small..)


Come on darlin... i know you can do it..