h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ties straps around shoulders. Then leans forwards.... With a shudder and a groan, the frigate (frig this!)starts to move..... He drops onto all fours for more purchase, but as he's naked, he hasn't brought his wallet, so he can't purchase anything....
Fixing his eye on PW, he hoves forwards, dragging the hideous hulk behind him- Bill Bixby is furious ! After 50 yards, of watching PW's wiggle, though, He seems to be slowing down. He stops to consider the problem. behind him, between the deep footprints, is a narrow trench, two inches wide and eight inches deep, like a wagon rut.... curious... Suddenly, it dawns on him ! The Drag Factor ! but wearing women's clothes in a humerous way won't help here. Instead he turns around to adjust the straps. The slaves pile of the hulk with cries of "Secure that crane jib !" and "aaaargh ! me eye!". Adjusting the straps in such a way as to make the "anchor" work for him instead of against him, The Captain jogs up the hill dragging the bouncing vessel behind him like a sack of second hand weasles. as he passes PW, he sweeps her into his arms, as her close proximity will ensure the continued success of the venture. soon they are at the bar.....

well well... well ( you do know that story about the 3 wells i take it)...

i do like your style cap'n (she calls into the bar from outside......dog'n'duck dont allow that style of dress on their premises)

And while i wasn't looking at the exact time, i think we can stretch to givin you a pretty high mark for that challenge honey.....

(exact scores to be discussed at a secret meeting later)

..................what trip to thailand?????

Wher we will do our shopping....

Agility man..

keep with the programe....cant be thinkin bout shopping at a time like this...


How agile are ya anyway...???

can you put your feet behind your head....like this????

Groans at the sight


"bring it on, mama"

alright my lovleee..

your next challenge...

i have set up this obstacle course for you..
while i run ahead rattling this box o treats for encouragement, i want you to jump thru this tyre, over these 3 fences, do a back flip and land on that table... sit.. and STAY... ..then down, thru the tunnel. in and out thru the cones, up the see saw and balance it....stand stand....and run, more tyres, ring o fire and then the whole lot again backwards



you know how i love it backwards....

come on...lets be 'avin ya..
here's your collar and i'll just give you a nice rub down before you start...

(pats head affectionatly)

Gets ready.... Braces self..... awaits the off.......

ready..... steady... steady..

G O!!!

PW watches open mouthed as he bolts around the course... the backwards bit impresses her so much she begs him to do it again for extra points...
on completion of said circit he is deemed to have completed the challenge to a satisfactory degree....All that remains for him to prove now is his prowess in the kitchen (the earlier invented meal doesn't count)

hands him the entire box of treats which include a key, a watch, stopped at 3.17, a book of matches, an aeroplane ticket and a picture of a curious man with one eyebrow raised.....

what on earth will he make of these??
read on avid viewers
..
..

What will the next thrilling instalment bring !


(wish I was out there reading this ! its great! can't wait to see what I write tomorrow !)

Still Waiting.....

well come then!!!!

wot r u waitin for!!.....

cookery...

get yer pinny on

i'm bludy starvin man... make it a 5 course

= with !

you are aware that you could fail the entire Entrance (and what an entrance) exam on the strength of that pathetic menu


if you are too busy we can reschedule, but be aware there will be points deducted for insubordination and indifference...and tardiness...

do not vex she of the matsters degree in cutlass wielding..

That wasn't the menu !
Twas a little insubordination ! Menu to follow....... Stay tooned...

good....

i do like a little insubordination in the right circumstances mind...i'd hate to think you were a good boy all the time..

starvin


feed me

MENU ON IT'S WAY......

The Menu, As served by El Capitan wearing his formal shorts and Captains hat, collar and cuffs (which match). Be seated.....

STARTERS

Horse dervs
Spicy cockles
NO shrimps

MAIN COURSES
Thick meaty banger
Hot sausage
Cock au Van (or the back of a Ford Sierra)
Pullet (handle carefully, though)
Fresh Goose ("oi, you !"
Hot Dogs (choice of carpark or layby)
Pork
Spit roasted Pork
Pork roasted Spit
Salami (hidden)
Well hung Venison
Well hung Captain
Hot crackling

SWEET TROLLEY
Smarties
Rollos
Mars Bars
Chewy

DESSERT TROLLEY
Spotted Dick
Hot Tarts
Juicy pie
Bath buns
Flap, Jack
Hot Seed cake

All served with thick fresh cream.

After eight mints
Before nine mints

CHEESBOARD AND CRACKERS
(cheese available on request if the board proves tough to chew)

All dishes served hot and spicy, sweet but not sour, In an attempt to curry favour and milk the situation. Further inunedoes available on request.

CHILDREN'S MENU
Cinema tickets and a bag of liquorish allsorts. Thick ear available on request.



PATRONS ARE REQUIRED TO DRESS APPROPRIATLY......

(saunters in casually with pout and an attempt at indifferent look, dressed very informally in pair of see thru pvc jeans and a string vest)


i'm not sure i'm hungry (she says, eyeing the menu with an attempt at indifference)

but seeing as you have gone to a small amount of trouble i may sample the well hung captain and a melted mars bar please

Serves up a large portion....

Hello, PW

hello cap'n

what's nu wi u

dinner was lovely thankyou