h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Been busting ass; Been lining up a new contract. Gotta go with the flow. how's my pirate wench () ? Glad you enjoyed dinner ! What's the next trial ?

hmmmmmm, (chewin pencil thoughtfully and tryin to add up stuff)

hang on..just tottin up your score


oh crap..
you've passed....(sound of rusty portcullas being winched up)

welcome aboard... mind the step

??

Let's Boogie.....

Do not run (naked) on deck ....splinters.. i may look like a nurse in this outfit but i'm not good at sight o blood...eeewwwwww

Do not ignore the many and varied requests of your hostess
It would only be polite and expected of you to fulfil as many of above as possible...(you're in for it mate, she's a hard taskmaster)

Do not refuse to drink that lovely steaming mug o grog she will bring as a 'welcome on board' to a new 'recruit'.. why?? oh no reason.. ermm... it's rude not to that's why..

Do not be worried if you can't remember much about tonight tomorrow, it's probably due to exhaustion

Do not wear any clothing past this point (look down, see the yellow line)except that which is provided for your comfort (look right.... yes, that.....dont panic. you'll look gorgeous in it)

Do not under any circumstances ask what is in the hold.... not even if you hear strange sounds coming from in there... just dont ask

Do have a good time...Here is your wristband, your plastic glass and your map and clues... now go find her

quicker you find her the sooner you'll ....... well...

Irons outfit, ready for the graduation and prize giving....

Hello My name is UG.
your first mission aboard this vessel is to find your 'ostess..

(points meaningfully over his shoulder to a small cabin shrouded in darkenss at the far end of the deck)

i cant tell you where she is, but she dont like to be kept waiting...
once you find her, your ceremony will begin sir, with a few minor delays..... there usually is...

'ere let me take your coat..

here's a another for mistress p.w. and your hat..


Mwuhahahahaah..

Strips off dinner Jacket to reveal black cat suit, AlphaRanger boot, Night optical headset, utility belt......

"I'm goin' in"

Dee dee, dee dee Dah dee dee.......

darling is that not the theme from Dr Zhivago....Lara's theme??
you're a lovely singer


(he turns suddenly at the sound of her voice... she's standing there in the moonlight, cigar in hand, the usual basque, stockings.. german army helmet)

??

Sound of jaw hitting floor. Sound of zip being rendered useless.

nice suit babes....where's me milk tray?

(presents Wolfie (new pet name) with large pitcher o ale and a trophy, in the shape of herself..modest is our P.W.)

You have a choice now, for you're evening's entertainment...

i have it in my power to arrange your perfect evening....whatever you like.. drinkin and sex is not on the agenda however, well not till at least 2..i'm bored...
entertain me

my pirate jet is waiting should we need it...

How about a couple of hours bog snokling ?

Failing that, skinny dipping in a Champagne pool on bali ?

Dress code required.....

yes darling..

the bali and champagne thing sounds fabulous.. should i have ug crank up the pirate jet?


dress code??

isn't that a contracdiction in terms?...

Not with what I have in mind. But waiting to hear from you first.....

even tho it has been said that i'll never drown (think about it)
i can't swim...pirates deliberatly dont learn to swim, as it's bad luck

it's also incredibly back luck to fall into the drink and drown...so i dont really know why they dont just learn, or wear armbands or whatever...

when do we leave? have i time to nip back for another bottle o grog?

Planes already loaded ! get on board whilst I inspect your flotation gear.

just goin to get me rubber whatchamacallit.... i think we'll need it..

Oh we will, we will...

wolfie dear... you dont suffer from any brewry related conditions do you?>
you do seem to down a lot of grog and champagne....i'd hate to be dissapointed

I'm not downing it. These are the on board provisions.(personally, i'd rather have a nice ). disappointment, I think not

Jake The Peg

no me neither..i was just checkin me investment dearie

right... it's a long flight.. hmmm...

(looks around, trying to find something that would make a game of i spy last longer than 2 minutes, fails)

Mile Hi darling?