h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Due to the underlaying interconnectiveness of all things, and indeed all smells, it has been hypothesised that the existance of coffee can all but itself be entirely disconnected from nearly every other item except for sporks and the smell itself of unwashed socks.
Through divergent evolution of smell socks, over the eons of sock-genisis the smell sock has evolved to become one fo the few sentiant items of clothing capible of simple mathmatical calculations and basic thermonuclear physics.
The coffee, is, of course, undoubtidly, unconnected to the sofa itself, which may or may not actually exit in this spatial coordinate.
When Geramy Paxman interviewed God about the sofa, she was unable to provid eany satisifactory answer, which lead to the whole Sock versus God argument in the media last year.
All of which goes to prove, that its only the coffee we can be sure of.

Especially when said coffee is brewed by Captain Coffee Break himself

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what utter tosh!!!!!

there is no universe, there is only alcohol, and everything else is a case of the eeeby geeby s!!!!!!

Yea! all worship Stolli Vodka

In French, bad coffee is often referred to as 'sock juice'

Are you saying ... there is no Bruvva's in Da 'ood!

if you are p*ssed enough there are

*giggles*

That sounds about right!

Any reference to my socks, or the odour thereof, are completely untrue, and unfounded.

My socks are laudered to the highest standard by The Missus, occasionally even returning to me in pairs, as opposed to random individual socks turning up on separate days.

My method of hurling them at the wall, re-using those that fall, and washing those that stick has never let me down yet.

...although I did need to re-plaster the wall last year.

oooh, that's what that extra flavour was in my last cuppa... Plaster and paint!

What about the ones under Da Bruvva's sofa?

Those are for special occasions when the coffee needs to be especially pungent. Like the morning after St Patrick's day!

And you thought it was just the limescale from the kettle!

Oh no... I know exactly how that tastes. And how it sticks to your tongue. No no no, this was a little more... flavoursome. A hint of oatmeal and a subtle aroma of a magnolia derivative...

*strokes her Matt's pile*

You know, you can get cream to help with that, lil...

I've tried fabric conditioner, but it still gets all tangled

try black coffee, might make it stay up all night

No, please... last time she tried that it took ages to get the stains out...