h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ah, electric toothbrushes are the best

if ya wake up after boozing the night away with all you have to do is brush your teeth eletrically - and bob's your uncle

great! I've always wanted an uncle Bob

Now we know Robyn, that strange buzzing noise emanating from your bedroom was actually your toothbrush

I bloody well guarantee you it was not an electric toothbrush. How dare you!




It was the dremel I borrowed to engrave some glass.

Ah the dremel, a thing of a thousand uses,
like gathering dust.
I wonder if it comes with a tooth cleaning attatchement?

No idea. Mum uses hers all the time, but then she makes jewelry and stained glass pictures (with engraved sections sometimes...) for a living.

what a waste of dremel - and time

My mother's chosen craft?

It's exquisite work.

All I do is rub men's bottoms and roll around on the floor with them. Perhaps I should get a dremal and amaze my friends
I ordered sea monkeys once, they weren't anything as exciting as portrayed in the adverts, and they all died Bet my dremal would do that I'm like doctor death with things

if you mom is happy with that, fine

i still think it could be used better though

Yeah. Ok.

Are you going to tell me she's wasting a good soldering iron because 'all' she does is apply solder to copper-foiled glass with it next?

sorry, i was not born to be taken that seriously and i have no idea how to cope with it

There ain't much more you can do with a soldering iron really, as a tool it lacks the versatilty of an electric welder.
Not only can you weld things together, you can light your ciggie off the hot tip afterwards.
Don't try it with an oxy-acetylene torch though, whoosh and the ciggies burnt away, and your tash, eyelashes and the hair up your nostrils.

speaking from experience, are you?

Yup, eyebrows just starting to grow back now.
One positive thing, it's put me off smoking.

Just switch to superkings

ladyfriend of mine has this huge lighter in her purse. says she is tired of rummaging around for hours trying to find normal sized ones

i suggested a weedburner what the city's gardeners use, with wheels and all. should last her a life time

Reminds me of an article I read about a guy who wanted toget rid of the bugs in his backyard. Apparaently he also got rid of his backyard, the garage and half of his house. From his hospital bed later, recovering from first degree burns, he was reported as saying " I didn't realise there was gasoline in the stuff I was spraying till the fumes reached my pipe".

Needless to say what nationality he was and it wasn't European.

Reminds me of the gang of kids I used to hang out with, there was always an arsonist and an explosives pillock. I fell into the latter catagory No wonder all my friends were always in hospital with either burns or shock

Pass the napalm someone Need to get the barbecue going

i heard about this vet, right?, who was treating a cow that was turning into a balloon because of constipation, see?, and he stuck a pipe down the animals throat whilst telling the farmer 'those gasses building up inside are flammable, you know?' and the farmer said 'really?' and the vet answered 'oh, sure, allow me to demonstrate', so when he finally hit the gass pockets he lighted them and the poor cow sprang all around the farm setting every building on fire...

true story!

See what you started Robyn?

A work colleague had a favourite trick of grinding a small nick in a light bulb
then filling it with oxy/acetylene gas.
He'd put the bulb in a light socket so when someone switched on the light,
BANG!
Great fun for him but brown underpants for the unsuspecting victim.