Journal Entries
Adventure ahead!
Posted Mar 31, 2006
Off I go! May be a little time before I can go online again, but I'll be back soon to report on my 
new life as a student.
Gotta pack the last things together...
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Latest reply: Mar 31, 2006
On the move
Posted Mar 19, 2006
I've noticed something...when you get to leave your stuff behind, there's just *you* left. 
I mean, it became somewhat clear to me how much we (well, I ) define ourselves through our things, stuff, clothes, furniture, fancy gadgets, posters, little memorabilia etc. And what is left when you take all that away? I definately don't like the thought that I might be a boring person without my things. I liked to decorate my room in a way that would be interesting for people visiting me, but isn't that just image? Image is nothing, thirst is everything or what was that comercial? Oh and one of my favorite movies, American Beauty: Kevin Spacey shouting: "It's just a COUCH! This isn't life, this is just stuff." True, I think. Maybe.
I'm curious now, when I leave my image somewhat behind when I move in two weeks time - will I be open to persuasion/suggestion more than before? It was something like a comfort to have a set image. And will feel lost? Probably. And after that has gone away...will I be closer to the true *me*? We shall see. I think it's time I give a little more attention to my diary, to keep analysing myself and look for changes and their causes.
Oh, and totally different subject: Let's all hope that demonstrations in Belarus tonight will be peaceful. 
I'm scared that there might be terrible violence by the police and military.
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Mar 19, 2006
Friday (couldn't think of a subject)
Posted Mar 3, 2006
*babble, chat*
I got a fancy new mobile today. Sony Ericsson K700i. I know it's not *the* latest, but I didn't want a contract, and couldn't afford an even fancier one that's prepaid. Now I can take photos! 
I also got my mp3-player changed at the store (didn't tell them that I had bought it more than a year ago...
), so I've got a fully functioning thingy again
And I'm appartment-hunting. I've only written e-mails so far, haven't brought myself to call the people 
Does anybody know a trick to overcome shyness for a couple of seconds, so that I can dial? Sounds stupid , but I really am avoidant.
It's a bit much at the moment to organise, if I could choose, I would take a little break, and then carry on with responsibility. Yes I know, who can do that, nobody can, right. But I'm treating myself still carefully, not asking too much, just little steps, I'm still feeling like in a recovery phase. I think I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow..
Discuss this Journal entry [13]
Latest reply: Mar 3, 2006
Mixed Feelings
Posted Feb 18, 2006
I have some mixed feelings today. Hmm well, yesterday was the day of mixed feelings, actually, today I haven't woken up yet 
After some weeks, I invited my best friend Sabrina again yesterday. I have a very complicated relationship towards her. I'm always looking forward to seeing her, but the meetings are a bit disappointing, I think for both of us. I am terribly anxious to bore her, so I get very tense. Only after some time I start to relax, and start to talk. I keep very quiet at first, with anyone. It hurt that she told me what to do (talking about university), always saying "what, you haven't done this and that yet?! Better hurry!" I had a plan and was feeling good about it, but she made me all nervous and feeling inferior. I don't think she knows how she can hurt me. I don't show it, too.
Yeah, well, we went out, drinking cocktails, and to the cinema. We watched "Memoirs of a Geisha", that was so beautiful! Wonderfully atmospheric, beautifully photographed. And incredibly foreign and strange.
Before, in the bar, Sabrina and me, we were laughing and talking, having lots of fun. We share a lot of private jokes and memories, I know what makes her laugh, and we can get to a level of sillyness, unlike with anyone else I know. On the way home we're always quiet. I didn't quite know if she liked the film, so I was scared to say something wrong again, in case she might laugh at me. I hate nothing more than being humiliated and laughed at.
I gave her a copy of The Smiths: "The Queen is dead", which I guessed she would like, because it's so excentric. I had asked her to give me a copy of a cd of hers: Fleetwood Mac "Rumours". I had heard the song "Dreams" a while ago on the radio, and wanted to have it on cd. So, last night when Sabrina was away on her way home, I listened to "Rumours" and was hit by a wave of memories. I was instantly transported 10 years back, when we were kids, sitting in Sabrina's room, listening to the oldie-radio playing songs of the 60s, or listening to Beatles, Cat Stevens and Fleetwood Mac records of her father (without understanding a single word of English). I had completely forgotten about the song "You make loving fun", and it's such a joy to hear that now again. Very nostalgic, to listen to songs you haven't heard for years...during a time in your life that will never come back. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want those times to come back, but it makes me sad, nevertheless 
I never did believe in miracles,
But I've a feeling it's time to try
I never did believe in the ways of magic,
But I'm beginning to wonder why
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Latest reply: Feb 18, 2006
Bavarian Bachelor
Posted Feb 9, 2006
That was quick, rejection was yesterday, admission today!
It's official, I'm becoming Bavarian! 
I'm going to move to the lovely(?) little town of Passau, on the border to Austria. About 650 kilometers from my hometown Oh, now I'm getting all nervous...
My course of studies has the overwhelming title "Bachelor in Governance and Public Policy - Staatswissenschaften" 
And it's a mixture of Politics, Sociology, History, Economics and Public Law.
Excited!
Discuss this Journal entry [16]
Latest reply: Feb 9, 2006
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Susanne - if it ain't broke, break it!
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