h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Selects a sapphire blue number with sequins. She looks doubtfully at the high heels, though, and stays with her black nurse's shoes (bunions ) Comes out of the Ladies Room with a fresh coat of lipstick and a spritz of Joy, which was a gift from Kheldar.*

Hey you, joy boy, have you met my friends Gwennie and Pandora? They'll be out in a moment.

*Sees Prez in the doorway and waves hello, hoping he will come into the shop and pay attention to either or both of her friends.*

Buck up, Coely. Babel isn't angry with you.

*watches in some surprise as the entire room rises more or less quickly and leaves for the toilets* *turns gigolo mode down to charm and waits expectantly for the mass return* * thinks 'I wonder who has the most money?'*

*Wonders out loud* Do any of these lovely jeune-filles know how to Tango?

*Gwennie hops out of the ladies powder room, still struggling to squeeze her aged feet into a pair of tiny stileto shoes when her eyes fall upon the charming YOUNG MAN seated at the table. She decides this to be too good an opportunity to pass up and feigns a little accident on returning to her seat*

Oh dear! *Loses her balance and falls upon the YOUNG MAN'S lap*

Pardon me! I'm so sorry! *Feigns difficulty in removing herself*

And what would your name be, YOUNG MAN?

*Adopts what she thinks is an edearing smile but instead reveals bright red lipstick, smeared across her front teeth*

*shazz also totters out of the ladies with the latest in little black dresses revealing far too much of her wrinkled, tanned skin. She has applied far too much make-up and is having difficulty seeing through the huge false eye-lashes which are somewhat reminiscent of Dame Barbara Cartlands...*

I see that you dears have already staked your claim to one or two YOUNG MEN! Are you sure that it's such a good idea... they are probably only after your money you know girls!
shazzPRME

~meanwhile in the gents, Kheldar is talking to Babel-17~

Cheer up lad, I'm pretty sure there's nothing to worry about. I mean, he's way too smooth to impress such classy ladies. And if nothing else, I'm pretty sure we can work out something to make sure it won't happen again... ~evil grin~

You OK now? We don't want to keep our dates waiting, do we?

* Ding-Dong !!! *

* Moments later a balding, greasy, middle-age man enters the room attempting to make his purple & yellow suit look respectable. This is however nothing compared to when he tries to grease down the last remaining strands of hair drawn over from just near his ear on the other side of his head... *

Shazzy !!! My Dearest !!!

I always knew you held a candle for me !!!

*catches Gwennie as she 'falls'* Never mind my name my dear, can you Tango?

Geraldo! Sweetheart! How kind of you to look me up ... (and down!)
Let's beat those two to the dance floor and trip the light fantastic
*attempts to brush the single strand over the bald patch again... but only succeeds in making hang down rather forlornly over one eyebrow*
shazzPRME

* Geraldo trembles uncontrollably. He has had plenty of physical contact in the art of seduction, but most people don't usually count being slapped as strictly romantic... *

* His eyes start to move further out at right angles... *

Er...

*Meanwhile back in the Gents......*

God! Look at me. This suit is ruined, and as for this tie, well, a beggar wouldn't thank me for it now! Kheldar, I agree with you, it just caught me by surprise. Look cover me for a little while will you? I need to nip out and chnage. Got to look my best if I want to get the girl, eh? *his winning smile flashes briefly on and off again as he slowly starts to calm down and think rationally again.*
Just to Coelacanth that I shall be back in a few minutes. I only need to get to my car, I have spare clothes in the boot.
*Khledar nods in agreement, while B-17 leaves by the window*

~Kheldar steps into the room again~
Wow! What has happened here while I was gone? Can somebody please explain to me what is going on in here? Take your time, don't leave anything out. What are you all dressed up for?
~hopes that this strategy will buy Babel enough time to change before he has to answer nasty questions...~

*Pandora exits the washroom holding tightly to the door. She's taken off her flat ballet slippers for a pair of shiney red heels...it's
been awhile...takes a deep breath, lets go of the door and falls right on her butt! The slit on the side of her slinky, red gown that had once been to the knee, is now thigh high! Showing the very bottom of her black garter! My Hell...how will I ever stand up gracefully in these shoes?!? The thought of crawling out the exit runs through her mind...but she KNOWS she's looking good!!! Except for being sprwaled
on the floor, of course! Her cleveage has recieved another go-over with the sparkel gel. She's put one braid down the side of her long black hair. And just touched up her mascara, as her tanned skin rarely
is covered by 'war paint'. But if she starts to cry, as she feels she's about to...the mascara will surely run! That would just about put the day full circle! There she sits...on the floor all dressed up
and no chance of getting up in a ladylike manner!*

*Meanwhile the tango music reaches a crescendo. shazz finishes whirling Geraldo round her head as the flash of yellow and purple is starting to make her feel dizzy. She is just about to initiate a very clever step involving swiveling around and taking her partner on a mad merry-go-round when her heel suddenly snaps. shazz falls over in an undignified heap, landing right next to Pandora who is biting her lower lip and looking as miserable as sin!*

oops! Come here often dearie?

shazzPRME

*taps his tophat at mari-rae*

*on seeing pandora fall, ambles on in with an 'I knew that was going to happen' air, a black top hat, ridiculously glam sparkleblack tux, and tapdancing shoes. Straight to Pandora then, who sees him coming with an 'I don't think i knew that was going to happen but i may be wrong' air, as he offers her a gloved hand to help her up...*

May ay 'elp yu, younguish laydy?

*Determined not to be outdone on the dance floor by Shazz and her balding partner, Gwennie grabs Androyd by the wrist and totters precariously onto the dance floor*

Tango? Me? Of course I can, YOUNG MAN! *lies convincingly*

Cor, bimey! Our Pandy seems to 'ave pulled a YOUNG MAN!!!

Did someone say toy boys? I'm your man... umm... lad... boy... infant thingee.

*enters with a florish (and a white sports coat) still weilding amazing Dean Martin Powers - which are all the more powerful due to his *ahem* youthful age*

Can I take this rose out from between my teeth now?

*Sees Kheldar at the edge of the dance floor, so crosses the room to him with no problem since she is still wearing her orthopedic shoes. On the way to Kheldar she stops to say hello to Prez, and Wowbagger. They are two lovely youths she has met before during her many travels. She inspects Androyd, whom she does not yet know, observing that Gwennie seems quite taken with him. He has cute buns, she sees.*

Kheldar, dear heart, shall we dance?

*Coelacanth has chosen a very tight shimmering blue sequinned number and has found something quite substantial to push up her assets. Her very dainty feet are crammed into black stilletos with an ankle strap. She slowly totters out of the ladies and finds the tearoom full of lovely young men, all dancing with her friends. She looks around, but feels quite the wallflower. However, at least she is still upright, unlike some of the poor dears. She calls the waiters over to help hoist up the fallen women.*

A shy lad, Wowbagger stands at the back of the room stirring his vodka martini with toothpick and olive. Not being able to help himself the olive is eventually popped into his mouth. Mmmmmm... olives.