h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Does the dabbing up of the stains bit on Kheldar's suit with a napkin, lingering over the wide chest area particularly.*

Honestly! This table is a mess. Kheldar, dear, would you like to switch tables? They may join us if they dare.

"Oh dear!!!" *hisses in Gwennies direction-"no need to be so flipping helpful dearie."* "I am sorry for the stains, if you'll just remove your clothing, I'lljust run down the lane to the cleaners & have it taken care of! I'm sure Mari-Rae will make sure you don't catch a chill." *notices the look on everyone's face..again* "What?!?"
*Pandora motions to a YOUN MAN who looks the other way, until she holds up a fist full of money...then the waiters rush eachother to be first* "I'm afraid I've made on awful mess here (*glares at Gwennie*).
Would you be kind enough to clear the mess & take everyone's order?"
*runs her tongue over her teeth & to her delight discovers the chocolate thingy has been dislodged...smiles sweetly in everyone direction* "So are these British terms then? cadoodeling, and 'riding elephants'? I must buy some sort of translation guide!"

~takes off jacket and hands it over...~
~pauses a while to take a look at the shirt underneath the jacket~

Ahem!
*clears throat*
Yes, I think the shirt's going to need a clean too Kheldar.
Arm Candy? What can you mean dearie? DO explain.
*Holds Babel-17's arm*

*Helps Kheldar with the buttons on his shirt. Her fingers tremble a bit as they linger for a moment longer than was needed against his now bare chest. A gold chain hangs around his neck with a small anhk suspended from it.*

~really blushing now as she sees the ahnk.~

Oh! You remembered! I bought this for him when we were in Egypt last winter.

"Oh! Was that when you two were 'ridig elephants'?" *Pandora looks at Mari-Rae* "What do you think dear? Don't you think the trousers should be laundered at the same time? Wouldn't want a fadded look!"

~jingle, jingle~

~The tea-room door is pushed open and an imperious figure enters carrying 16 Harrods shopping bags, a copy of the Financial Times and a lethal-looking umbrella~

Ah! Here you are you old biddies! Just thought that I'd drop in for a bit of light refreshment.
~spots waiters~

YOUNG MAN... a cup of earl grey please, hot, black.
~turns back to the strange group huddled around the table~

So...(hitches left boob in an endearing way which results in at least 4 Harrods bags tumbling on to the floor...what are you all up to then?
I see that at least two of you have found YOUNG escorts! Have they renamed this place by any chance? No wonder my House of Relaxation has been quiet recently!
shazzPRME

~opens up his backpack and takes out a fresh shirt. It matches what's left of his suit perfectly, so he decides to put it on, leaving the ankh hanging over it~

So sweet, dear.

*Lays a possessive hand lightly on his arm. Stares at the bag lady approaching their table. She resembles someone met somewhere before, but can't think of when or where it was.*

*enters with gigolo mode set to 'stun' wearing a loud suit and slicked back hair* Good evening lovely,lovely ladies, Gwennie told me you were in need of assistance. *Glance falls on Coelacanth.* What can I do for YOU?

~whispers to mari-rae~
Coely seems to be quite popular. I'm very happy for her . And the good thing for me is, I don't have to worry about somebody stealing *you* away
~/whisper~

*scowls in androyd's general direction. Turns to Coelacanth and whispers 'Do you know him? What's going on here? Is there something you haven't told me?' Pulls arm from Coelys grip and picks up teacup, spilling tea all over his trousers*
Damn, I need to get cold water on this straight away.
*stands up and heads for the Gents, leaving Coelacanth speachless, and everybody stunned*

~stands up~
Mari-rae dear, will you excuse me for a moment?

*Proceeds to unpack a fetching Ball Gown from one of the Harrods bags and holds it up*

So... what do you think to this then girls? I always said that I would grow old disgracefully and that is what I intend to do! How about turning this joint into a tea dance? There seem to plenty of YOUNG MEN in here now... although mine hasn't turned up yet I am sure he will soon.

*Unpacks 3 more ball gowns all unbelievably low cut and in a *Shirley Bassey* style with interesting cut=out parts.*

Shall we adjourn to the ladies and make a quick change while the YOUNG MEN are all powdering their noses then?
shazzPRME

"Hello Shazz! Nice to finally meet you in person!" *Pan spots the gown she wants to wear* "My, but you do have good taste!!! Ladies? shall we be so bold?" *Pandora could actually use a fresh frock as she has tea stains & who knows what all, from the roll 'round underneath the table earlier*

~All the ladies rise and head off towards the ladies, which looks like it will take at least 30 minutes as Gwennie seems to be having some problems actually standing up and Coely appears to be tottering in her slippers~

~Shazz produces another bag filled to the brim with high-heels~

We better take these with us then... the jewellry we seem to have already, but the footwear leaves something to be desired!

shazzPRME

*Coelacanth looks round at the other ladies wondering just which one of them had paid for the gigolo. She decides they must have all put their pension money together out of sheer jealousy while she had nodded off. She decides to choose the tightest, lowest cut dress, and make sure Babel-17 understands that the others are not to be trusted.*
Wait for me ladies!

*passing by the tea room coincidentally, looks in through the open door, looking puzzled at the sight of what's about to happen*

Lordy, lordy lordy.

Meanwhile in The Gents......

*B-17 is furiously trying to get the tea stain out of his best Versachi jacket without damaging it, all the while mumbling wildly to himself*

...mutter, mummble, mutter, Ponced up so and so, mumble, grumble, Just who does he think he is, burble, mumble, grumble, swaning in like he owns the place, which I know for a fact he doesn't, and bold as bloody brass, not even noticing her that she has her arm on ME!, mumble, grumble....
*turns tap on and applies a touch more water to his handstiched hankerchief and dabs furiously at a particularly stubborn area. If anybody looked closely they might see the embroidered C & B in one corner.......*

*meanwhile outside the Gents, Coelacanth is dabbing her eyes with one that has C & B embroidered on it.....*