h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He swam himself silly

But at least you are no longer sinking.

===

A confuzzled young research assistant

Mixed her DNA with an elephant

It wrote longish books

But its trunk drew strange looks

When it tried to feed grass to her pants
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Mince Pies are Heaven on Earth

I munch them for all I am worth

Their taste fills my mouth

Then I run round the houth,

(houth = house, as pronounced after burning tongue on mince pies)

In the hope of decreasing my girth

++++++++++

A peculiar bird, is the duck

Its particuarly tricky to pluck

It's best to make sure

that it's a duck right and pure

'cos if it's a Goose, you're right out of luck.

(Oh, I don't know though... <g&gt
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Genital euphamisms proliferate

(let's see how many syllables we can pack into this one, folx!)

Double entendre that don't grate

Exceptionally large tedious sentances

past, present and future tenses

Cause the proper meter of a limerick to evaporate.
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There once was a man who loved melons

a fruit pervert, locked up with some felons

He'd a craving for plumbs