h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When somebody sees an obviously empty seat at the theatre/cinema/restaurant, they don't usually say "Is anyone there?", they just sit down. What kind of idiot goes around shouting at empty seats?
So unless you want to get sat on, Olaf, I... hang on a minute, where are you?

What's this place then? Never been here before. Ah, hello people. Would you be so kind as to direct me to the nearest Goodfellow-hideout? I want to... YEGADZ! This is an evil place, and you are evil folks! *Smacks hands over facial hair.* I must leave at once, I am too vulnerable here. *Looks around, hysterically.* I know! I'll hide behind this door, marked "Baboons". Herherher...

*noise of door swinging shut on babboon cage*

Omigod! Duke is trapped with the sex crazed babboons. Are you on the pill Duke? Persuade them to take precautions. I'll have you out in a jiffy!

No, leave your shoe laces undone... Don't bend over.

WOW! That was athletic. I don't think I've ever seen anyone jump so high without a run up.

I coming Duke - just hang on!

*loads underpant elastic gun with Scratch and sniff Babboon relaxant*

Oh, hullo Vestie. What's wrong? These baboons seem friendly. Look, this one wants to play, it's yanking my leg. Hey, stop it! Easy, monkey! No, I haven't got any candy in my pockets, get off! Vestie, what's going on?

Don't look them in the eye Duke! They'll take it as a come on.
Watch that big one he's just bitten the end off that wooden cosh.
*noise of fumbling with underpant elastic gun and babboon relaxant falling on the floor.*
Be brave Duke, I'll get you out of there in the twinkle of an eye.
No! I said DON'T make eye contact!

Don't worry, Vestie. I'm giving them The Duke Eye! It's a power I have hidden for use in extreme danger, which is something I didn't count on occuring when dealing with The Pity Forces of Evil.
And what sort of perverted, twisted baboons are these?! One would have thought that even a baboon, if not an evil doer, could tell right from wrong in nature? AOH! Leggo of that leg, you silly twit! Vestie, Ummmm... Could actually use a hand here...

I'm coming as fast as I can.
*Reloads underpant elastic gun and fires scratch and sniff babboon relaxant into cage*
Oh sh*t! I've hit the Duke with the relaxant!

Try and keep awake Duke! I'm reloading again.

Vestie, you useless piece of a what not! If I ever get out ooof heeeere aalliiiive...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Bloody superheroes. They can't even finish a sentence. If I had my way, I'd -
**gets hit in head with stray bit of elastic**

Olaf! We need help! How come you can never see an invisible superhero when you want one?

Right reload the relaxant into the underpant elastic gun.

Steady. Steady. Aim. Fire

Great one baboon down 14 to go. Gosh they are energetic aren't they. I expect Duke will be quite sore when he wakes up.

Reload...

*Fades in.....*

Er...hello all. Sorry, but the Invisibility Potion seems a tad more effective than we'd hoped for.

Luckily, Evil Giraffe's henchmen weren't expecting me still to be here, so here you go everyone, I'm setting you all free.

Duke, my man, you smell of baboons. Go and take a bath.

I was expecting you to still be here! Haha! Fear my nonsense!
Gwahahahahaha! Yah yah yah! Bffffffffffft!!

I fear your nonsense is no match for a smelly Duke. Sick'im, Dukey!

You'll have to wake him first Olaf.

Hmm... You're fading in and out. That's a terrific effect with your colon. Erm... Your clothes seem to be holding on to the invisibility better than your body. Perhaps you should find a barrel or something?

Phew, Duke! I'll have to have some of those babboon stains for my vest - they're really potent.

Stand back you evil ones or I'll waft Duke under your noses!

Maybe we should call him the Duke of Unstable now.

*Yawn* Whoa. I just had the most horrific experience. And I'm just haveing the most horrific smell in my nostrils. Is that your Vest, Vestie? Or is it me?
Helloo Olaf. Long time no see, hahaha... 'Scuze me while I go have a shower.

Save me some of those stains Duke - they may come in handy!

Let's just take your vest and rub it against my shirt here. That'll do it.

Spot on! As they say.

Well chaps we seem to have seen off the evil-doers for the moment. Anyone for tennis?