Journal Entries

alone again..

..and not enjoying it at all. smiley - cry

At least it shouldn't be permanent - or, that's what I'm telling myself. Loneliness is transitory.. happiness is permanent. smiley - erm

smiley - angel

smiley - rose

Discuss this Journal entry [136]

Latest reply: Feb 1, 2003

Meetup (and the following week)

I quite possibly won't be living at either of my homes for the next week, and I certainly won't be doing over the weekend (since I'll be at the meetup in london), so internet access may be sporadic, although I'll have a mobile phone and laptop with me at all times. If anyone desperately needs to get in contact with me, whether it's something meet-related, or they just feel the need to talk (smiley - erm), my mobile telephone number is on my website under the "contact" section. (http://www.njan.co.uk/njan)

take care, people!

smiley - peacesign

smiley - hug

smiley - rose

Discuss this Journal entry [4]

Latest reply: Jan 23, 2003

Terminal 3

I didn't remember it being this grotty; but then, this is the arrivals section. At least I'm not here for the architecture. smiley - angel

Just a few minutes to wait.. smiley - whistle

smiley - loveblush

Discuss this Journal entry [12]

Latest reply: Jan 19, 2003

At the close of day, the sunset cloaks these words in shadowplay..

I don't know that I've ever felt anything like this before.

I feel like describing it as utter, utter dread; but that's only because the only anticipation I've ever felt that was this strong was felt in abject fear. I've not ever wanted something so much as this, and I've never had anything of this magnitute come this close to fruition, far less rise to the level of a planned certainty. I feel like the whole of a long-anticipated pilgrimage has been compressed into such a short space of time; I have less than a day's worth of time ahead of me, and every minute feels like an hour, filled with spiritual upheaval bubbling from the core of my soul, like an uplit geiser of boiling, bubbling, sparkling water.

Somehow, I'm being allowed to walk close to something precious, as a tombraider to the prized jewel in the center of a forboding mausoleum; certain at any moment to be blatted into oblivion. And yet I don't think that I will, and the prized jewel is tantalisingly close. All that I have to do.. is to wait. Scaryness.

My language is breaking down.

I'm waiting. smiley - smiley

smiley - rose

..Here and now, long and loud
My heart cries out..

Discuss this Journal entry [14]

Latest reply: Jan 18, 2003

Waiting..

..for time to pass. In what's now almost a few hours, I'll be trying to tread temporal water and breathe slowly. And then a few hours after that, my heart will be fluttering and my spirits soaring.

I hope. smiley - winkeye

smiley - rose

Discuss this Journal entry [5]

Latest reply: Jan 17, 2003


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njan (afh)

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