Journal Entries
alone again..
Posted Feb 1, 2003
..and not enjoying it at all.
At least it shouldn't be permanent - or, that's what I'm telling myself. Loneliness is transitory.. happiness is permanent.
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Latest reply: Feb 1, 2003
Meetup (and the following week)
Posted Jan 23, 2003
I quite possibly won't be living at either of my homes for the next week, and I certainly won't be doing over the weekend (since I'll be at the meetup in london), so internet access may be sporadic, although I'll have a mobile phone and laptop with me at all times. If anyone desperately needs to get in contact with me, whether it's something meet-related, or they just feel the need to talk (), my mobile telephone number is on my website under the "contact" section. (http://www.njan.co.uk/njan)
take care, people!
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Latest reply: Jan 23, 2003
Terminal 3
Posted Jan 19, 2003
I didn't remember it being this grotty; but then, this is the arrivals section. At least I'm not here for the architecture.
Just a few minutes to wait..
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Latest reply: Jan 19, 2003
At the close of day, the sunset cloaks these words in shadowplay..
Posted Jan 18, 2003
I don't know that I've ever felt anything like this before.
I feel like describing it as utter, utter dread; but that's only because the only anticipation I've ever felt that was this strong was felt in abject fear. I've not ever wanted something so much as this, and I've never had anything of this magnitute come this close to fruition, far less rise to the level of a planned certainty. I feel like the whole of a long-anticipated pilgrimage has been compressed into such a short space of time; I have less than a day's worth of time ahead of me, and every minute feels like an hour, filled with spiritual upheaval bubbling from the core of my soul, like an uplit geiser of boiling, bubbling, sparkling water.
Somehow, I'm being allowed to walk close to something precious, as a tombraider to the prized jewel in the center of a forboding mausoleum; certain at any moment to be blatted into oblivion. And yet I don't think that I will, and the prized jewel is tantalisingly close. All that I have to do.. is to wait. Scaryness.
My language is breaking down.
I'm waiting.
..Here and now, long and loud
My heart cries out..
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Latest reply: Jan 18, 2003
Waiting..
Posted Jan 17, 2003
..for time to pass. In what's now almost a few hours, I'll be trying to tread temporal water and breathe slowly. And then a few hours after that, my heart will be fluttering and my spirits soaring.
I hope.
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Latest reply: Jan 17, 2003
njan (afh)
Researcher U47349
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