h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Darth Corrigible] You think YOU wanna know where it is!? How do you think /I/ feel!?

[Pikachu] [who is also somehow here] PIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPKIAPIAPAKIAPKAIAPIAKPAIIAPIKAPIKAPI.

I'd ask how you got here, but I don't think I want to know the answer...

So, what should happen here? A classic good vs. evil battle, or a joining of forces to defeat a greater evil, or in any case to get us both out of here?

[Corrigible] I dunno. Let's start with that last bit.

[Cut to Agent Smith, in an Elvish-looking house in a forest]

[Smith] Welcome to Rivendell ... Mr. Anderson.

[Cut back to the moon.]

[Housemaster] U LOOKIGN 4 TEH IMPORABABITILY GEN3RATUR!?!!!?!?!?!?!

[Corrigible] Um ... yeah?

[Housemaster] TEHRE IT SI!!!11!!!1!111!!

[He points. In the distance, a spherical computer that appears to be hooked up to a cup of tea can be seen.]

*Proceeds with caution toward the improbability generator, but stops short.*

Hey, what would happen to us if we turned this off? I mean, there's a chance we could become extremely improbable once this thing goes.

Umm... Corrigible? You're turning into a penguin...

[Penguin Corrigible considers this, and then takes out a red rubber glove and puts it on his head, causing him to become Feathers McGraw. He is scribbled out and replaced by the original Corrigible.]

[Corrigible] I submit that things are improbable enough already.

[The cup of tea is suddenly lifted up and put to the side of the computer we can't see. SFX: slurping noise. Then it turns around, revealing that it's not a computer at all, but a -face with brown hair and wearing a golden helmet. Jarring chord, like the one when the Nights of Ni announce that they want a shrubbery]

[Woogy] OH NO1!!11!

[Housemaster] BILLLY HAS RETURNNRED!!!!!1!1!!11

[Billy] LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!11!1!!! I M MECHA-BIYLY NWO!!1!1!!1! U HAVE n0 CAHNCE 2 SURVAVE MAEK J00R TIEM!!!!11!11!!1

*Partially due to the shock, and partially due to the bad spelling, Scandrea passes out. This will last until July 7. Sorry.*

[Housemaster immediately uses a FENIX DDAOWN!!1!!1! on her, reviving her.]

*Scandrea wakes up.*

That was a weird dre- oh, I guess it wasn't a dream, was it?

*Tries to sneak toward the improbability generator.*

[Billy] U CNANOT PASSS!!11!!1!!!11!

[He fires a laser beam at them. Each person it hits is briefly surrounded by squiggle lines, and then a large number jumps out of them, like in an RPG.]

*Grabs onto the number before it disappears completely.*

Why can't ANYONE ever be glad to see us?

*Aims a kick at Billy's knee.*

[Billy is just a with hair, and at the moment a golden helmet with wires sticking out of it, and therefore has no knee.]

[Billy] [trying to sit on her] BCUZ TEH HUOSMSATER TREID 2 DISTROEE M3!!11!1!1! I M HAVE REVENJ!!11!1!!!11!!

[Darth Corrigible] [aside to Scandrea] Actually, to be perfectly honest, I'm /glad/ to see you. You should've been here when Good Kitty and Housemaster were trying to do a Kill Bill routine.

*To Corrigible* Glad I wasn't...

*From under Billy* Why are you sitting on me? I don't even know what's going on here! I have nothing to do with the toast guy!

[Housemaster] WE WIL DUHSTROY J0000!!!11!!11!11!1!!!

[Woogy] I WIL ASISIST WIHT TEH HER00Z!!11!1!!1!!

[Corrigible] No! I mean ... Ah, whatever, screw this! [draws and arms his lightsaber] I've had enough of this bull

[He charges towards Billy, who closes one eye. The other turns into the Death Star Superlaser and fires at Corrigible. Wide view of the moon, which then explodes. The camera view fizzles out and then cuts to a scene from the movie Akira; it shows a slick-haired teen named Shotaro Kaneda wearing a bright red motorcycle outfit, weilding a laser bazooka in the vicinity of some sort of military base. He fires at a spiky-haired guy about his age wearing a white shirt, black pants, and a red cape made from a ruined flag.]

[Kaneda] TETSUOOOOOOO!!!!!

[The blast impacts against a psychic shield Tetsuo creates.]

[Tetsuo] KANEDAAAAAAA!!!!!

[Tetsuo uses telekinesis to tear apart the road where Kaneda is standing; Kaneda escapes just in time. Then Tetsuo blinks, as he feels something strange; a sort of electrical disturbance surrounds him for a moment. Then the camera view fizzles out again, to show five seconds of Leonard Nimoy singing "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" along with a bunch of kids. Then it fizzles out again to show Corrigible, looking rather startled, and standing next to Laguna from Final Fantasy 8.]

[Corrigible] ... Buh!? Who the hell are you!?

[Laguna] I M LAGUNA. DO U NO WER JO IZ?

[Pull back slightly to reveal that Scandrea is right next to them.]

[Corrigible] Uh ... who's Jo?

[Laguna] JO IZ A GYU HOO TALKZ LIEK J00 D0. HE IZ ASLO MY LUVR.

[Corrigible] If he talks like I do, I sincerely doubt he's your "luvr."

*Finds herself rather startled to escape being sat on, blown up, and forced to listen to Leonard Nimoy sing.*

If we help you find Jo, will you help us turn off the improbability generator?

[Laguna] LOL!!1! OK, BTU I DONT TIHNK IT WIL B33 MCUH HALP. J00 N33D 2 G0 2 TEH POTRAL BCAK!1!1!!! TEH IMPRAOBABOBTILTY GENEROTITAEOR WONT D00 ANYTIHGN!11!1!!!

[Corrigible] Well, whatever you say.

[Laguna] OKAY TEHN!!1!!!1! LTE'S G0 2 TEH QWEST 2 FIDN J0SEPH!!1!1!!

[Corrigible] [whispering to Scandrea] I think he was just misspelling "Joe."

*Whispers to Corrigible* I see that now... and whoever this Joe guy is, I feel sorry for.

*Smiles and talks in a normal voice to Laguna.* Where did you last see Joseph?

[Laguna] H3 WUZ BIENG SEWPT AWYA YB A RADONM IMRPBAORPBBILY!1!11!!!1!

[Corrigible] Hmm ... then I guess he could be anywhere ... GAH!

[He dodges to the side as Good Kitty flies down from above and lands where he'd just been standing]

[Good Kitty] DETH FRMO ABUV!11!!1!!1!

Oh no, not again!

*Watches for more Arfenhouse related stuff.*

Actually, assuming you haven't seen "Arfenhouse: The Movie 2" and/or don't know what Laguna looks like, we never /left/ the Arfenhouse continuity.


[Laguna] FOLLO M33!!!11!1!!

[He shuffles off down the street. Corrigible shrugs and follows.]

Well, I haven't seen the Arfenhouse movies, because my internet connection is a piece of cr*p and kicks me off before they load. But after I made that post, I read the Arfenhouse comic "The Housemaster Saves Christmas" and things made more sense!

...or something like that...

Anyway, barring more Arfenhouse continuity screw-ups on my part, on with the show!


*Follows, acutely aware of giant Pringles cans that could pop up at any moment.*