Journal Entries
Thoughts on Death and Dying
Posted Nov 11, 2003
I’ve buried 4 people this year; two relatives, an old family friend, and a recently found friend. By today’s standards, only one of them could have been considered old. When you are old, you are expected to die. When you are ‘almost’ old, it is a surprise. When you are ‘late-middle’ age it is a shame. But when you are young, it is a tragedy.
Leah was only forty. She was the mother of four grown girls and numerous grandchildren. She married Heath three years ago. She should have been a mother again. He should have been a father. Instead, he buried her today. He went off to work last Friday, leaving Leah asleep in their bed. He came home again to find her dead. Leah was almost nine months pregnant. I don’t know what happened to the baby. I don’t know how to ask. There was no mention of a fifth child surviving her in the obituary notice. Barton said it was obvious she was still pregnant. I wouldn’t ‘see’ that.
When I attended funeral number three, just last week, I remarked to my boss that I thought the reason I had so many friends that were younger than I was because my contemporaries and older friends seemed to be dying too quickly, four in four years. I couldn’t handle any more funerals.
Then I found out you don’t have to be old to die. Not that I didn’t know that before. I have two friends who are young. Each time the phone rings, I expect it is that final call. Neither of them, even with modern medical technology will make it to middle age. I don’t know what phone call will be harder to handle. One is an old friend…a friend of a friend. The other is a newer friend…a friendship ‘strengthened’ by having the same medical condition as Barton-and henceforth, ultimately the same end.
I am surrounded by death and dying. I see how precious live really is.
I saw Leah there, in the coffin. I could see her breathing and trying to sit up. I couldn’t say anything. I knew she was dead, but she wasn’t. She still lived on in the hearts and minds of those who knew her. She was with her child and her father who had crossed over several months before. She wanted to tell us that, but she couldn’t There wasn’t breath left and she couldn’t rise. So she rested peacefully.
Then it wasn’t Leah lying there. It was a succession of friends, some dead and some still alive. It was Leah. It was Annette. It was Craig. It was Bonnie. It was Angel. It was Barton. And there I stood. Seeing them all together and wishing I was with them. Hating the time we would have to be apart, but knowing we would be together again. Then Merlin came along and rested his head in my lap, gave me a quick slurp, looked up at me with his eyes that weren’t filled with pain and I knew that it was a good place.
But life goes on. We grow older, surrounded less and less by family and friends. One by one, they go to join the ones who have gone before. We learn to cope. We conquer our frustrations. We hid our tears. And then our time comes. Once again reunited. Forever.
Waiting is. 
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Latest reply: Nov 11, 2003
What we did on our vacation or just a quick note to let you know we are back
Posted Oct 23, 2003
Too lazy to repost...these are part of the emails we sent out to family and friends (plus a few things we forgot)....
Just a quick note to let you know we are back
Eleven days of no computer, no phone, no radio. WONDERFUL!!!!!
I am relaxed and back to my old self (my better old self…the one you guys haven’t seen).
We spent one night in Iowa, five nights in Kansas, one night in Arkansas and three nights in Missouri … so much for our trip to Missouri 
We did the Ren Faire for three days (two very wet and one Faire Day), visited friends for one day and went through all the old neighborhoods for one day. Then we headed out to points unknown. Spent one night camping at a state park in Stockton. The sky was so clear I could see the Milky Way!!!!!! Living so close to Chicago, I didn’t ‘realize’ you ‘could’ see the Milky Way from earth (so much for my A in junior high astronomy). We went to Fantastic Cave in Springfield, Mo. It is one of three drive-though caves in the world. Then we headed down to Branson, MO. It is really too commercialized to enjoy so we continued on to Arkansas. We headed down scenic Route 7…mountains, mountains EVERYWHERE!!!! Then we saw the Arkansas Mini Grand Canyon….fantastic….I climbed the lookout tower…Barton did the gift shop. We camped at one of the national forests (I had never been to a national forest)…he slept in…I went hiking along the river. We went through Mystic Cave and Cathedral Dome Caves. We then headed to Rollo to see Stonehenge (bet you thought that was in England). The university build a 50% replica of Stonehenge….it was wonderful….can’t wait to go back during an equinox. The university was having an open house and we went in to play. They froze marshmallow in liquid nitrogen…they are crunchy that way…set off a few mine explosions….and other cool demos. That night I felt like the marshmallow…it got into the 30’s…a good night for cuddling. The next day we went to Meramec Caverns…I knew it would be commercial, but wow. They were setting up for a gospel concert that night (in the cave). I forget just how big it is…17+ miles. It had been one of Jesse James’ hideouts so they play up that theme for the first part of the tour…then it gets pretty. I know we did much more than this (at least one antique mall and an outlet store). Right now my brain is still in relaxation mode.
Over the past eleven days, I don’t know how many times I said OH WOW. I know I have over-used my smile muscle…and a wonderful thing that is. 1890 miles and 1473 emails to download (and that’s just my main home account). More later!!
And Barton's response
Sure, she beats me to it. BUT ...
She didn't mention the leaks in the air mattress, her almost petulant demands as to how soon we would see mountains (Boy! Did I love her "Oh wow's!), or the one night we drove in very large circles trying to find a park to camp in and how we ended up sleeping in a rest area after using about a half tank of gas.) I was particularly fond of hearing her say "I hate cities!" as she looked up at the clear night sky. (I didn't mind that sky myself.)
She didn't mention how much fun she had driving up and down twisty, steep mountain roads and seeing run-away truck ramps.
She didn't mention that, despite being gorgeous, the caves wore us out climbing into an out of them (even on well maintained paths)
She didn't mention that my 'frivolous' purchase of an LED, key chain flood light proved it's usefulness in helping me from bashing my head on the low ceilings of some of the passages. (She was probably too busy watching out for me herself.)
And she didn't mention how she speculated if she could call into work to extend our trip a day or two.
She didn't mention that out of all that driving, I only drove about 50 miles, which is why it went so well.
She didn't mention our petty argument/discussions where I maintained that the red leaves on the bushes didn't count, they had to be on trees.
She didn't mention that she lost count of the deer we saw (though I think the rabbit count was only two.)
She didn't mention the horse and the sheep that were grazing together and wouldn't stay still long enough to be photographed together.
She didn't mention the 'old Indian village' we stopped at that was nothing but a field on a hill with numbered stakes designed to correspond to the self-conducting tour that wasn't there, leaving us with a pleasant walk around the top of an otherwise bare hilltop.
We had lots of fun/ We got lost. We injured ourselves when our jaws kept hitting the floor. We would do it all again at the drop of a hat.
And MY response to his response
Of course, I beat you to it. 
I knew you didn’t get anything out last night…and you never get up earlier than I do.
I also didn’t mention (and neither did you) how much fun you had speaking with the professors at the college demos. I remember one of the ceramic engineers mentioning how knowledgeable you are and you blowing him away with your 2 degrees in theatre. You seemed most relaxed and ‘at home’ on the campus.
I didn’t mention any other things Barton enjoyed…because he hasn’t relayed them to me yet…the campus stop didn’t need words.
I didn’t mention the mud at the Faire and my twisted knee (I thought that was going to ruin the whole trip) nor did I mention your two stumbles.
I didn’t mention any of the petty disagreements…BECAUSE they were petty. I am too full of the good the think about the ‘bad’.
And I didn’t mention all the books-on-tape we brought with…and didn’t listen to…because we were TALKING.
AND what both of us forgot to mention...
HELLHOUND!!
At one point in the trip, we were trying to find the Mark Twain National Forest campground....this was late and night and it was DARK. We finally found a sign that said picnic area...5 miles. We decided to see if the picnic area might have a map of the park. The 'road' was dark and narrow and twisty. Part of it ran through the forest and part of it along houses (well at least we could see mailboxes).
All of a sudden...woof, woof, woof,...WHAT'S THAT??(me)..a dog (B)...Are you sure? It might be a(me)...it's a dog(B) (I am now whimpering...remember dog + trigger)
Well, the Hellhound chased us for what seemed like 15 minutes (Barton says it was only 2 or 3). The barking was getting louder which meant it was catching up to us....(more whimpering from me). I never saw it...only heard it...Barton saw a large black dog running along side his side of the car...I STILL say it was a hellhound!!!!
Note to self: Never, Never, NEVER read spooking books before going camping!!!!!!!
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Latest reply: Oct 23, 2003
A picture is worth a thousand words, or …. :-/
Posted Oct 4, 2003
Last we went out to leisurely dinner with Lee and Dan. We were gone about two and a half hours. They were heading out to some friends to spend the night and we were all going to meet tomorrow at Stronghold. Dan realized he needed to stop back at our house on the way out west.
We swung by the filling station…they needed to tank up and Barton needed cigarettes. They told us to go on ahead and that they would meet us at the house.
Even before we entered, I notice something wrong. There appeared to be a haze through the living room. It turned out to be smoke. Barton immediately headed for the kitchen, thinking of course that the oven or stove had been left going. Wrong.
The house reeked of burning plastic. I started calling for the dogs and my heart was in my mouth when only Molly came (ok so they don’t come when called but sheesh) Bryce finally wandered out of our bedroom. The bird appeared to be ok…but unusually quiet.
Barton then headed to check out his office. For those of you who have seen his office, I need not say anymore. For those of you who haven’t, it is/was/ever will be a fire waiting to happen. He quickly asked me for some water (which by the way, made the smell and smoke much, MUCH worse).
Rather than even attempt to describe the damage, as I said, a picture is worth a thousand words.
http://www.eznetinc.net/users/brolsky/office1.jpg
http://www.eznetinc.net/users/brolsky/office2.jpg
http://www.eznetinc.net/users/brolsky/office3.jpg
http://www.eznetinc.net/users/brolsky/office4.jpg
(But he does think the keyboard and phone might still be usable)
I couldn’t take a picture of the 1/2 ‘ thick glass table top Barton was using to extend the desk where the keyboard sat…that had shattered from the heat. (which I assume put the keyboard on the paper-strewed carpet.) Likewise, I didn’t not take pictures of the charred paper near the area.
We are now and forever more a NO SMOKING HOUSE!
No one was hurt. The damage was minor. I wrote this two hours later. All the fans were going full blast and all the windows were open…and it still reeked (but not quite as bad). (Thanks Dan for all the air freshener )
But seriously, to any of you who read this that smoke or know someone who smokes, take heed in what just one cigarette left smoldering can do.
We are so very, very lucky that no one was hurt. Our pets are still alive. And we still have a roof over our heads.
Our plans for today were to leave the animals at home for the day. We would have been gone 14 hours. If it happened today, when we came home, would they still have been alive? Would we still have had a house?
I think it is very, very doubtful.
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Latest reply: Oct 4, 2003
I got my hearing aides!
Posted Oct 1, 2003
I now know why they don’t want to set them at your full prescription until after you have been wearing them for awhile. I also understand why they say to build up to a full day of wear gradually.
Since I have 3 settings (inside/quiet, outside/noisy or phone), I figured I have the audiologist set them to full. I could always compensate by changing them to a lower setting.
Some of the first things I noticed were just how loud our van is and how much rustling noises there are made by all the paper shuffling around the floor (note to self…clean out van!). Also, the fountain can be heard as one walks in the front door. I could hear it sometimes, if I stood right next to it and listened real hard. Then there were all the ‘house’ noises…furnace, water heater, frig. I’m sure they’ll fade into the background, but right now…wow.
The audiologist asked if it was quiet at work…of course I told her yes…when I see her next week, I’ll let her know in retrospect just how funny that question really was!
The biggest surprise came when I sneezed. I thought my head had exploded!
Not only was I hearing ‘head noise’…which now appears much, much louder … I was hearing reverb noise also.
When we ate dinner, I actually had to remove my hearing aides. I thought I would go deaf from chewing on celery. Right now, I’m learning how to modulate my voice. I was told that I have always been soft spoken. Now that everything seems louder to me, I’m going to be even worse. Help me out on this gang.
Can’t wait for the weekend. Planning on getting out to the woods and actually hearing!
More next week!
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Latest reply: Oct 1, 2003
Vacation planning
Posted Sep 23, 2003
We are planning another real vacation trip. Twelve years ago, on our honeymoon, we went to the Grand Canyon. Nine years ago we did the Maryland Faire and took a long weekend in D.C. Eight years ago, we went for a long weekend to Mackinaw Island and Canada. Four years ago with did a long camping weekend in Door County (the goats on the roof of the restaurant were neat!). We are now headed to Missouri to see the Ozarks.
We have taken many other long (and short weekend trips) to see friends, family and Renaissance Faires. But none of those needing planning. Other than meals, most if not all, of the time was scheduled in advance.
I eagerly headed out to the Missouri travel site. Days 2 – 4 are pre-planned…there just happens to be a Renaissance Faire in Kansas City (well, actually the Kansas City Renaissance Festival is in Bonner Springs, KS…but close enough). That still leaves days one and five through ten to plan.
It is conceivable to leave work Thursday night and drive straight through to KC (roughly 524 miles). If we flip-flop drivers, we might be awake enough to do something in the KC area on Friday. Another possibility is to stop overnight in Des Moines, spend a couple of hours at the Des Moines Art Center and make it to KC early in the evening on Friday. or take off early and do something in KC in the afternoon. (Still working on this part.)
Saturday, Sunday and Monday are festival during the day and a ‘given’ for dinners in the evening.
Now comes the fun 
part.
Missouri is filled with, among other things, mountains, rivers and caves. There are underground adventures, self-guided ranch tours, self-guided walking tours, tram rides (outside and inside caves), horseback tours, twisting trails and narrow gaps, cave scenes with columns 30 feet high. We could see the sight of Lewis and Clark’s first and final stop on their Journey of Discovery. Or, we could visit an authentic 1790 restored French fur trading post. Then, of course, there is the Little Grand Canyon or natural rock bridges and the remains of an 80- year old castle. There are mucho many caves on the National Registry just aching to be hiked through. We could travel route 66. We could hike through the forests and canyons and hills and go spelunking by lantern in the very cave that Tom Sawyer, Becky Thatcher and Injun Joe walking though. Visit the tallest point in Missouri. Marvel at the waterfalls.
Hmmm, we could stay over Monday night in KC. Do the Plaza and a fountain tour. Take a scenic tour towards the Ozarks. Do a little hiking , riding, exploring, caving, sight-seeing, find a state park and collapse in the back of the van for the night. Then we could do it all over again on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday. Saturday we could head on up towards Hanibal, do a little more hiking, riding, exploring, caving sight-seeing, find a place to park the van and collapse. Do a little more sightseeing and driving and make it home by eight on Sunday night.
Driving and hiking and walking and caving and riding and climbing and exploring and…
Hours and hours and hours of sitting in the car. Miles and miles of walking and hiking and walking and hiking, up and down and in and out and over and under and….
As I got up slowly and hobbled to the lunch room, my butt was sore from sitting for two hours and reading about all the wonderful things to do. As I made my way slowing down the short, level hallway to the other side of the small building where I work, my ankle was burning and my knew wobbled. My body was still recovering from the 700 mile trip we took over the week and the couple turns around the Michigan Faire. It was fondly remembering sitting out in the backyard. It was also remembering balancing its way, on pallets, out to the island in the swamp and the wonderful noises the trip produced.
With great trepidation, my body was waiting to see what I was going to do to it next. It was shouting, “Help, I’m getting too old for this! Remember what vacation means? Vacation: A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation.”
Did I mention I’m hard of hearing?
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Latest reply: Sep 23, 2003
Richenda
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