Who I am now is not who I was yesterday, nor is it who I will be tomorrow.

Vital Statistics

Gender: Female
DOB: 04/08/49 (should have been the 7th but I took my own sweet time - sorry Mom)
Height: 5'5"
Weight: Too much for my height ( now if I was about 8 feet tall...)
Family status: Married (2nd time around - Bashert (meant to be), I have found my soulmate), one son, one granddaughter, custodian of two collies and three finches
Geographical location: USA (but sometimes found in an alternative reality)
Favorite genre: Science Fiction / Science Fantasy
Favorite book: Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein
Favorite series: All of the Deryni books by Katherine Kurtz (sorry Doug, you do come in second)
Favorite movie: Depends on my mood...if I want to laugh, Beetlejuice. If I need a good cry, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (usually just taking it off the shelve works, so I can save some time)
What I would like to be doing most at this minute: Sharing water with a potential water brother (if he is ready to drink) and welcoming him into our nest (if you’re not familiar with the reference, check out Favorite book entry).

What makes me, me OR how did I get this way?

Who I am now is not who I was yesterday, nor is it who I will be tomorrow. I have to believe that I am constantly changing not necessarily for the good because what is good other than an abstract term.

I am currently diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD - article under construction) and Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Both diagnoses are relatively current (two months and 11 months, respectively). However, in retrospect, I believe the PTSD has been dormant for years and it took an accident to bring it to light with what was an apparently different cause. I was a victim of rape as a teenager, spent 18 years in an abusive (mainly psychological but occasionally physical) marriage, and most recently, 14 months ago, sustained an accident that left me with a fear of falling. I was not only afraid of myself falling, but I was afraid for family and friends. It began to consume enough of my life to force me to seek help and led me to the PTSD diagnosis. After doing a lot of research on the subject, I truly believe I have had this condition since I was a teenager.

My most recent bout of PTSD was triggered off by a hiking trip where I witnessed a friend appear to be slipping off the cliff. Hubby claims the drop was not as steep as I perceived it to be (he's 6'5" and does have a different perceptive on life), so friend was never in any real danger. But my perception is from a foot short level, so I know what *I* saw (personally, I think he just said that to try to get me to stop worrying/thinking/fixating on it - FAT CHANCE).

This has triggered numerous flashbacks, most frequently to the particular incident but also to my fall last year, incidents from my marriage and the rape. I find myself visiting my alternative realities again (something I have not consciously done in years). I’m also experiencing almost daily fugues - time loses I can’t account (used to chalk it up to alien abduction, but hmmm...now I wonder).

The PTSD is now triggering my RSD. Pain level (article under construction) is holding right around and eight and it’s waking me up from my sleep...which of course leads to sleep deprivation, which increase stress/pain levels, which increase the PTSD, which increases the RSD, ad nauseam.

Well, off to an alternative realty. Drop me a line and I’ll get back to you when I return.

Safe journey and may you never thirst,

Richenda

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Richenda

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