Journal Entries
Leonard Nimoy's Journal
Posted Jan 23, 2003
Today, I thought I would make myself a nice cheese and pickle sandwich and then maybe mow the lawn. My wife, however, had other plans. Since the birth of our baby son, things have been hectic around the house. Bottles and nappies everywhere. But today my wife had an extraordinary quest planned for me. "We need to do this right", she said, "we need advice on bringing up our child properly. I think we should buy a book - or rather, you should buy a book…".
"Oh yes?", I said, dreading the worst, "and what book would that be?".
"Dr. Spocks book of child care. Look, I know it might be awkward for you, but I have all of these clothes to iron and the manger is being delivered this morning, so I would really be happy if you headed down to the bookshop and bought it. You could always wear your disguise…"
"No… no… no… that's alright, dearest.." I said, "I can manage a simple trip to the bookshop these days. The old times are behind me now. No more troubles. Anyway, they offer to warp things up at the bookship these days. I should have no trouble."
I took the Volkswagen Beetle. It was a pleasant enough day and dogs were out in the streets. When I got to the bookshop, I found a parking space and inserted my car. The walk to the shop was reasonably short. That's reasonable. Why shouldn't it be? No one recognised me, though a small child did throw a boiled sweet. I wondered if I should shout out for a constable at the top of my voice. Then I remembered the last time I did that and bit my tongue. Literally. It swelled up a bit and made speaking difficult. I tested out "The Quick Brown Fox Jumped Over The Lazy Illogical Sheep" and it all came out wrong. Never mind, I thought, on with the mission.
Once inside the shop, I began to wonder if I was doing the right thing. I was sweating under my cardigan. The familiar little voice in my head told me "Get out… get out now.." but I figured that it would be best just to get it all over with. I proceeded quickly to the "Psychology, Self-Help, Sexuality and General Accounting" section. Between "Indo-Chinese Monetary Policy" by Milton Freedman, "Am I Mad? Find out in 20 Questions" by Clair Raynor, and "Famous Babies that Sing" by Simon Schama, I saw it: "Dr. Spock's book of everyday child care.". I checked no one was looking, quickly appropriated it and slipped it under my arm.
At the cash register there was an old lady and a young lady. I felt that the best way to deal with the situation was to grasp the nettle, so to speak and not beat around the bush. So, I ran right up to the counter, slapped the book down with a bang and said:
"Thith ith Dr. Thpock's Book of Child Care. I'm Thpock too. Yeth, we can all thee that. Ha ha. So, pleathe, jutht warp it up for me and allow me to go from this bookthip in peace. Live long, and prothper."
I think it was at this point that the older woman fell off her chair. Though that might have happened after the young woman set off all the alarms. I wish she hadn't done that. They sounded just like the alarms on the Enterprise, and so of course, call it force of habit, I said: "Thields up, warp factor nine" and jumped down on the floor in front of the cash desk. That’s where security found me. They looked down at me, and shook their heads sadly. One of them, the big one, said:
"Now now, matey, that wasn't very logical was it?"
The other one nodded and chuckled to him self. I closed my eyes… here it comes..
"So, then, which planet did you beam down from then, eh?"
"A bit "warped" in the brain are we?"
"Very Enterprising…"
"One lithium crystal short of light speed…"
I waited until they threw me out in the street and drove home. My wife had made a nice shepherd's pie. She wasn't too upset. She's used to these things by now. Next time I can take my disguise, and I can choose another book if I want. Perhaps "Maybe baby" by Bones and Scottie.
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Latest reply: Jan 23, 2003
Cliff Richard's Journal
Posted Jan 21, 2003
Whatever happens, I know, God loves me. Not only that, he thinks I am really, like, cool. Now, today I thought I'd better knuckle down and write a new Christmas song. This time I figured I'd write the words from St Paul's message to the Corinthians, but set the to the tune of "Do you really want to hurt me" by Culture Club. I was just getting down to it when Dame Vera Lynn called asking me around for a pint and a fishfinger sandwich. I demurred. "Not tonight Vera, I am doing God's work". "What's that then?" she asked, "confusing everyone, hiding and never showing up when your needed?" Oh, how we chuckle together. Must remember: tomorrow I buy a new rabbit.
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Latest reply: Jan 21, 2003
Lou Ferrigno's journal
Posted Jan 21, 2003
Today was a good day. I had smoked mackeral for breakfast, watched the horse racing and finally got to Hoover the landing carpet. This evening at seven I have to go to my evening class in ceramics. I made an ashtray last week. Of course, someone wanted me to sign it for them, "To Toby, Love The Hulk, You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry". I hate it when that happens.
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Latest reply: Jan 21, 2003
Dr Deckchair Funderlik
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